feeling worthless

[Jegan]

I feel soo worthless rite now. I dont have any friends cuz my personaliy sucks. My social skills suck. I dont have a brain. I dont know how to communicate. I dont know how to response. I cant even Get the things that i wana say out of my head. 8O. I feel dead.

I wish I had a gun to blow off my head. I hate my self soo much. I jus realized what an ASS I AM.

I cant even cry about my problems . I sleep all day and im no usefull for anyone.

I dont know what i want. Im not interested in anything. not even music anymore. no sports. no cars. no girls.

SHITTTTTT. IT's OVER. Im dead.

I dont know what im saying.

CAN U GUYS TELL ME WATS THE PAINLESS WAY TO DIE? Im gona try to over dose on some sleeping pills and some pain killers.. and some anti dipresents... I have like 128 pills saved up... do u think it will do the work?.. bye bye world. Life is a BITCH> :x :x :x :x

 

[Sacrament]

You're not going to do that.

 

[SocialRetahd]

Hanging yourself(I forget what the technical term for it is), would be the least painful if your neck snapped instantly.

Cutting your wrist would be a good plan b.

I'm curious, what medications have you been taking? I am also not interested in a damn thing.

 

[sabbath92001]

I feel so worthless rite now. I don't have any friends cuz my personality sucks. My social skills suck. I don't have a brain. I don't know how to communicate. I don't know how to response. I cant even Get the things that i wanna say out of my head. 8O. I feel dead.

I wish I had a gun to blow off my head. I hate my self so much. I just realized what an ASS I AM.

I cant even cry about my problems . I sleep all day and I'm not useful for anyone.

I don't know what i want. I'm not interested in anything. not even music anymore. no sports. no cars. no girls.

SHITTTTTT. It's OVER. I'm dead.

I don't know what I'm saying.

CAN U GUYS TELL ME WATS THE PAINLESS WAY TO DIE? I'm gonna try to over dose on some sleeping pills and some pain killers.. and some anti depressants... I have like 128 pills saved up... do u think it will do the work?.. bye bye world. Life is a BITCH> :x :x :x :x

Don't believe these terrible thoughts and feelings you are having. You are a good person, but your mind and body are playing tricks on you. Depression and anxiety are normal human emotions, but in our cases they have run amok. Meds have never helped me, what has helped me a lot is ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). ACT says trying to control our thoughts and emotions doesn't work, it just makes us worse. Instead in ACT we learn to control our arms, legs and mouth. In ACT we learn to observe our crazy thoughts and emotions. We have to separate ourselves from non-productive thinking and feeling. Flush all your pills down the drain and buy yourself an ACT self-help workbook. For less than $20 you could be on the way to recovery. ACT will help you be response-able, by using mindfulness and your own values to guide you. Don't give up.

 

[delacratic]

You're not worthless!
And I think you CAN communicate. I totally understand how you feel from what you write. That is more than I can do... I try too hard to say things in the right way, that I never actually say what I really feel...

You hate yourself. I know how you are feeling, honestly, but you are wrong to hate yourself.
I think the reason you are not interested in music, girls etc is because you hate yourself, so don't let it be the reason to hate yourself. Try to care. Feel sad that you find it hard to be interested, but don't turn on yourself. Feel sad that that you feel worthless, feel sad that you can't cry, or that you feel you can't talk and respond. But don't blame yourself. Don't hate yourself.
I used to try and just feel how I feel, and feel sad if I want, but then I'd hate myself for not crying about it, even though I felt so utterly terrible. Ok, this still happens sometimes. But there are reasons I cannot cry. Reasons that are not my fault. And hating myself for it just reinforces those feelings.
There are reasons for how you feel. I think the first step is to feel sad for how you feel, and not blame or attack yourself. Just because you don't understand does not make you to blame, or make you hate-able. Just feel what you feel, and don't expect any more from yourself. Don't ask too much of yourself.
There are many people who understand what you are going through, and they care, right on this forum. Many people who are going through the same thing. I'm sure you wouldn't hate them for feeling the way they do? You'd feel sorry for them. Do the same for yourself. Be compassionate towards yourself (I KNOW this is hard, it's not easy, don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work all the time).

Please please don't hurt yourself. Don't do that. You won't do that - finish your own life. But your desire to do so, your feeling, is understandable. But if you want to get rid of the pain, that shows it's because you want better.

Keep on feeling. The forum is here to express that.

