Thanks for some interesting replies. I think this is actually the key to me overcoming SA, I really do believe it holds so much importance for the way I suffer. I think the main reason I feel so much more negative about my own flaws (compared to other people's) and why they are so out of tune with other people's flaws is because at high school I suffered so many put downs, name calling, ridicule, insults, etc, etc, over 5 years, and I was made to feel like my flaws were so terrible as people made me feel like crap because of them so have believed there is something very wrong with me, whereas when I see people's flaws its just a flaw and no one is perfect so its no big deal.
As I sit here at work I can see about 12 people around me. I think I would only describe 2 of these people as 'good looking'. I can see three people who are noticably overweight, 3 who are bald, 2 who are plain looking and 1 with bad skin and 1 has bad teeth. Now I don't say that to be mean because I don't think or look badly at any of those people - I can see flaws but they mean nothing, I like all of them personally, but that is basically the way I judge myself - on my flaws. The question is - if I looked like any of those who had flaws - i.e. those who are either noticably overweight, bald or very plain looking but who I accept as being fine and good enough, would I accept myself if I looked like them, would I accept a swap to look like them instead of myself? Would I no longer be self conscious and feel inadequate? I think the answer for myself is that I still would be insecure and self conscious but only IF and I emphasise IF - I have received the same feedback over a number of years over the flaws which have made me feel so worthless and like I am some sort of freak because of them. So, it kind of seems like there is more to it than simply believing my flaws aren't that bad, because even people I accept as being fine I don't believe I would accept if I was them, and that is down to my beliefs about me having flaws. So there is something here that really does need sorting out. I simply cannot ever become confident or believe I am good enough whilst I think this way.
I simply cannot ever become confident or overcome SA until I change the way I think here. I mean I avoid women because I feel worthless and inferior compared to women because of how I feel about my perceived flaws, I avoid situations where I have to be a good speaker as I am so aware of my flaws in speaking and feel I cannot do it.
If I am to get confident and overcome SA I need to really make changes to how I think. I need to make some compromises and sacrifices and accept my flaws but not be self conscious about them. Because what does it achieve to think negative of yourself for flaws that you cannot change? It acheives nothing positive. I am just making myself feel so bad about myself for something I had no control over. Its wrong.
I am off next week to work at beating this. There is a lot to consider and maybe it would be best to tackle this from the end goal of how I need to feel about myself and work at changing the way I see things in order to think that way. But I will need to address my current mindset on all of this in order to aim to stop thinking that way.
But I feel very positive that I can overcome this. Its something that can only be overcoming be analysing current beliefs/way of thinking and breaking them down and understanding what is wrong behind the scenes of this thinking and changing these and developing new ways to see these.
