Dont know what to do

[Danfalc]

i know everyone gets or feels like this at some point.. but i really do feel like ive been pushed to the edge at the moment,i really cant cope.I know some days are rougher than others.. and i know im supposed to say to myself i wont feel like this forever.But i just keep getting to this point again and again and again.I do my best to carry on.. ive tried the therapy the drugs,ive been on different anti depressants for the past 3 years.. i even started going to the gym despite havning panick attacks leaving the house.

But nothing is working.. im so miserable and just hurting all the time,apart from the misery i dont feel anything cos i feel so numb i cant even laugh any more im sure im cracking up cos i feel so detached from stuff and my thoughts are so scrammbled i have no clarity of thought which is why i struggle to function.Im stuck in all day every day and i just sit here frustrated.. i use to like drawing and reading.. but i just dont have the willpower to do these and i dont get any joy out of them it all seems pointless and really just a distraction cos it doesnt change anything,everything is so meaningless.. i dont hardly eat and havnt for the past few years cos thats how bad ive got i wanna get better so bad but im that ill i cant seem to force myself to make any changes.. when i was doing cbt.. i just physicaly couldnt fill in the forms and stuff he needed me to do cos i was in that much of a mess.And this is just my depression.. and not getting into my crippling sp and agraphobia

I dont really know why im writing this... :? maybe getting it off my chest will help a little cos i really dont know what to do and im gettin that bad im started to get silly ideas about taking aload of my sleeping tablets.. i wanna get better and i dont wanna hurt the one good person n my life who really cares but im really strugglin to go on like this.And i dont wanna cut myselfive got enough scars alreadyI cant seem to get across to the doctors how its affecting me i struggle to understand it myself.. the thing is i probaly know i should start working on such and such and push myself to do things.. i just really dont have the mental/physical energy to its like im a zombie or somthing.

 

[signs05]

Hi!

You seem to be going through a hard time, and I really feel for you. You should however never ever give up on hope. The worst thing about depression/SP or any other anxiety disorder is that you think you know anything about the future. I used to tell myself "ill never find work, ill be a looser bum all my life.." and just weeks later I found a fulltime job that I really enjoy. Sooo many times have I thought that I knew how things are going to turn out but I dont have any idea. Its like that old saying "The only thing I know is that I know nothing"

Im going to leave you with some quotes:

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”
Oscar Wilde

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise”
Oscar Wilde

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”
Einstein

 

[Chilling__Echo]

going off signs05's post, we really don't know what the future holds for us. things could change for you tomorrow, and the quickest way to see it is for us to make that change.

remember that when you get depressed that it doesn't look like there's every sun after the rain, but there always is. you've made progress in the past, you can do it again, and you can fight this! i believe in you and i wish you the best *hugs*

 

[Spearmint]

..

 

[Jegan]

hey Danflac..hang in there man, just chill.. sorry to hear that ur feeling this way ..its not ur fault! I wont be much of a help but im with u man..im feeling the same way as u rite now.. life is not easy man but we just have to fight it till we see the other side. shit i dont know man .. its gud to have ppl to talk to.. wish i have reall people but no one wud give a damn about my problems.. similar to u i cant open up to ppl eiether.. its like im stuck in my head.. like in a deep eark whole.. cant see the light man.. I havent changed at all..too scared to try.. n' i dont think i will ever see the light man.. I dont let ppl come in to my life, cuz i dont have nothing in my life..nothing is going on.. some fucked up life... I always think of S*****.. but i think of my mom and bro.. they r the only reason im living for.
Sorry man i couldnt help u but all i can say to u is jus belive in ur self.. u can do it.. u cud get over all this shit. all u need is courage which i think u have enough of it.

take care bro.

 

[Danfalc]

Thanks for the replies everyone,the advice/encouragement is appreciated alot and it always nice to know ya not the only one.Signs.. thanks for ya post i really like that first quote "were all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars".ive lost all hope ambition everything,i know thinking like this is half the problem but getting from one day to the next feels like torture at the moment.I know i should try and be hopefull but ive had so many people say oh you will get better... it wont last ect and honestly things have just got worse and the longer im like this the harder im finding it to cope..

I guess cos nothing has changed and ive been like this for a while it means whatever im doing obviously aint working or i aint doing enough,and kinda like you said chillin the quickest way is for us to make that change... its kinda like the quote.. "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again except expectng different results"Which i think im doing with my life..but ive been in this rut sooo long its so hard to get out.

Spearmint.. yeah a know mate... but thats the problem im that numb at the moment i dont find anything fun everything is just too much effort.. i know that sounds lazy and i dont mean to throw ya advice back in ya face but thats just how my depression and it does last long i have chronic depression and dont really have good days at all.But yeah isolating myself probaly isnt helping.. i just find it so hard to be round people cos im ashamed of what im like,but yeah maybe a should spend some time with my mum and work on my routine.. well lol get one cos i have no structure to my life at the mo and that probaly isnt helping.

And sure about msn.. but i dunno about the phone tbh.. the mess im in at the moment im not a good person to be mates with really with being so negative and plus i get wrapped up in my own shit or feel like hiding from the world and i just cut contact without thinking of the other persons feelings. :?

Jegan thanks for sharing mate.. im sorry to hear ya going through such a hard time yaself,and its really good of you to struggle on for your mum and bro,thats really brave of you,thanks for the words of encouragement and i wish you the same and hope you start being able to find sommat good to live for yaself and the clouds clear for you.

Sorry for the long post and sorry if ive rammbled on abit guys my heads just a bit all over the place but thanks again for replying

 

[arjuna]

I'm sure that most of the people that have been on this site have felt the same way you are feeling. So you're not alone. I suppose it is just a matter of sticking in there, keep on going to the gym, try to not give up. I for example, feel very anxious when I leave the house, specially when I am around people. I can't help thinking that the solution lies in making gradual changes, so that one day you will realize that anxiety/depression affects you a lot less.

 

[spct]

i know how you feel, i've not been feeling too brilliant myself lately!

volunteering might be a good idea though

i know sometimes when i've been really down & felt very low on myself, it sometimes feels good to help other people

the reason we feel so demotivated at times is often because we see so little reward from all the hard work we put in (since our social anxiety and/or depression is so severe), hence we just don't see any point in trying

but if you help other people, it's perhaps a little easier to feel good about what you're doing because the rewards (i.e. the improvements you're making in other people's lives) become much more visible than simply trying to steer your way out of depression/social anxiety

hence, you may start to feel a little better about yourself & feel more motivated, & you can go from there

just a thought, it's something i'm trying at the moment &, theoretically at least, seems to make some sense

of course, you need to find something suitable, but if you are going to push yourself, some form of volunteering/helping others might be the more economical & worthwhile option

best of luck whatever you do