 

[Scottish_Player]

I dont have a brain. I dont know how to communicate. I dont know how to response. I cant even Get the things that i wana say out of my head. 8O. I feel dead.


I cant even cry about my problems . I sleep all day and im no usefull for anyone.

Hi Jegan, sorry to hear that you are feeling the way you do, first thing is to remember is that you are not the first person to feel like this nad you wont be the last, you also say that you dont know how to get stuff out of your head, well i think you do pretty goos at it in your post by explaining how you feel.

That fact that you sleep all day will be of no help to you and only makes things worse, the best thing you can do is get a routine, get your body clocks back in order, getting up in the morning at a decent time and getting wahsed and ready even if you have no where to go gives you back a sense of self worth.

As for suicide i hope you dont really mean it, there is no painless way to commit suicide, you will always be leaving behind pain to someone who loves you, also pills is no way to go, the chances of you surviving are high and the worst situation would be you would have servere organ damage that you would have to live with or worse still you could be brain damaged, so if you think what u have is bad now then trying living with that.

Only 2 years ago i was where u are now, things have changed for me dramatically, i didnt use pills but i didn use positive thinking, i had tried all sorts of medical and herbal pills and none of them made any real diffrence but after applying posotive thinking to everything in my life it soon changed how i felt, it has taken time and sure i still get down days but the good days out weigh them by far.

 

[delacratic]

Jegan,

I'd also like to say that just being here and expressing yourself is important.
I realise when I write posts like the one I did previously, I'm talking to myself at the same time as replying to you. Contact with others is important, and it's the main way in which we find out how we feel and think. Replying to you I get an insight into how I think I should be thinking, and I also realise that this is why we need contact with others. We bounce off each other in life. What's unfair is that it feels impossible when you're in a place like the one you're in right now, 'normal' people have, I guess, never stopped to think about it so have been building these skills constantly and without thought their whole lives. Social skills come with practice, and we lack that practice, which makes it feel impossible. All I can say is that you have something to bring, you have value, we all do. Just being here and taking part, speaking our minds, responding, ranting, will simultaneously help us work things out inside, let someone else know they are not alone and helps us all hopefully gain greater insight. This is a community, and you are part of it.

Scottish Player is right. Get some healthy sleep, then get up. Have a routine, and do things for yourself. Simply being around is all you need do. You don't owe anyone anything, you don't need to be the best. Just get up and decide what you want. While positive thinking is not always easy, there are ways in which we can help it. I think getting up and "asserting ourselves on the day" is the first step. Hiding away simply confirms the negative way we feel about ourselves.

Don't give up.

 

[Jegan]

Hey Roxy, SocialRetahd, sabbath92001, delacratic, scotishplayer and Scarament. Thank you all for ur replies. Well I didnt do what I was gona do after I read the consequences on the net. I was jus feeling sooo shity yesterday and I didnt know whom to go tell. I feel this way pretty much all the time.I needed to express how I was feeling here, this is the only place i cud do it. and thank u guys.
Even today I jus woke up.. I woke up late 4:00 pm and first thing i did was tunred on the computer. I dont know where to go to, whom to go to, or what to do. Even if I had a million dollars I still wudnt be happy. Even If I had a friend I still wudnt know wat to do with them.
Im not gona concider suicide..well untill for now. Lets see how things go.

n' hey socialRtahd Im suppose to be on Zyphrexa.. dats da med my doc prescribed me but I havent taken if for 2 months. I hated the side effects.. But i jus keep lying to everyone that im still taking it. :roll:

 

[oszapo]

Hi Jegan,i think we all been there where you are at the moment.Life is always up and down i guess you pretty low at the moment.
Few years ago i felt the same way as you now but then things started to change in my life and now when i look back i wish i had been stronger then.There is nothing wrong with you there are millions with the same problem but some are not admittin it.
Try find a hobby for yourself or go travellin.There are so many options.I have a cat and i really love him.A pet would make you feel better.An other important thing is exercise.Since i go running i feel a lot better bout myself.Life is not about just good things its a lot of sufferin but i think we here to get the most out of what we have.
Hope i made sense

 

[Jegan]

Hey oszapo thanx for ur support.. but u know wat?.. My life has no ups.. its always been goin down the hill. I never seen the light.. and I dont think i ever will. sorry feeling really dippresed at the moment.

