Fighting a losing battle...

[SilentType]

Why do we continue to fight this problem that we all have in common? We all know there is no cure, so why continue to look for it? I know there have been posts on this before, but if we can just accept ourselves for who we are and just be happy doing the things we're comfortable doing, I'm sure we could all move past this who label of socially phobic. It's true that we need some human interaction in our lives, but if we make it so we can minimize the social interaction without completely eliminating it, I think that's a war well fought.

We just need to lead different lives than most people, because social phobe in this extroverted world just does not work, simple as that. For instance, we all have our hobbies I'm sure, and we can all get a job that we can do from somewhere we feel comfortable (even home). That right there is life for us, work and hobbies, because we don't mix well with other people in most cases. It's all we need to be independent of the people who don't understand us and happy with ourselves.

Thoughts?


Peace

 

[SilentType]

Not trying to say we need to isolate ourselves, just have our own space and accept our social phobia as a gift instead of a burden. There are definitely benefits too if u think about it. For example, most of us have way higher IQs than the average person. As part of that majority, that means to me that my panic disorder is just part of the gift that the maker gave me, therefore I will accept it and use it as a tool for happiness. As long as I make it a point to get out and do something at least once each day, I think that's fine, who really gives a shit what I do? As long as I get exercise and pay the bills and live a life that I enjoy, who should really give a shit?? The only thing that depresses us is being around the opposite minded people telling us that we are crazy when really we just experience a different world than them.

Not saying I'm going to stop seeing my psychiatrist, or stop taking medication.... but I will definitely bring up these thoughts with her lol. Should be an interesting appointment...


Peace

 

[SilentType]

That's not really the point here but...a reply is a reply...


Peace

 

[alex29]

The only thing that depresses us is being around the opposite minded people telling us that we are crazy when really we just experience a different world than them.

that's a personal thing. it may be true for you, and if you can have a happy life without making changes thats great for you.

but for me, i want to be more outgoing. i want to be more talkative and more engaging. I'm not happy the way I am. i depress myself more than other people do. i don't want to change myself completely. I just think if i had more confidence in myself i wouldn't be as shy, could make friends more easily, and be happy.

 

[SilentType]

I just think if i had more confidence in myself i wouldn't be as shy, could make friends more easily, and be happy.

We've all been trying to do this to, but it seems unbeatable for me at the stage in treatment I am at. I'd like some magic confidence boost too, but it just isn't attainable for me other than when I'm using alcohol/drugs, and they're only temporary anyways. I have been through every medication, remedy, or therapy u can name and I just feel like I have to accept me for me, because embracing this is the only choice I have left, and its just as reasonable of a choice as anything else i've tried so far. We're more sensitive, intelligent, and imaginative than most people, plus we have this anxiety. We obviously have a difference in brain chemistry compared to normal people, and medicine is just not advanced enough at this point in time to treat my problem. It's time to take it on and become an artist or something. Wow I've typed enough.

Peace

 

[alex29]

I just think if i had more confidence in myself i wouldn't be as shy, could make friends more easily, and be happy.

We've all been trying to do this to, but it seems unbeatable for me at the stage in treatment I am at. I'd like some magic confidence boost too, but it just isn't attainable for me other than when I'm using alcohol/drugs, and they're only temporary anyways. I have been through every medication, remedy, or therapy u can name and I just feel like I have to accept me for me, because embracing this is the only choice I have left, and its just as reasonable of a choice as anything else i've tried so far. We're more sensitive, intelligent, and imaginative than most people, plus we have this anxiety. We obviously have a difference in brain chemistry compared to normal people, and medicine is just not advanced enough at this point in time to treat my problem. It's time to take it on and become an artist or something. Wow I've typed enough.

Peace

did not realize it was that severe. hope you find happiness whichever way suits you best!

 

[blackcap]

We've all been trying to do this to, but it seems unbeatable for me at the stage in treatment I am at. I'd like some magic confidence boost too, but it just isn't attainable for me other than when I'm using alcohol/drugs, and they're only temporary anyways. I have been through every medication, remedy, or therapy u can name and I just feel like I have to accept me for me, because embracing this is the only choice I have left, and its just as reasonable of a choice as anything else i've tried so far. We're more sensitive, intelligent, and imaginative than most people, plus we have this anxiety. We obviously have a difference in brain chemistry compared to normal people, and medicine is just not advanced enough at this point in time to treat my problem. It's time to take it on and become an artist or something.

