Feeling TRAPPED?

[xtina_fan81]

Hey,

just somethin ive been thinking about recently.

When it comes to my SA, i feel like im trapped in it. Social anxiety doesnt make me. Its not my personailty. Shyness might be a personaluty trait but SA isnt. Am i right here?

There is just so much more to me than the anxiety and "quietness" and its just so frustrating that i cant show it to people. I have a sense of humor, views, and opinions like everyone else, but no-one exepet some friends online know about that part of me and one of my online friends said "i wish people could see how great you are" and its true. I wish i could show what i type to her about when i talk to her because to people online i can show the other side to me, the things that make me who i am. Im not particularly low on self-esteem and i dont really feel like i dont deserve to have friends or love or anything, i know i deserve that as much as the next person.

And i cant say that i dont have friends, because I do have people i talk to and that will hang around with me, but its always in the back of my mind that these are the only people i have when it comes to friends and they dont know the real me at all so that beings me down, and they would probably like me more if they could see the other side. all they know of me is being quiet. And excuse my french but theres a shitload more to me than that. Its hard sometimes to consider them as friends for the one reason that they have know idea about me, and im not blaming them for not knowing but how can they be my true friends if they have no idea who i really am? They mught not liek me at all if i showed my personailty, but then i would naturally move on and majke friends wiht people who do get me and my sense of humor and people i can get along with, know what i mean?

just needed a ramble.
opinions and comments etc are welcome

 

[cLavain]

That's a very interesting perspective, Xtina_fan81. I think you have a point. SA is kind of like a layer between the real you and other people, interfering in a way you don't want it to and it can't be easily controlled by will. Or maybe it's so integrated that it has become a subconscious reaction, like the way your hand automatically removes itself from something painful like fire.

 

[xtina_fan81]

Yeah, sometimes i worry that its just become so much a part of me and controlled so much of my life that will i ever really be able to be the giurl i used to be before i developed SA?
I want to go back to being her again, she was cool.

 

[thequietone]

It's been with me for so long, I sort of feel like it's a part of my personality. Isn't shyness a trait? I don't know. But I get what you're saying. If someone I know were to describe me they'd say, I'm "quiet," "shy" or even "sweet" :?, but there's so much more. And it's all hidden away.
What is it that people say? "Watch out for the quiet ones" Not that we're dangerous. But people like us, SA sufferers, are really the most complex because there's more to us than what can be seen.

 

[xtina_fan81]

You see, I refuse to elt it become a aprt of my personality, because i think if i do that, it will become harder to overcome it.

You are right about how people describe you, all they can say is "quiet" and "sweet" and "shy". They're not really describing the real me, they describing my Social Anxiety. Shyness IS a triat, but social anxiety is not. In my opinion anyway.

There is so much inside of us that we cant get out, stuff that any non SA sufferer can get out without any problems. Im dying to show that to people because i know how much better it would make my social life and my life in general, but thats just stating the obvious.

 

[xtina_fan81]

Lol yes exactly.

And you always get the kinda ignorant ones who just say those really boring things that get so old! e.g. "why dont u talk?", "why are you so quiet?", "you should talk more!"...like i choose to be the quietest person out of everyone all the time! DUH i mena i know no-one understands but some people are just so stupid about it they dont even stop and think that i might not want to be the way i am.

But one thing im sure when you have SA you get used to just being an observer an now i am constantly analysing people and why they do or say certian things. Quite interesting sometimes and i can pick up on really little things that any random person would neverfigure out. Rather cool. well every cloud i guess!

 

[xtina_fan81]

Yeah i always make excuses for them in my head. Maybe if i was them and i saw me, i would probably ask the same questions. I think its just how it goes. They just dont understand and i guess you cant blame them for that.

 

[btnh_are_the_sheet]

i just read the first thing but ... almost a reflection of what i think about everyday

for example i'd have a friend or two, heavy metal goth head type, (none of whom are friends of mine anymore due to my sa) they'd like me because of my quiteness and short stupid dork one, two word statements but that isn't the true me whereas inside im really the one who'd wanna play for the football team, hang out with the very sociable ones and such

it's like i've gained a friendship with someone because my true self is stuck inside

im quite a loner, and i'd take myself to the extent of desperation where i'd go in chatrooms where i can hide and show who i am (as odd as that sounds) and i'd talk to girls and what not and they would go man your such a great guy...ummmmmm why don't u have a gf again?? the world needs more ppl like u and blah blah ... i feel great and all about that but im still stuck when it comes to reality

i have a job now where it's a really laid back quite place, and the people there aren't bad, but really cool actually, but i find myself saying this isn't me, i would never be here in the first place, with the friends, working area, no driver's licence and such, if i was just able myself w/o sa, it would be alot different in a good way that is

 

[Jaixta]

I know what you mean. Having SA does not mean that we are void of having opinions and a fun side. We're not dull, sullen people. It's just that sometimes we find it difficult to assert ourselves and reveal our personality. Comments such as "you're too quiet!" really don't help, do they? I know I don't like people's perception of me being "the quiet girl".. but it's too hard to simply change myself on a whim and start being more outgoing and sociable to alter that perception.

It's hard to start voicing your thoughts when given the opportunity in real life. For me to do that would result in a lot of blushing and stammering, and thinking about what I could/should have said to make my points clearer afterward.. whereas online it is much easier to communicate. You can compose what you want to say coherently. You can even be as goofy as you want to be! It's not as simple to let your personality shine through like that when you're put on the spot in reality.

I don't like being trapped and having everything boxed in.

 

[Lyricaljust]

man what I've read.. it explains me perfectly.. it's like.. so much is going on inside.. but all society sees is the silence.. it's like this forcefield or wall or something.. and no matter how much does go on inside all they see is the silence.. I've battled with this for years.. it's made me stressed out plenty of times in my life because there's just this deep longing I wish so much that they could get to know me and a person and me would have a connection and all.. but the chains of silence holds me back.. and the image of this quiet guy is all there is.. yeah I definitely know what your saying..