TigerShark
Active member
Hi, I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Mike, a long-time social anxiety sufferer. I discovered this board about a month ago and have put off posting until now. I dont know why, but lately I'm finding it difficult to even reach out to people over the internet. I'm 25 years old and still living with my mom, and I feel horribly pathetic and worthless for this reason. I've come to accept the fact (after several years of denying it), that I'm always going to have at least some degree of discomfort around people.
It's becoming increasingly difficult for me to find a job that I can stick with. The last job I had was working at a casino as a game tech (bad idea). It was horribly stressful with all the social interaction, and I began to take xanax frequently before my workshift. I was buying off the street, which was expensive, and eventually I reached a point where I was basically working to fund my xanax habit, so I could be comfortable at work. Anyways, prior to that, I've worked several factory jobs which were tolerable as far as my SAD went, but I hated the work. I guess I'm still in the phase where I'd like to believe that I could get a job I could enjoy, and that wouldn't fry my nerves.
My anxiety was always a nuisance, but it morphed into a severe phobia right at the beginning of my senior year in high school (if it happened any earlier I'm sure I would have dropped out). Nevertheless, I made very good grades throughout my school years, and my family had very high expectations of me. I had always planned on college, and had big aspirations, but after the really bad anxiety struck, that dream kind of diminished for me.
The years between high school and now started off with heavy drinking, then shifted into a couple suicide attempts, then basically acceptance of my anxiety. I no longer feel suicidal for the most part, but I still drink now and then to simultaneously relieve anxiety symptoms so I can have at least some social contact (which I'm desperate for), and to forget about my current situation. I'm really at the point now where I'm starting to panic because I don't know what to do or what direction to take. I should have been 'out of the nest' and on my own several years ago, but here I am, having made no progress whatsoever.
I could write several pages right now if I wanted to, but I'll stop here and say thankyou to whoever listened. Needless to say, I have related, to a very fine degree, with several of the posts here. I hope to be an active participant in these forums in the future, and hope all of us can benefit from one another.
It's becoming increasingly difficult for me to find a job that I can stick with. The last job I had was working at a casino as a game tech (bad idea). It was horribly stressful with all the social interaction, and I began to take xanax frequently before my workshift. I was buying off the street, which was expensive, and eventually I reached a point where I was basically working to fund my xanax habit, so I could be comfortable at work. Anyways, prior to that, I've worked several factory jobs which were tolerable as far as my SAD went, but I hated the work. I guess I'm still in the phase where I'd like to believe that I could get a job I could enjoy, and that wouldn't fry my nerves.
My anxiety was always a nuisance, but it morphed into a severe phobia right at the beginning of my senior year in high school (if it happened any earlier I'm sure I would have dropped out). Nevertheless, I made very good grades throughout my school years, and my family had very high expectations of me. I had always planned on college, and had big aspirations, but after the really bad anxiety struck, that dream kind of diminished for me.
The years between high school and now started off with heavy drinking, then shifted into a couple suicide attempts, then basically acceptance of my anxiety. I no longer feel suicidal for the most part, but I still drink now and then to simultaneously relieve anxiety symptoms so I can have at least some social contact (which I'm desperate for), and to forget about my current situation. I'm really at the point now where I'm starting to panic because I don't know what to do or what direction to take. I should have been 'out of the nest' and on my own several years ago, but here I am, having made no progress whatsoever.
I could write several pages right now if I wanted to, but I'll stop here and say thankyou to whoever listened. Needless to say, I have related, to a very fine degree, with several of the posts here. I hope to be an active participant in these forums in the future, and hope all of us can benefit from one another.
