Hello all,
This is my first time on a forum so please forgive me if this post is too long!
So, for some months now I have been plagued with obsessive doubt and fear, which I can hardly control now. It basically involves insignificant actions I carry out and doubts like "what if what I'm doing is wrong?", "do people care that I'm doing it?" and "what are people thinking when they see me doing it?." These actions never gave rise to this kind of questioning before (it started like any OCD thought, abruptly one day and with the "what if" in it). I know the nature of these actions is not really relevant here, since they are normal, accepted things everybody does on a daily basis that I have never associated with fear. The problem is that when I get this doubt I feel I am losing control --this irrational doubt tells me that my feelings toward whatever I am doing needs to be based on other people's reaction. I should note that this is not a self-esteem/confidence issue because this emphasis on people came only when the obsessional doubt started taking over me. And, also, the "what if" also applies to the nature of the action (right vs wrong), even though my rational self perfectly knows it is something perfectly OK to do.
So far I have benefited a lot from the Exposure and Control-Prevention (sorry, don't remember the exact name!) technique... Letting the obsession fade on it own and not doing anything to make it better has been the best way to eventually forget about it and feel OK.
Lately though, it's been really hard for me not to focus the fear/anxiety that these thoughts give me. I get very overwhelmed by these emotions and, even though I am not thinking about the obsessional doubt, I get caught up in the physical part of it. I start thinking that I shouldn't feel that way and just keep dwelling on the anxiety. And so eventually I get back to dwelling on the thought and start analyzing it and the cycle begins again...
Also, these doubts I have make me want to reach to a level of certainty that I know is impossible (how can I really know what people are thinking??). I try my best to not seek reassurance like the technique I use says. It works great usually after days of sticking to it. But it's hard in the beginning! So in the meantime (while I still have the doubt very present in my head giving me fear) I lose all confidence in myself and my ability to do those actions that are questioned by my OCD. This loss of confidence makes me feel really hopeless because I know it's really not true, as if all I ever knew to be true and believed in is being suddenly questioned.
Anyways, I think this sums it up. Any advice, thought or any sharing would be really appreciated!! Thanks guys!!
This is my first time on a forum so please forgive me if this post is too long!
So, for some months now I have been plagued with obsessive doubt and fear, which I can hardly control now. It basically involves insignificant actions I carry out and doubts like "what if what I'm doing is wrong?", "do people care that I'm doing it?" and "what are people thinking when they see me doing it?." These actions never gave rise to this kind of questioning before (it started like any OCD thought, abruptly one day and with the "what if" in it). I know the nature of these actions is not really relevant here, since they are normal, accepted things everybody does on a daily basis that I have never associated with fear. The problem is that when I get this doubt I feel I am losing control --this irrational doubt tells me that my feelings toward whatever I am doing needs to be based on other people's reaction. I should note that this is not a self-esteem/confidence issue because this emphasis on people came only when the obsessional doubt started taking over me. And, also, the "what if" also applies to the nature of the action (right vs wrong), even though my rational self perfectly knows it is something perfectly OK to do.
So far I have benefited a lot from the Exposure and Control-Prevention (sorry, don't remember the exact name!) technique... Letting the obsession fade on it own and not doing anything to make it better has been the best way to eventually forget about it and feel OK.
Lately though, it's been really hard for me not to focus the fear/anxiety that these thoughts give me. I get very overwhelmed by these emotions and, even though I am not thinking about the obsessional doubt, I get caught up in the physical part of it. I start thinking that I shouldn't feel that way and just keep dwelling on the anxiety. And so eventually I get back to dwelling on the thought and start analyzing it and the cycle begins again...
Also, these doubts I have make me want to reach to a level of certainty that I know is impossible (how can I really know what people are thinking??). I try my best to not seek reassurance like the technique I use says. It works great usually after days of sticking to it. But it's hard in the beginning! So in the meantime (while I still have the doubt very present in my head giving me fear) I lose all confidence in myself and my ability to do those actions that are questioned by my OCD. This loss of confidence makes me feel really hopeless because I know it's really not true, as if all I ever knew to be true and believed in is being suddenly questioned.
Anyways, I think this sums it up. Any advice, thought or any sharing would be really appreciated!! Thanks guys!!
