im 22 and I've devolped what I think is OCD within the past two years. Lately its getting really bad and I just can't handle it any more. I have many many different obessions and compulsions and its starting to take a toll to where I'd rather be dead instead of perform these damn rituals everyday. I know I need help but Im terrifed of therapists and always get overcome with anxiety/fear when i just think about going to one.
I use to see my issues as just me being extra careful but im not sure anymore. I check the gas stove/coffee maker over 20 times and unlock/lock all the windows and doors before leaving the house each morning...even then I STILL doubt myself after I leave that the stove is on and the doors are open. I have extreme germ phobia and HAVE to wash my hands after I touch ANYTHING. I go through a large bar of soap every 3 days and my hands are always cracked raw and often bleed. I have to check over and over that all the pain pill bottle lids are on properly incase they fall over and spill everywhere and the cat or dog eats one. I spend about 20 minutes outside every night checking/re checking that the shed/garage door are shut properly because we have rat traps set and I dont want any stray animals getting in. I unplug and recheck ALL electrical items everytime I leave the house. the list goes on and on but I'll spare you the rest of them for now.
Im also constently worried about anything and everything. Most of the stuff I worry about is stupid and the next day I wonder why I even worried so much about it in the first place. Sometimes I forget what im worried about and have to think really hard just to remember it.
I wish I knew how to devolped all of this. I was "normal" untill i was 20 or so then these last two years i've morphed into this mess that I just can't snap out of. I was heavy into crystal meth for 3 years. I've been clean since october 30th 2005 but I've never really been the same since batteling that stuff.
I use to see my issues as just me being extra careful but im not sure anymore. I check the gas stove/coffee maker over 20 times and unlock/lock all the windows and doors before leaving the house each morning...even then I STILL doubt myself after I leave that the stove is on and the doors are open. I have extreme germ phobia and HAVE to wash my hands after I touch ANYTHING. I go through a large bar of soap every 3 days and my hands are always cracked raw and often bleed. I have to check over and over that all the pain pill bottle lids are on properly incase they fall over and spill everywhere and the cat or dog eats one. I spend about 20 minutes outside every night checking/re checking that the shed/garage door are shut properly because we have rat traps set and I dont want any stray animals getting in. I unplug and recheck ALL electrical items everytime I leave the house. the list goes on and on but I'll spare you the rest of them for now.
Im also constently worried about anything and everything. Most of the stuff I worry about is stupid and the next day I wonder why I even worried so much about it in the first place. Sometimes I forget what im worried about and have to think really hard just to remember it.
I wish I knew how to devolped all of this. I was "normal" untill i was 20 or so then these last two years i've morphed into this mess that I just can't snap out of. I was heavy into crystal meth for 3 years. I've been clean since october 30th 2005 but I've never really been the same since batteling that stuff.
