Eye - contact, help !!

[coriander1992]

Hey,
I have a really big problem keeping eye contact with people when talking to them, or even just seeing them across a room.
I am fine with people I know, just not people I don't. :?
I think this is linked to the SA.
It was confirmed today when I went to a careers open event thing at a college, and this guy was explaining about courses available, and I was like only able to look at him for 2 seconds at the most before looking down, and he must of thought me so rude !

anybody have any tips?

thanks.

 

[fruitbat]

I don't have any tips other than practice, sorry. But I know how you feel.

When people are talking to me I'm usually so nervous and anxiously thinking about what I should say that I don't focus on the person, mentally or physically. My problem is that instead of focusing on their eyes, I focus on a point in the air in front of their face, so I'm looking in the direction of their eyes, but not at them, which gives me a spaced-out look. Afterwards I'll realize I was doing it and feel awful...

At any rate, I wish you luck.

 

[Jack-B]

Coriander

Find a good friend, or anyone you feel ok with looking at, say your mum, sister, brother etc.

As fruitbat says, just practice. In drama/improvisation classes as a warm up they do this exercise whereby you just have to focus on your partners eyes, not allowing to focus on anything else, its quite difficult but it can be really fun.

Start off 'playing the eye game' yourself with someone you know well, they dont need to know this is what you are doing. Then, as your confidence in looking others in the eyes increases, which it will when you focus like this, this problem will fade for good . It can be fun and you will realise you can do it with anyone, test your boundary and go for it. See how often others look away. Your gaze will relax slowly as you improve as so you dont frighten others by staring intensely. Main thing, just enjoy looking into their eyes, like precious jewels that reveal the inner secret of that person, go find it, you will like what you see.

 

[mienaino]

anybody have any tips?

Sunglasses.
A mirror and the head of medusa.
A digital video camera with LCD panel.
The world's most realistic tattoo of eyes on your eyelids.
Approach it as a life or death thing, and trust me, you'll have a stare-down that would give you heart palpitations. I did it once in a class. I decided that I absolutely had to make eye contact with the teacher (I had been upset at myself for constantly averting my eyes), and for the remaining 30 minutes of class I had an unbroken gaze directly in the teacher's eyes. I was later told that I had creeped him out a little bit.

 

[Moonie]

I am weird when it comes to eye contact. Like most things in my life, I feel like its an all or nothing thing. At times I don't give much eye contact or I give too much, that it seems almost creepy. I suppose practice is really all I can offer unfortunately.

 

[coriander1992]

Thank you for your advice everybody
I think I will try what you have suggested about keeping constant eye-contact with people I know first, so i get used to it, hopefully without freakin' them out tho :lol:
Thanks again