Friday night at home, feeling shitty & ignored

[Layla]

I really need to vent. I recently posted something about being "the third wheel" and was really comforted in knowing that many of you felt the same way. Well tonight I went out with 2 of my girlfriends, and it was horrible I felt totally ignored. we used to be really close the 3 of us, but I moved away for a bit, and they moved closer together and now theyre the bestest of friends (aww. how cute). So i recently started hanging with them again. Last week we saw a play & had dinner and it went great, I was happy & positive & being totally myself & they were responsive. The whole week my confidence was high. Then tonight I saw them for dinner which was ok, but as soon as we left, they were walking togehter, laughing, giggling, holding hands, while i was feeling totally left out of everything including the conversation. At one point they walked far in front of me to cross the street and I said "hey! wait up!" and no one acknowledged it. Later I jokingly said "hey, no one wants to hold my hand!" and one of the girls said "haha. I guess you're the third wheel!" at which point I said "I'm leaving. See ya" and went home totally depressed while they went out to have fun & didnt care that I was or wasn't there.

It's so depressing to feel like none of your friendships really last, none of them. I used to make so many new friends (before SA) and none of the relationships lasted. And because of this pattern, I've come to really beleive that I am the problem & that there is something really disfunctional or wrong with me. Logically I know there isn;t anything really wrong, but I can't help feeling this way, and it feels so awful and lonely and desolate. no matter how much i try to be positive and say to myself "I will meet new & better people" that hasn't happened. And the people that ask me to go out with them, well they dont always follow through. They're busy or they forgot or they have to visit their parents or whatever. Why bother asking in the first place? To be nice?

How come no one feels an absence when I'm not there when I feel an absence when they're not there?
Its a horrible lonely feeling to think that no one really appreciates your company, especially people you used to be close to. what do I do? How do I stop this negative cycle that keeps perpetuating my SA if I don't have any positive social experiences to derive confidence from?

thanks for listening.

 

[steve1]

its always harder when friends ignore u or disrespect u and with sa we take comments a lot more personal.
To them the third wheel comment was probably a little innocent joke so maybe dont take it to heart.

Maybe u should let them contact u the next time to go out,you should not do all the running.

 

[Sable]

I know how that feels. Whenever I see my old friends from school I always feel like I'm just some spare part. They always go on about how quiet I've gotten. It's like I don't know how to act around them anymore. Before when I used to know them we'd just hang out, listen to music, and have fun. Now it's like I've forgotten how to be myself. The old me doesn't seem to exist anymore.

Sorry, I don't have any advice to give, because I'm in the same situation, and have been for the last 5 years. The only way I can now relax and be fun with them is to get drunk (but then I hate myself even more - vicious cycle).

 

[Nubly]

I agree with steve about letting them make the next move. If they contact you then you know they want to keep your friendship. What did they do after you walked away though? Did'nt they at least chase after you or call you back by now?

 

[Coldy]

How come no one feels an absence when I'm not there

How do you know this is true? just because together they act like that, doesnt mean they truly feel like that about you.

Its a similar situation that i was once in with some of my friends but the way i managed to get back into that "click" is i won them round individually first...it must sound pretty bad that you have to win your friends round again because after all one could say if they were true friends they wouldnt be like that with you but you live and learn.

But anyway try going out with them both on their own first, perhaps find out how they felt about you leaving because it sounds to me that they have the problem...not you at all...perhaps they were jealous of you going and they couldnt? maybe theres something else there that needs to be said.
Really you'll never know unless you ask them if they had/have a problem with you leaving and coming back into the group again.

Hope you can sort it out with them though hun :wink: