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[outside_looking_in]

A couple of days ago I was planning a post about how things had got so much better since I found the site ... forgiven myself for various SP-type things I've done in the past (like hiding behind curtains to avoid someone), been more assertive in my relationship .... and then ...!

Had a row with partner, still not really resolved; got fresh copy of work internet protocol, strictly banning any but business-related use (standard issue but still felt personally rebuked!); went to friend's house but could hear raised voices so slunk away without knocking, which brought back a flood of feelings of social failure (even if it was a tactical retreat on this occasion); and, on arriving at library just now, there were kids waiting on the steps, people waiting in foyer, so did I casually join them? No, I scuttled off into the loos til the library opened.

Plus I don't feel like I really belong here (on the forum), cos some people have far more severe and genuine symptoms than mine, and others are really cool and seem to have known each other ages. I seem to be even more hopeless on line than in real life just now

 

[black_mamba]

I think its best to look at the bigger picture. You say things had been getting better? Excellent, you now know you have the mental capacity to fight this condition. I thinks it normal to have setbacks, two steps forward one step back as they say, but overall you are making progress.

I know exactly how you feel right now, the same thing is happening to me. I wish could be making progress 100% of the time but thats not very realistic.

Plus I don't feel like I really belong here (on the forum), cos some people have far more severe and genuine symptoms than mine, and others are really cool and seem to have known each other ages.

I feel that way too sometimes. I think some people have known each other through other forms of communication (like msn, or instant msging). There are people on here I'd love to chat to but often feel I have nothing of worth to say. Suprising how the net can be intimidating at times isn't it?

Regarding the symptoms issue: Members want to discuss them yet some may see the severity of everyone's SP according to a ranked system; whos got it the worst, whos borderline etc...Its good that we can discuss symptoms here openly, but its also detrimental in that some feel inferior as a result - catch22.

Cut yourself some slack, you've made some progess which is not something all of us have achieved.

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon.

 

[outside_looking_in]

Thanks ... that's possibly the first time someone's said "I understand exactly how you feel" and I can really believe them!
In that case I hope you're feeling better soon too ... Still ups and downs but as you say (sort of!) there always will be.

 

[black_mamba]

Hey, hope things are well with you...

You seem to be at the same level as me regarding coping with SP (or so it seems)...

[Also like your comment on my blog about pale imitations] - did you mean pale imitations of yourself or a potential soul mate??

 

[outside_looking_in]

Hiya, been staying at my sister's for a few days hence delay replying. Yeah things are fine thanks, good to be home though. Went to Legoland while we were away and I wondered if that was the theme park you were talking about finding a job at ... saw a couple of staff who might have been you, but couldn't very well march up and say "Excuse me are you Black Mamba?! ..." (Did you hear any more about the job by the way?)

Pale imitations ... suppose I meant of this ideal image I have of a totally empathetic best friend of the kind who only seems to exist in magazines and novels, though I now have one who comes reasonably close (on and off). Our friendship was extremely deep and intense for a while when she started confiding her not inconsiderable problems, and coming out of that phase was very traumatic for me, actually was convinced that was the end of the friendship as she didn't seem to need me any more and I couldn't easily switch back to casual trivial stuff. However she stuck around and to my amazement was still there when I peeped out of my shell a couple of weeks later. We were out tonight and actually had a laugh, so maybe she's the exception that proves the rule!

 

[black_mamba]

Our friendship was extremely deep and intense for a while when she started confiding her not inconsiderable problems, and coming out of that phase was very traumatic for me, actually was convinced that was the end of the friendship as she didn't seem to need me any more and I couldn't easily switch back to casual trivial stuff. However she stuck around and to my amazement was still there when I peeped out of my shell a couple of weeks later. We were out tonight and actually had a laugh, so maybe she's the exception that proves the rule!

I have a friend like this, its hard to tell what they want from you half the time - shallow chit chat or a dense conversation. I think the loyalty shown by your friend speaks volumes though.

Ah LegoLand? I want to go!! Hehe I applied to Chessington world of adventures, its practically down the road from where I am, but sadly no, didn't get that job. I'm way too quiet for them, and thats fair enough. They are a theme park after all not a funeral service. 8O

 

[outside_looking_in]

I have a totally irrational desire to work in a hospital -- perhaps it's the idea of a caring, nurturing atmosphere (or perhaps I feel relatively strong and together when surrounded by people who aren't -- bad reason) ... have no relevant skills but who knows, we might both end up where we want to be in the end! I know someone who went through three college courses and about 9 jobs before she finally got into the organisation she wanted to work for, and I must admit I doubted she'd ever do it. But she did