I know where you're coming from. I'm 35 now and I've given up on ever 'being normal'. I accept that this is the way I'm going to be forever, but I don't like it. I'd love to have friends, a partner, and a normal social life but like you say it would need a dramatic medical advance in order to change the way my brain works.

If you can accept the way you are and be satisfied with it, then great. I wish I could.

 

[Doomed2Die]

Catch 22, you either mourn in depression and push away the truth while building on other methods, or agree thats who you are and work with that other than against it.

Either way its not exactly easy, but both have possible good outcomes. Methinks something, as debiliating as it is SA(and the other problems associated) has developed and/or affected our personality enough to the point it has more importance and power than the rest of our traits/interests. Now you can either agree and work along this or try to break free of it.

To break away is to deny a greater part of oneself and by no means eaiser than even accepting it.

 

[IknowIhaveSP]

I totally agree with you!! Have just posted a similar thread today. There is no cure and we will not change unfortunately. But the problem is being bothered or labeled by others with our distant personality. what can I do? I'm 28 yrs old and same for 28 yrs. I didnt change and I know I cant change. Even if I change any little thing is enough to ruin my world and push me back to my social phobia.

 

[alter_ego]

My sister used to LOVE partying when she was younger and couldn't understand why I hated it, she used to think I was just being miserable back then. But now she's older with two teenage kids and although she still goes out occasionally she says it doesn't have the same interest for her. It's not to do with her having social phobia - she doesn't -it's more to do with her growing out of partying, and she says it's more enjoyable if you only go out sometimes.

I go out a bit now - I'm still socially anxious but I have a lot more confidence than I did when I was a teenager - and whiile I still HATE clubs and crowded pubs or going out with a huge crowd of people, I don't mind going for a pub lunch with a small group of friends.

And nowadays my sister has a really lovely view of my dislike of partying, she just says, "Oh, well, not everybody likes the same things."

If only everyone could grow up and think like that there'd be a lot less pressure on the socially anxious!

 

[SilentType]

But the problem is being bothered or labeled by others with our distant personality.

That's where acceptance comes in. Fuck what those people think, they don't know the world we live in. Their opinions have no value to us, they just bring us down, so why give them the time of day? Accepting SA is more than just going on with your life and making changes to accomodate it. It is removing all of these thoughts that we have about SA being a burden, and living the life that your brain tells you to. Why have a psychiatrist tell you whats "normal?" What is normal? Why are they trying to make everybody alike? Who knows, but if everyone would have just accepted people with our condition for who they are and what positive attributes they bring to the table in the first place, then none of us would be here. I guess its just human nature to cast out "different" people...We've got a nature of our own, so embrace it and live happy, because its the only life you're going to get.

Peace

 

[Foxglove]

I agree. In this society it seems to be a crime not to be a social butterfly, not to go around tootling your own horn, to feel at ease being alone. That's always the first thing they say about criminals like serial killers or people who run amok - "he was a loner and kept to himself". Like that in itself is suspect and perverted. That makes me want to vomit.

 

[blackcap]

That's where acceptance comes in. Fuck what those people think, they don't know the world we live in. Their opinions have no value to us, they just bring us down, so why give them the time of day? Accepting SA is more than just going on with your life and making changes to accomodate it. It is removing all of these thoughts that we have about SA being a burden, and living the life that your brain tells you to.

But the key problem of SA sufferers is that we care too much about what other people think. If we didn't care, we wouldn't be anxious about socializing or dealing with people. So in that respect, if you could achieve the acceptance that you're talking about (i.e. truely not caring about what other people think), then really you've cured your SA.

 

[sabbath92002]

I have been through every medication, remedy, or therapy u can name and I just feel like I have to accept me for me, because embracing this is the only choice I have left, and its just as reasonable of a choice as anything else i've tried so far.

Have you tried acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)?

We can learn to accept that we'll have anxiety from time to time. But that doesn't mean we have to accept any limitations due to anxiety.