Screwdriver1020
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Females. WTF!
- Thread starter Screwdriver1020
- Start date
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Well-known member
ScrewDriver,
I don't know the girls you are talking about but here's my story. I used to be so attracted to a guy and I could not stop myself from flirting even though I had social anxiety UNTIL...I suddenly realized that they were getting closer and what if they got to know me and then how would I feel when he dumped me and so I started trying not to care so much, started avoiding him etc. Even if it was someone I was spending time with the fear with come over me because he was really getting to know me better and what would happen if he found out what my mind and heart were like etc. I am so sorry to say that no matter how much the guy meant to me, my heart would break as I suddenly started acting distant until he got disgusted or hurt. That was the worst part - hurting a man I adored! I always feared he thought I was heartless or...worse...just playing with his feelings. AGHHH!!!! Itw as agony. I hate to even remember it- I always knew he didn't deserve it. Finally after this repeated too many times in college I, with my SA, learned not to let men know when I was attracted to them, I pretty much stopped dating and worked really hard at faking disinterest. I learned to look at the ground during conversation, look around or use an 'official' tone of voice etc. to never let them know I was interested because I knew I was too afraid to get to know them. Of course, I was not healthy and I am not suggsting all other women are like me but I am just putting the idea out there that some girls may act the way I did.
If there are men out there reading this wondering what to do - well a girl with SA like I had might be too painful to deal with. If you want to try - it would help if you pretend not to notice when they are nervous, stammering, jumpy, formal etc. WHen men would start to notice my flinching cringing behavior creeping in - it worried them, made them feel like they were doing something wrong or made them avoid me. I would try harder and harder and then one day my mind would refuse to keep trying and I would just 'shut down' and stop trying to get to know them and the decrease in fear was a releif but my heart hurt so bad because i genuinely cared about them.
I knew I could act normal if I could get past the initial fear. SO I am saying if you see SA behavior in a girl, you might try pretending not to notice anything out of place as she hides, avoids a first kiss, etc. If you can act calm and normal (I don't know how but who knows what men are capable of) she may keep trying a but longer to get past the intial fear. Once I got past the intial fear life normal.
I don't know the girls you are talking about but here's my story. I used to be so attracted to a guy and I could not stop myself from flirting even though I had social anxiety UNTIL...I suddenly realized that they were getting closer and what if they got to know me and then how would I feel when he dumped me and so I started trying not to care so much, started avoiding him etc. Even if it was someone I was spending time with the fear with come over me because he was really getting to know me better and what would happen if he found out what my mind and heart were like etc. I am so sorry to say that no matter how much the guy meant to me, my heart would break as I suddenly started acting distant until he got disgusted or hurt. That was the worst part - hurting a man I adored! I always feared he thought I was heartless or...worse...just playing with his feelings. AGHHH!!!! Itw as agony. I hate to even remember it- I always knew he didn't deserve it. Finally after this repeated too many times in college I, with my SA, learned not to let men know when I was attracted to them, I pretty much stopped dating and worked really hard at faking disinterest. I learned to look at the ground during conversation, look around or use an 'official' tone of voice etc. to never let them know I was interested because I knew I was too afraid to get to know them. Of course, I was not healthy and I am not suggsting all other women are like me but I am just putting the idea out there that some girls may act the way I did.
If there are men out there reading this wondering what to do - well a girl with SA like I had might be too painful to deal with. If you want to try - it would help if you pretend not to notice when they are nervous, stammering, jumpy, formal etc. WHen men would start to notice my flinching cringing behavior creeping in - it worried them, made them feel like they were doing something wrong or made them avoid me. I would try harder and harder and then one day my mind would refuse to keep trying and I would just 'shut down' and stop trying to get to know them and the decrease in fear was a releif but my heart hurt so bad because i genuinely cared about them.
I knew I could act normal if I could get past the initial fear. SO I am saying if you see SA behavior in a girl, you might try pretending not to notice anything out of place as she hides, avoids a first kiss, etc. If you can act calm and normal (I don't know how but who knows what men are capable of) she may keep trying a but longer to get past the intial fear. Once I got past the intial fear life normal.