 

[emmdee]

Jegan ... everyone on this forum feels that way. Including me
You're not the only one, and we're here for you.
You have a talent, you're worth something in this world, and you should not let yourself die. Many people in the future are depending on you!
You are communicating to me right now, the way you are feeling ... don't say there is nothing you can do. Because everyone can do something, whether they like it or not. =]

 

[oszapo]

Jegan dont meen to argue with you but im sure there is some up in your life.Mean positiv things like are you healthy?Are you in pain?If not thats alone a good thing.Life can seem very dark and hopeless sometimes but it all can change!
Can you not change sg in your life?I think that is what you need specially if you not happy with your life now.Mean job,move?Or go an a holiday?
I dont know your life but i do belive how bad you feel.Did you think about gettin some help?I done meen meds but sometimes just to talk to someone can help.

 

[charlieHungerford]

If there are things in your personality you don't like - just change them - i.e. aim to be the best person you can be - there must be parts of your personality you like, aim to be friendly and polite and helpful and cut out all the crap you dislike. Its really easy to do, i.e. if you are sometimes moody or sarcastic to people or aggressive to people, make a conscious effort to say I don't like that in me, this is not the person I want to be. And just concentrate and focus on being the person you do like to be.
You can soon change things! I did something similar with myself - I once used to moan at times and be moody, and I hated that side of me, so I made sure I never did it again, and just aimed at being the person I so wanted to be, and I am telling you it was easy to do. I love my personality 100% now - its all self improvement.

 

[alter_ego]

Hey Roxy, SocialRetahd, sabbath92001, delacratic, scotishplayer and Scarament. Thank you all for ur replies. Well I didnt do what I was gona do after I read the consequences on the net. I was jus feeling sooo shity yesterday and I didnt know whom to go tell. I feel this way pretty much all the time.I needed to express how I was feeling here, this is the only place i cud do it. and thank u guys.
Even today I jus woke up.. I woke up late 4:00 pm and first thing i did was tunred on the computer. I dont know where to go to, whom to go to, or what to do. Even if I had a million dollars I still wudnt be happy. Even If I had a friend I still wudnt know wat to do with them.
Im not gona concider suicide..well untill for now. Lets see how things go.

n' hey socialRtahd Im suppose to be on Zyphrexa.. dats da med my doc prescribed me but I havent taken if for 2 months. I hated the side effects.. But i jus keep lying to everyone that im still taking it. :roll:

Jegan, I've been through depression. People, especially nurses when I was in hospital (I went in as a voluntary patient because I was suicidal) used to tell me I'd get through it and it wouldn't last - but I didn't believe them. I thought well, maybe everybody else got lucky but I'd never, ever, ever be able to get out the feeling of complete hopelessness. But guess what? It DOESN'T last. What you feel now, it won't be forever.

In the meantime, there are a couple of things that could help you. Are you okay going outside? Walking is fantastic therapy. If you live where there's plenty of greenery, even better. Go somewhere that relaxes you. But it doesn't matter where (even if you live in a crowded city) or how far or how fast you walk - just go out each day, even if it's only for half an hour.

What someone said about getting a pet, if you're able to, go for it. Cats are easiest; they look after themselves. Dogs have great advantages and are a great excuse to go for walks. Or could you borrow a neighbour's dog if you can't have one?

Try and listen to music too. Go for upbeat stuff if you can.

Hope this helps. Just remember, millions of people worldwide go through depression - and recover. Take care.

 

[Jegan]

Hey everyone, thanks alot for all of ur couraging words. it feels so nice to know that Im actually geting helpfull thoughts and I actually have people that care about my feelings and know what im going thru. THANK YOU SOO MUCH!

Yes. I've been feeling really down lately. Dont know wat to do with life. Havent had a job for the last 5 months. I havent met or talked to any of my friends for a really long time, I wonder if they even remeber me because I never get a call from them. Hey and its summer in Canada.. I'm spose to enjoy this season of the year, I should be going out and having fun BUT NO im jus stuck in my house not knowing wat to do. Everytime I get up from my bed I feel weak. Always feeling dead and I cant remeber anyting at all. Life is not in order.
Im jus wasting my life. Looking back I havent achived nothing.

Alter-Ego i went to to the hoslpital as a voluntary patience for suicidal as well.. back in December, and I stayed in the hospital for about a week. I was acutally happy to see the people that were there who has similar problems as me. I felt like I was belonged there and I didnt wana leave them. That one week was the happiest days that i've ever had in my life because I was never alone. There were others who had similar problems.
And yes People kept telling me the same things that I wud get better and things will change.. Well nothing changed, actually things got worse.

