cbazy
Member
hiya.
i have been on a long jag of not leaving the house again suddenly...after panic attacks suddenly returning after not having them for a year, and my jaw hurting all day long. i suffer from agoraphobia, anxiety, shyness, avoidancy, manic depression, obsessive compulsive disorders, debilitating parasitophobia, diverticulitis, and wolff parkinson white syndrome.
i have a lot of mental problems and a lot of health problems which make me miserable and embarrassed and so i am very shy, self conscious, reclusive and avoidant.
i don't like going places, or meeting people. when someone knocks on my door i freak out, if someone calls me, i get sweaty. i dread having to talk to people. i dont like being on the street, or being approachable, and i hate being on the city bus. i just want to be in my apartment. but while i am there, i am always taking herbal remedies for worms and parasites and cleaning things...i have to wash all my dishes and food over and over to eat.
i need help but i dont like: leaving to get help, talking to strangers in public, making eye contact, going to hospitals ( parasites and things like staph ) i don't like doctors and i can't keep appointments.
i dont have
a career or even a job
a relationship
money enough for cleaning supplies
an education
self esteem
any real friends
anywhere to go
anything to do
any future
i used to be a successful local musican but i stopped because the attention made me uncomfortable and scared. i don't make music anymore. i can't. if i do it will be uncomfortable for me. it didn't used to be like that. i don't know what triggered all this, but things are easier and i don't have panic attacks when i just stay indoors...so i am locked in my box on purpose, washing my hands and cleaning my floor and eating things to clean my colon and kill parasites, crying.
i fear spirochetes, flukes, roundworms, gardia, candidiasis and YOU.
i am crazy. i am lonely. i can't talk to doctors because they don't have social anxiety. i dont respect their opinions because they most likely are not struggling to leave the house. they made it to class everyday so how can they tell me? they probably never even been homeless or had worms a day in their life.
i barely made this post.
i'm not always so crazy or so depressed. but the winter is taking its toll on me. afraid of not making it this winter and it's only been a week.
likes : organic food. good novels. movies. shopping. animals. bicycling. good causes. traveling. meeting canadians. making new friends. especially with canadians. i like canada.
i have faith that one day it will all be better. but for now i'm like Bill Murray in "What About Bob"
Baby Steps.
thinkin it's all temporary, just a growing phase...maybe. like to tell myself that.
grateful and thankful to have a home, medicine, insurance and clean food. thats my story.
Thanks for letting me have use of a forum.
i have been on a long jag of not leaving the house again suddenly...after panic attacks suddenly returning after not having them for a year, and my jaw hurting all day long. i suffer from agoraphobia, anxiety, shyness, avoidancy, manic depression, obsessive compulsive disorders, debilitating parasitophobia, diverticulitis, and wolff parkinson white syndrome.
i have a lot of mental problems and a lot of health problems which make me miserable and embarrassed and so i am very shy, self conscious, reclusive and avoidant.
i don't like going places, or meeting people. when someone knocks on my door i freak out, if someone calls me, i get sweaty. i dread having to talk to people. i dont like being on the street, or being approachable, and i hate being on the city bus. i just want to be in my apartment. but while i am there, i am always taking herbal remedies for worms and parasites and cleaning things...i have to wash all my dishes and food over and over to eat.
i need help but i dont like: leaving to get help, talking to strangers in public, making eye contact, going to hospitals ( parasites and things like staph ) i don't like doctors and i can't keep appointments.
i dont have
a career or even a job
a relationship
money enough for cleaning supplies
an education
self esteem
any real friends
anywhere to go
anything to do
any future
i used to be a successful local musican but i stopped because the attention made me uncomfortable and scared. i don't make music anymore. i can't. if i do it will be uncomfortable for me. it didn't used to be like that. i don't know what triggered all this, but things are easier and i don't have panic attacks when i just stay indoors...so i am locked in my box on purpose, washing my hands and cleaning my floor and eating things to clean my colon and kill parasites, crying.
i fear spirochetes, flukes, roundworms, gardia, candidiasis and YOU.
i am crazy. i am lonely. i can't talk to doctors because they don't have social anxiety. i dont respect their opinions because they most likely are not struggling to leave the house. they made it to class everyday so how can they tell me? they probably never even been homeless or had worms a day in their life.
i barely made this post.
i'm not always so crazy or so depressed. but the winter is taking its toll on me. afraid of not making it this winter and it's only been a week.
likes : organic food. good novels. movies. shopping. animals. bicycling. good causes. traveling. meeting canadians. making new friends. especially with canadians. i like canada.
i have faith that one day it will all be better. but for now i'm like Bill Murray in "What About Bob"
Baby Steps.
thinkin it's all temporary, just a growing phase...maybe. like to tell myself that. grateful and thankful to have a home, medicine, insurance and clean food. thats my story.
Thanks for letting me have use of a forum.
