I was cruising the Internet looking for a possible self-help guide to reducing my SA and stumbled upon this lovely forum. And of corse, my first post had to be on this topic. I have wanted so badly to write all this trash down for a long time but if I were to write it on a notepad at home, noone would get the pleasure of reading it. At least here you folks can have the pleasure of reading it 
**TAKES A DEEP BREATH**
These are my complaints about my life with Social Anxiety, Depression, ADD and a serious case of Ineedsexualreleasesomethingawful-itis :
1. My biggest bitch is the guilt I feel for pretty much forcing my wife to work so many hours due to my inability to go to work at all, or to stay at work for very long due to irrational thoughts of people judging me or my thinking that I am inferior. This makes my self-esteem even worse that it already is. A man is supposed to support and provide for his family. Not stay home and hide. Not leave work after 4 hours crying like a 4 yr. old child. My wifes constant reminding me how many hours she works and her comments about being very tired and sore remind me of my inadequacies daily. Sometimes many times daily. I know she doesn't mean to intentionally hurt my feelings, but I am in such a heightened state of sensitivity, pretty much anything she says I take as a backstab.
2. I hate that my managers at work can not rely on me. I am a very hard worker (when I am there) and I know if I could relieve myself of this bullshit fake fear, I would go far in the company. My work is very detailed compared to my coworkers and I hold myself to very high standards. Higher than most of the managers if not all of them. I know I am a good person, a good worker, but if I can not show up when I am needed and stay for as long as I am needed for, I am worthless to them.
3. I hate that I can not go out to dinner, dancing, shopping with my wife or friends. Can you say boring life? Not just for me, but for my wife which hurts me even more.
4. I hate that I have no appetite to sit and eat dinner with my family. The medication I am on for ADD completely kills my appetite. My wife spends hours in the kitchen making dinner for us and every evening the food on my plate goes cold. I know this hurts her but the thought of eating makes me nauseous.
5. I know I am in the wrong line of work for someone with anxiety and social issues. I love my job and hate that I can not change jobs. I can not bring myself to go into an interview. I start shaking uncontrollably, sweating like I ran a marathon, and unable to speak due to my heavy breathing.
6. I hate that I can not control my temper and I can not resist the chance to argue. Apparently, according to my psychologist, this is an ADD symptom. I get "pleasure" out of arguing. Now you tell me, who in their right mind gets pleasure out of arguing with their spouse? Oh, that's right, I am not in my RIGHT mind am I? My mistake. :?
7. I hate that my friends and family can not rely on me. Can I pick someone up at the airport? No. Can I meet them at the grocery store to have lunch with them? No. So what happens? I get left out. Noone asks me to do anything or go anywhere with them anymore. I guess I had it coming huh?
8. I hate that I am this old (37) and still can not afford to buy my wife the house she so deserves. If I could work more than 6 months without going on short-term disability perhaps this would be a possibility. But... so far, it is not. I am so sorry Babe.
9. I hate that I will never know when or if this shit will ever subside. I honestly think it is very simple. I want to be normal. Is this so much to ask?
10. I hate that my Willie, wang, dick, weiner, whatever your pet name for it is, does not work like it used to. Medications have played a HUGE role in my sexual life. Or should I say lack thereof. I can always make sure my wife is satisfied which is and always will be my number one priority. But when it is time for me... Mr. Brain can not concentrate and Mr. Willie does not cooperate. My wife is so incredibly sexy and beautiful to me. Simply laying next to her gets a rise out of me. but that rise never lasts more than 5-10 minutes. DAMN THOSE FUCKING MEDS :!:
Any Hoo. nice meeting ya'll. My name is Dave and I hope to chat back and forth with some of you soon. I thank you for this thread, it has allowed me some much needed bitching.
~AQ
**TAKES A DEEP BREATH**
These are my complaints about my life with Social Anxiety, Depression, ADD and a serious case of Ineedsexualreleasesomethingawful-itis :
1. My biggest bitch is the guilt I feel for pretty much forcing my wife to work so many hours due to my inability to go to work at all, or to stay at work for very long due to irrational thoughts of people judging me or my thinking that I am inferior. This makes my self-esteem even worse that it already is. A man is supposed to support and provide for his family. Not stay home and hide. Not leave work after 4 hours crying like a 4 yr. old child. My wifes constant reminding me how many hours she works and her comments about being very tired and sore remind me of my inadequacies daily. Sometimes many times daily. I know she doesn't mean to intentionally hurt my feelings, but I am in such a heightened state of sensitivity, pretty much anything she says I take as a backstab.
2. I hate that my managers at work can not rely on me. I am a very hard worker (when I am there) and I know if I could relieve myself of this bullshit fake fear, I would go far in the company. My work is very detailed compared to my coworkers and I hold myself to very high standards. Higher than most of the managers if not all of them. I know I am a good person, a good worker, but if I can not show up when I am needed and stay for as long as I am needed for, I am worthless to them.
3. I hate that I can not go out to dinner, dancing, shopping with my wife or friends. Can you say boring life? Not just for me, but for my wife which hurts me even more.
4. I hate that I have no appetite to sit and eat dinner with my family. The medication I am on for ADD completely kills my appetite. My wife spends hours in the kitchen making dinner for us and every evening the food on my plate goes cold. I know this hurts her but the thought of eating makes me nauseous.
5. I know I am in the wrong line of work for someone with anxiety and social issues. I love my job and hate that I can not change jobs. I can not bring myself to go into an interview. I start shaking uncontrollably, sweating like I ran a marathon, and unable to speak due to my heavy breathing.
6. I hate that I can not control my temper and I can not resist the chance to argue. Apparently, according to my psychologist, this is an ADD symptom. I get "pleasure" out of arguing. Now you tell me, who in their right mind gets pleasure out of arguing with their spouse? Oh, that's right, I am not in my RIGHT mind am I? My mistake. :?
7. I hate that my friends and family can not rely on me. Can I pick someone up at the airport? No. Can I meet them at the grocery store to have lunch with them? No. So what happens? I get left out. Noone asks me to do anything or go anywhere with them anymore. I guess I had it coming huh?
8. I hate that I am this old (37) and still can not afford to buy my wife the house she so deserves. If I could work more than 6 months without going on short-term disability perhaps this would be a possibility. But... so far, it is not. I am so sorry Babe.
9. I hate that I will never know when or if this shit will ever subside. I honestly think it is very simple. I want to be normal. Is this so much to ask?
10. I hate that my Willie, wang, dick, weiner, whatever your pet name for it is, does not work like it used to. Medications have played a HUGE role in my sexual life. Or should I say lack thereof. I can always make sure my wife is satisfied which is and always will be my number one priority. But when it is time for me... Mr. Brain can not concentrate and Mr. Willie does not cooperate. My wife is so incredibly sexy and beautiful to me. Simply laying next to her gets a rise out of me. but that rise never lasts more than 5-10 minutes. DAMN THOSE FUCKING MEDS :!:
Any Hoo. nice meeting ya'll. My name is Dave and I hope to chat back and forth with some of you soon. I thank you for this thread, it has allowed me some much needed bitching.
~AQ
