getting really dragged down be so social phobic

[rockdude82]

Hi

Ok lately I've been feeling really depressed so much that I just feel like crying, I am a 26 year old male about 8 years ago I was diagnosed with being social phobic and suffering with anxity, back then it was so bad I could not leave the house I was unable too work and you'd never get me in to a pub or night club, I used to get all thoses little thoughts in my head that if I went out people would be talking about me behind my back and If I start talking to people They might think I stupid all along thoses sort of lines.

However I have now pretty much over come all that I love going out every where I can, if thats means going out to night clubs, pubs down the gym I just love going out now, try to as much as I can.

However I still find it very hard to make conversation with people out side of my small social circle, What upseting me at the moment is that I never had a girlfriend yet, I find it really hard to go up to people and make conversation, I just feel I don't know how to start converstation with people, I could go up to a girl and make very small conversation but can never get into deep conversation with people, thats not only girls, guys too.

Does anyone know how I can learn to be more social make better converstation and stop being so shy.

I would just love to open up and be more social but it feels like I just don't know how too.

 

[Chod77]

Well first of all congrats on being able to go out and be comfortable! Thats a big step. I haven't accomplished that yet. I suggest chat rooms to help you become better on conversing with people.

Good Luck!

 

[villacjs]

You sound like so social phobia is mostly under control if you are able to go out to night clubs etc. I was just as bad as you at 18 eg not being able to go places and feel safe leaving the house. I'm 22 now and still unable to do things like shopping without be stressed, so your more advanced than me in those areas.

To meet new people maybe you should join a club or something?

 

[Len]

I think that people such as myself who suffer from social anxiety have nothing to talk about because a) they are too scared and b) they avoid doing most things which can give them 'substance' such as hobbies, interesting friends, funny stories that happened to us. It's like a circle of torture. Nothing to talk about because of social anxiety, have social anxiety because nothing to talk about - if you catch my drift.

I think you need to take it step by step. Sounds like you are beginning to enjoy yourself again. Try and make friends and have a good network of friends. People know people who know girls who are single.

I am beginning to think that we create our own reality. If you go out with a positive attitudes and give everyone a chance even if you think that they are potentially egotistical a'holes. You might find that deep inside they are good people.

I know getting the positive attitude is difficult with SA but once you get a shrink and some meds you never know. The times they are a changin.

Thats about all of the positive vibes I can muster. Good luck!

 

[Rabindranath]

I think that a part of dealing with social anxiety disorder is accepting that you're never going to be a social butterfly and that there's nothing wrong with that.

After 38 years of SAD I've just started treatment (Effexor) and it's going well. Still my wife and I--she also suffers from it--feel bad sometimes because we avoid socializing when we should. Now though it's mostly out of laziness instead of fear. Plus we have two small children. But there's nothing wrong with it, actually.

I know it seems important in your 20s to be seen as a fun loving person but once you get through that period you'll realize it wasn't very important at all.

As far as dating and relationships go I just have to say that, for men at least, dating and relationships get FAR, FAR, FAR easier when you're in your 30s and have a job and some money and many of the girls are married off.

So just hold on and the older you get the easier it gets to meet new people--with SAD or without it.

 

[dan_e]

I think that people such as myself who suffer from social anxiety have nothing to talk about because a) they are too scared and b) they avoid doing most things which can give them 'substance' such as hobbies, interesting friends, funny stories that happened to us. It's like a circle of torture. Nothing to talk about because of social anxiety, have social anxiety because nothing to talk about - if you catch my drift.

That's the best description I've heard yet. You really hit the nail on the head with that one. Its so irritating when someone tells you to cheer up or stop feeling sorry for yourself because SA really feels like torture.
Instead of Wheel of Fortune they should have Circle of Torture. Where someone who's super popular has to live the life of a social phobic for a day or better yet, a week :wink: .

 

[faithnomore]

Pubs and Clubs are full of sh*t people anyway, so i'm not interested in going near them.