Greetings from the PNW!

[Aquulei]

Hello fellow sufferers. I lost my first family 10 years or so ago due to my SAD and ADD. My ex wife and two sons knew nothing about the struggles I had. The typical lack of a life outside of the house was the "deal breaker" for my first marriage.
My 2nd and current marriage is now on the rocks due to ADD and SAD as well. For the life of me i just can not get it through my wife's head that it is not that I do not want to spend time outside of the house with her. I do not want to spend time outside of the house period.
I was quick to explain to my wife when I met her about my SAD and ADD. Not wanting her to get into something she could not handle.
I have admitted myself into the local "Looney-Bin" twice when the SAD was getting totally out of control. i have visited therapist after psychologist after psychaitrist. Been on so many medications i can not remember them all.
Though I force myself to go to my step-daughters school functions, it is soo difficult and stressful. The panic mounts from the instant I know there is a function occurring.

Losing my first family absolutely destroyed me. Losing my new family, I am sure, will be the complete end of my sanity. Going back on medications is not an option as they turn me into an emotional zombie.

I have guilt trips crammed down my throat every time my wife goes over the edge due to our lack of a life out of the house. I am constantly reminded and shown by my wife how all of her friends do normal family things weekly which is one more tactical guilt trip of hers.

I have no idea how to get this woman I have been married to now for 5 years to understand that she is not the reason I do not want to leave the house.

My wife and I have an 23 month old beautiful little girl and i have come to love her daughters from a previous. I so want my marriage to flourish but I am starting to think it is going to flounder if I do not get a grip on this soon.

She here i type, hope, and pray that one of you folks could possibly come up with a solution or idea to help my wife understand. Or perhaps she doesn't want to understand. I don't think you can teach empathy.

When I got divorced the first time I thought to myself, "You really have no business being married" as I am sure no woman in her right mind would want to deal with this.
Care to help me prove myself wrong? =)

 

[Razzlecherry]

Wow, sounds like you've had some painful experiences.

One thing that might get her to understand is to show her this forum perhaps? There are so many stories on here about people suffering with this sort of thing. If she can understand that there are more people that deal with this and how they deal with it, it might make a difference.

Perhaps that might be breaking your comfort zone a little, considering you're a member here, but it might be worth doing especially considering you have a lot to lose.

EDIT: Also, I think anyone deserves whatever they're willing to fight for.

 

[coyote]

sounds like we've shared a very similar experience

not sure i have any answers - i'm still trying to figure it out, too

 

[truffleshuffle]

wow sounds like a rough situation. I have a question though Is it at all possible that you can schedule some time with your wife and family away from your home every once in a while. I know its very hard on you and the stress is very bad but maybe if you did schedualed it it might not be as stressfull. Maybe start out with just a hour away from homw and work you way up.

 

[gummybear22]

for an outing, how about you and your family go someplace away from all the people? like in the mountains or someplace, so you wouldn't have to worry about others, just you and your family. and then grAdually increase the numbers of others in the same area by going to slightly more populated places each time you feel comfortable.

 

[Lowlight]

What exactly is the nature of your SAD and ADD?

What you have written is a very honest appraisal of your current predicament, but I think that you are doing so out of order. You are jumping to explain all the relationships you have with everyone around you, which is noble and responsible, but I think it is out of sequence.

If you are ever going to get better, you have to first have an understanding of yourself and your nature. What triggers and what thoughts do you have in relation to your disorders? Do you see them as completely irrational and without merit, or is there some understandable reasoning behind the workings?

All you need to do is simply share your mind, and in return you will have many brains working on a solution to the same dilemma.

 

[Aquulei]

Razzle: I will maybe leave the laptop open to the site "on accident". If I simply show it to her she will most likely say something to the effect of, "Ya, I have read that stuff before."
Breaking my comfort zone is definitely something I must do more often than I do currently. She is so upset now though, that if I suggest we go do something she snarls and says "no thanks". Maybe next week if she isn't so upset then.

Coyote: Thanks anyhow. If I figure out how to fix my issues. I'll certianly chime in and let you know what worked for me.

Truffle: Yes. I totally plan to do this. Right now though she is too upset to even fathom the idea. Maybe next week if she isn't still so upset.

Gummy: Fantastic idea. Thank you for this. I will look for an enticing spot for all members of the family.

Lowlight: I am not sure I know what you are asking. i will take my best shot at answering the questions though =)
Triggers? Well, I seem to think the world is staring at me, thinking about me, talking about me. To walk into a full restaraunt is not cool. Once i am there for 45 minutes the fear eases a bit because I feel I "belong" there now. I guess I have a fear that people can see right through me. And I bet they can see the fear in my eyes. If I did not have the fear, they most likely would not be thinking about me at all. Why am I worried about what they think about me? I am not real sure. I am not hiding from the law or have any major secrets (except SAD) so I do no have an honest answer why I feel that way.
In the 6th grade I was bullied by one moron. This is when I first noticed my fear of folks. Does this have anything to do with it? Possibly. Most likely. Do I think my fear is ridiculous. Most definitely. I have nothing to fear. I am a good person, God fearing and will give anyone a hand when I see they need it. Yet, I fear every day.
I hope this answers your questions.

Thank you all for replying.