Dreading the conversation...

[emmdee]

I know that if i want to get anywhere in life, i have to get past my social anxiety.
But that would require treatment.
And treatment would require telling my parents. Which i don't really want to do. That would lead to too much crap that i don't want to talk about.
There is not a specific reason, i just don't want the whole world knowing and i know my mother will do that if i tell her. Even if i tell her not to speak about it. And then it would just prove her thoughts of me as some useless, lame person who cannot do a thing. Plus, she will just say that we do not have enough money for treatment, and the whole point of telling her would be useless. Social anxiety is like the only thing i know of that can actually prevent you, in its own sick, twisted ways, to getting healthy.
So, should i wait until i am seventeen, have my driver's license, and sneak around to go to therapy? Or should i just say screw this and tell my parents?
...I know what you are going to say.
And i reallly, REALLY don't want to do that.
Eeek.

 

[jamsambo]

I can empathise with what you're saying but if telling your folks is the only way you can go to therapy now then you should definitely tell them.

It's not worth having SA a day longer than you should, so if that's what you have to do to get therapy then you should do it.

Sneaking around to therapy is probably not going to work anyway and sure it's best to have the people who are close to you to support you as well, despite you apprehensions about telling them.

Good luck!!

 

[Danfalc]

Hey emmdee

Jamsambo is right,why suffer like you do if theres help out there for you
From what your saying it's obviously not that simple.. but maybe you could start to get treatment without them knowing,doctors and the health service couldnt like inform your parents or divuldge information.and i obviously dont know why you feel you cant tell your parents i guess you have a good reason.Maybe you could kinda tell them a little bit of a time if you feel it would be too much of a bombshell for them... maybe say you just feel a little down or anxious.. and build it up from there or say its private issues.

 

[Danfalc]

Im sorry its so like a difficult situation with your parents specialy your mum... must be really hard trying to deal with sp and try and keep up the act that theres nothing up cos you dont want her to know,sorries dont get ya anywhere tho :? .Does your mum actualy think negativley about you in like how you say.. and speak to you like that? Or is that how you think she feels about you.Sorry for the personal questions im just trying to understand a little better.Maybe if she knew that your ill.. she would maybe understand why you way you are and not be so judgemental besides your not useless your ill and you should be entitled to help if she likes it or not....Anyway ill stop presuming to know how to deal with your parents.. and i kinda understand what your going through.. when my anxiety first sorta kicked in.. i didnt know what it was but i went to my dad for support.. and he decided that i was just lazy and needed a girlfriend lol.Just wish i knew what to suggest but i dont.. treatments free over here...which im guessin is part of ur problem? is there not any like organisations you could get in touch with which would help you?

 

[emmdee]

Thanks for the help, Danfalc. =]

About my mother thinking negatively of me, i don't know if she does or not. It's confusing...but it is basically just the anxiety basically kicking in, telling me that i shouldn't tell her.
And yeah, money is a huge part of it. Isn't it for everyone?
And i don't know if there is some kind of aid around here..

 

[Thelema]

I know how you feel about not wanting to let the world know and especially telling your mom. I'm 19 now and if I could go back to when I was 16 or 17 I definitely would tell my mom. The more you think about it the harder it will be to do.

 

[SilentType]

Yeah I'm 19 and I told my mom about my SA when I was 17, right at the same time that I dropped out of school. In retrospect, it's the time of my life when my world fell apart and turned into a SA inferno. However, two things got better when I told my parents about my SA: 1. I go to therapy and I also now take some meds that really help deal with the stress of SA. 2. My PARENTS try their best to understand and give me space when I ask for it and I really don't know where I'd be right now without them.

As for the money issue, my illness was covered by my insurance. I live in the U.S. though so I dunno about the coverage in Canada, but if there's free CBT at that guy a couple posts up's university then there is sure to be one close to where you live.

If you ever just want to talk about this or anything else just pm me bcuz I'm here for ya.

Peace

 

[inner_dwellings]

Hey..

I think you should tell your parents, but I don't think you should expect them to understand.

I've had SA my whole life, but only heard about it when I was 18 (I'm now 20). Even though my parents know that it's not laziness or lack of motivation that is keeping me from working or going out with friends (friends that I don't even have), they still get mad at me and stuff. I ask them to help me, but they just say I'm the only one who can help.

Parents are tough, because they see you as they want to see you...

 

[random]

emmdee
I have often thought that my SA is basically me worrying about what other people think - and then avoiding them. If that sounds familiar to you - maybe you could think of telling your parents as the first step toward getting over SA by learning how to care less about what other people think. My parents wouldn't understand - but then my fear of them not understanding was a symptom of SA.
Getting therapy will probably involve telling people you'd rather not tell anyway - how about practicing on your parents. Try not to care what they think (but don't tell them that) unless they are supportive and the whole time just focus on the goal - therapy and getting over SA.
Telling my parents, especially my mother, would have been hard for me not because they would get angry (they wouldn't) or because they would judge me (they might) but because my mother would just want to 'fix' me by prying, or telling me I am mistaken and things really are ok (which doesn't fix me but 'looks' like a fix to some people). It was her intrusiveness - her assumption that she just had to tell me the right thoughts and feelings to have (because I must be having the wrong ones if they are different from hers) as if that would work. So yes -it would have been hard but, knowing what I do now, I am really rooting for you to do it - take the first step. FIghting SA is worth it.

 

[emmdee]

Wow. I haven't checked this message in a while. Thanks you guys...
I'm going to try to tell them, and i'll let you know how it goes!

 

[Closet_Rock_Star]

I hope you can find the courage to tell your parents soon. I don't know your parents, but I'll bet they might not even be surprised when you tell them, and so may be very supportive. (I'm an adult, and yet my own Mom is helping pay for my counseling!)

At any rate, I have always found writing letters or emails to be my favorite option when I really need to say something important or emotionally charged to someone, but am too nervous to say in person. When I write, I get the chance to say exactly what I intend without my SA invading.

Perhaps you could write a letter or email to your folks, and if you are worried that they won't understand, provide some extra documents or links to websites that explain Social Anxiety, maybe even a link to this forum!

I wish you courage, luck, and strength on your journey to recovery!!

 

[silentscreams]

re: telling

hi hon
my son is seventeen and has this
as a mom while I wish he didn't have this...I have it to...knowing can change everything
hopefully you can tell them
good-luck sweetie