meggygoround
New member
I'm glad I found this forum, I'll give you a little background info:
I am 23 and have always been very shy and quiet. Growing up my family, teachers, and friends always told me I needed to speak up, be assertive, talk more etc. Eventually I got to thinking something was wrong with me, I was defective, because I just could not change.
I have very low self-esteem and care greatly what other people are going to/do think of me. Ever since elementary school I have had a problem with sweaty hands. I don't have a lot of friends, only a few close friends. I don't mind going to parties, meaning I will go if I'm asked (which is not often) but I'm usually miserable when I'm there. If no one is talking to me I feel like they must not like me. I noticed recentley that I when walking around the mall or at the dining hall where I work, I'll randomly feel like bursting into tears and I'm not sure why. Maybe it is because I think people are staring at me but it's not like that is what's going through my head. I am a senior in college right now and the thought of being in the "real world" is absolutely terrifying. I do not want to graduate.
My senior year in high school I started cutting myself. It's been going on for about 5 years now. I do it because it is very hard for me to talk about my feelings, so it relieves the anxiety.
Now I am seeing a counselor at my college who is wonderful and I am learning about social anxiety/anxiety. I don't know if I am officially diagnosed if she told me I have an anxiety disorder, or if I have to take a test or something. I did talk to a psych nurse who prescribed me Celexa for the anxiety but I can't afford right now.
To be honest- I feel very hopeless. I don't feel like I will ever be "normal." Being able to talk to people seems like such a easy thing when I look at other people, but for me it's extremely hard and I feel like no one understands. I am going to bring something I wrote in my journal to therapy next week which basically sums up all of this. I figure it is the only way I'm going to be completely honest with her.
It's comforting to find other people I can relate to because I've felt alone for so long.
I am 23 and have always been very shy and quiet. Growing up my family, teachers, and friends always told me I needed to speak up, be assertive, talk more etc. Eventually I got to thinking something was wrong with me, I was defective, because I just could not change.
I have very low self-esteem and care greatly what other people are going to/do think of me. Ever since elementary school I have had a problem with sweaty hands. I don't have a lot of friends, only a few close friends. I don't mind going to parties, meaning I will go if I'm asked (which is not often) but I'm usually miserable when I'm there. If no one is talking to me I feel like they must not like me. I noticed recentley that I when walking around the mall or at the dining hall where I work, I'll randomly feel like bursting into tears and I'm not sure why. Maybe it is because I think people are staring at me but it's not like that is what's going through my head. I am a senior in college right now and the thought of being in the "real world" is absolutely terrifying. I do not want to graduate.
My senior year in high school I started cutting myself. It's been going on for about 5 years now. I do it because it is very hard for me to talk about my feelings, so it relieves the anxiety.
Now I am seeing a counselor at my college who is wonderful and I am learning about social anxiety/anxiety. I don't know if I am officially diagnosed if she told me I have an anxiety disorder, or if I have to take a test or something. I did talk to a psych nurse who prescribed me Celexa for the anxiety but I can't afford right now.
To be honest- I feel very hopeless. I don't feel like I will ever be "normal." Being able to talk to people seems like such a easy thing when I look at other people, but for me it's extremely hard and I feel like no one understands. I am going to bring something I wrote in my journal to therapy next week which basically sums up all of this. I figure it is the only way I'm going to be completely honest with her.
It's comforting to find other people I can relate to because I've felt alone for so long.