In the meantime, there are a couple of things that could help you. Are you okay going outside? Walking is fantastic therapy. If you live where there's plenty of greenery, even better. Go somewhere that relaxes you. But it doesn't matter where (even if you live in a crowded city) or how far or how fast you walk - just go out each day, even if it's only for half an hour.

I dont do that often .. but when I do it doesnt actually relax me.. I just feel lost and feel complete missery.. like Im traped or something.
is this a sighn of Agarophobia?

Thanks for the support.. Im jus gona keep trying.

 

[oszapo]

Hi,its me again :? ,can i give you a few advice please.You say your friends dont call you anymore so why not pick up the phone and call them?All of them.Tell you had a bad time be honest to admit you depressed will only help you as they will help u plus they might open up so realise u not alone with this.
Say dont have a job now this is a tricky one as for as longer u leave it the harder is to get back again.This is only hard while u lookin once u start u straight back so nothin to worry about.
If you worry bout workin with people-like myself-try to find a job where u dont face them all day.personally i went on nights which was a great idea.If dont want a full time job could start with sg small like delivering.Thats easy and its only a few hours.As you dont work anyway u have nothin to loose!Look at that way no matter what you find you dont have to stick with it!But once u start it will keep u going.I dont say run away as thats not a solution as i mentiomed before life is not easy for anyone but we got to learn to live with mistakes,make mistakes,accepting we not perfect and to move on no matter what.
If u so depressed maybe u should talk to a doctor,or try sg herbal.I started takin st johns wort dont know if it helps a big deal or not cos i always stop takin it to give myself a break but some people say it really helps.And everytime i feel bad i think i cannot feel bad as i take them so im ok
An other things u could try to have a pet.I know i keep goin on about it but they give u love ,sg to do and they always there 4 u!It really helps.

English is not my main language so im sure im full of spellin mistakes :?

And no you not alone you could talk to specialists too on the phone as a start its embarrasin but after it helps and they free.Have a look on internet for self help groups or just phone help.
Keep ur chin up and stop tellin yourself negativ things be positiv even u dont feel like it.Everytime u start get miserable thoughts tell yourself STOP!And do whatever go for a run or anything

 

[alter_ego]

Hey everyone, thanks alot for all of ur couraging words. it feels so nice to know that Im actually geting helpfull thoughts and I actually have people that care about my feelings and know what im going thru. THANK YOU SOO MUCH!

Yes. I've been feeling really down lately. Dont know wat to do with life. Havent had a job for the last 5 months. I havent met or talked to any of my friends for a really long time, I wonder if they even remeber me because I never get a call from them. Hey and its summer in Canada.. I'm spose to enjoy this season of the year, I should be going out and having fun BUT NO im jus stuck in my house not knowing wat to do. Everytime I get up from my bed I feel weak. Always feeling dead and I cant remeber anyting at all. Life is not in order.
Im jus wasting my life. Looking back I havent achived nothing.

Alter-Ego i went to to the hoslpital as a voluntary patience for suicidal as well.. back in December, and I stayed in the hospital for about a week. I was acutally happy to see the people that were there who has similar problems as me. I felt like I was belonged there and I didnt wana leave them. That one week was the happiest days that i've ever had in my life because I was never alone. There were others who had similar problems.
And yes People kept telling me the same things that I wud get better and things will change.. Well nothing changed, actually things got worse.

In the meantime, there are a couple of things that could help you. Are you okay going outside? Walking is fantastic therapy. If you live where there's plenty of greenery, even better. Go somewhere that relaxes you. But it doesn't matter where (even if you live in a crowded city) or how far or how fast you walk - just go out each day, even if it's only for half an hour.

I dont do that often .. but when I do it doesnt actually relax me.. I just feel lost and feel complete missery.. like Im traped or something.
is this a sighn of Agarophobia?

Thanks for the support.. Im jus gona keep trying.

Things WILL feel worse for a while, that's the nature of the illness. And when you get so far down, as the song goes, the only way is up...

Jegan, I've been there. The feeling of complete hopelessness, of the tight band of despair all round me, sleeplessness, lack of concentration etc etc etc It WILL get better in time. And five months isn't long to be out of a job, I was out of work for years after the breakdown, but I've been working full time for years now too.

I don't know enough about agoraphobia to say whether you're agoraphobic or not. But hang in there and try and find something that helps you. We're all different, with me music and walking helped. Any exercise is great tho. Take care.