Don't know what to do

[jsein]

I don't know what to do, I have to admit im pretty drunk right now, probably th only reason i'm posting this...I'm 22 and I have no one to talk to, I don't think I could really end it but it scares me that the thought even crosses my mind.

I want to call my friend but i'm worried he won't understand, I don't know what to say and honest;y I don't know why im posting this. Guess im just looking for advice. Should I call my friend and basicly poor my heart out?

I'm alone, I don't do anything, it's the social anxiety keeping me from living a normal life that I SO want to experience. I'm at the point where I don't know what to do. i've seen about 4-5 therapists and taken a couple different pills and nothing works. Yeha the pills numb it but it's still there!

I need someone to talk to and my friends the on ly one I can think of, my mom hasn't talked to me in almost a year and my dad's basicly given up, I don't know what to do, I don't think they understand. It's so hard I want to be normal and just go out and have fun and go to school and get a job...everything but theres just something holding me back that I can't control. I don't know how to explain it, I can imagine being normal and not understanding it. I don't know who to talk to but I feel that my friend may be the only one who can talk me out of this but im afraid to even call him. I mean this may sound strange but he's "normal" he has a girlfriend he has tons of friends, a job and lives a healthy life and I just don't think he'd understand...really the only thing keeping me from doing it is the thought of meeting that girl it just makes my heart beat fast and my mind numb thinking about it but then I just think will that ever happen to me? I don't know what to do and I guess i'm just looking for advise.

It's so intense to the point where you couldn't imagnine what it's like. I live with my grandma and If shes out and someone rings the door I can't answer it. I've gone to the point where I go in the backyard and hide, it sucks so bad, I really don't want to be like this! Some days I feel ok but others it;s horibble!

Can anyone relate? Am I alone? Has anyone felt like this and been able to get through it and live a normal life? I think social anxiety isn't recognized enough in society, it's not understood to it's fullest, It was hard enough to go to those 4 or so therapist i've seen, it's even harder to realise they did nothing.

 

[redlady]

I have those 'ending it' thoughts, far too much for my liking - i guess they cross everyone's mind who is suffering.
What is your friend like - is he someone that normally listens to you ? Or is he the type of person who just doesn't seem to care about what you have to say ? I would make my decision based on which ever of these is more true.
Social phobia has also held me back in life, something which i just fucking hate!!
Can i just ask - were you open and honest with your therapists ? Did you tell them all this - i know how hard it is, i am currently in therapy myself so i understand what you went through to get yourself there.

 

[Leena]

hey guys.

i only just discovered this site and im glad i did. i thought my shyness was just something that i will somehow get over with time, but that idea has long gone out the window. it hasnt gotten to the point that i can't go to uni or out to public places but somedays it gets so intense that id much rather crawl under a rock than be the centre of attention. i dont know why i hate people staring at me or being the centre of attention and it amazes me how some people like to be in such situations. i guess its not the idea of being watched or seeing certain people that for some reason make me nervous, its just the thought of the panic attack that comes with the anxiety that i get freaked out about, if that makes sense. and the blushing thing doesnt help at all. i have pale skin and the moment i get nervous it shows and it doesnt help when some1 just happens to notice and points it out and everyone then notices. i have found that laughing it off helps but there is only so much laughing i can do in one day...and at the end of the day i feel even worse.

i dont know why im posting this. i guess i like how people are so open here and how everyone talks about the social anxiety. i can definitely relate to what you guys have said about the 'ending' thoughts.

anyway, i know this has probably been asked many many times but has anyone actually experienced this and got better and been able to lead a normal life. not that anyone here is not normal but it would be so nice to wake up someday and be free from all those insecurities and finally be confident and not be held back by my shyness. i dont think im shy around people that i feel comfortable with but as soon as something out of my comfort zone happens the insecurities just seem to take over. i thought about therapy but does it help? i heard u get loads of pills that dont really help much :? is this true?

thanx heaps guys

Leena

 

[Quiki]

Well jsein I understand you, but trye to find hobby or something like that. Dont think that your friend will help you or somebody else. Or he can.. dont know but I woud not depend on somebody. Trye to listen music, it helps me when Im outside.
When you are doing something think like this. If you do it will you loose something or will you get something? Like I wanna talk to a girl and Im so scared etc but then just think that will you loose something if you go talk to her or not? You can get "something" or you can get nothing..

I never took a pill or was in therapist.
Sometimes I have 1-2 days when Im ok in reallife I dont get scared and I dont go in panic
and I even talk to friends and laugh, but then there are weeks/months when Im so tired of all and I go to panic in stores (Somebody is whatching me :x ).

I found out that I have SA like 5 days ago and now I know what makes me feel/act like im acting and now I start to fight against it becouse I know that it isint what Im, its SA.

 

[Chechirom]

jsein, I can understand what you are going through, but you must never forget that ending won't do anything. You need to focus on the good in your life. One time I was feeling so down I couldn't talk to anyone, I couldn't even get out of bed, yet I couldn't go to sleep. I was in this zone of nothingness and didn't care about anything. But I willed myself to go out for a walk and I ended up sitting in a park asking myself what I was good at, or what I can do well. This really raised my spirits. I went out at midnight so no one was out and I didn't have to talk to anyone. The change of environment and the positive thinking really can get you into thinking about how much good in life there is. Remember this jsein, everyone has something to live for, some find it early one, some find it later in life. YOU just haven't found it yet and you feel so empty, but just think how you would feel when you do find it....you will be found with such profound joy and happiness that you will look back on the day you thought of "ending it" and you will curse the thought. Please don't give up hope.

And don't listen to what Quiki said, everyone needs some to lean on when they are down...a pillar of support if you will. You need to talk to as many people as you can (this doesn't have to be about SA). Talk to your grandmother, get a penpal on here, and definitely talk to your friend. If he is your friend he will stick by you no matter what. If you think he is a good person you could gain a lot by having him as a friend. I would explain to him that you have SA and that you have difficulty communicating with others and you can ask him to take you out every once in a while to a restaurant or movie. NOTHING will ever change hiding in your backyard. If you want change you have to go and seek it. Don't be afraid of anything....can you lose anything that you don't have anyway? Best of luck, and never give up! We are all in this together.

Ben

 

[allanboy]

I can(or could,i kinda fought this over) relate to your post.

Well, my tip, following chechi´s advice, is go for it. Go do things you are afraid of doing. Not because people, friends, society or family are making you do it, but do it for you. Not doing things gives you regret, you keep thinking of what could have been. And i say, with full lungs, stay away from regret. Avoid getting home and thinking of the things you should have done, the things you should have said, the way you should have gone. I cant count all the stuff i should have done but didnt, in fear of suffering for it, making a fool of myself, godamnit, feels bad just trying to remember.

Damnit, i suck at writing. It´s all fine in my head but gets lost on the way to the keyboard.

 

[Quiki]

Chechirom what I ment was that if you think all the time that friend or someone will help you in something then it will be difficult to do something without somebody.
Ofc you need a friend that will take you out etc, but maybe its 100% better if you do something your self?
Like if I have some work in school and I do it by my self I learn more and I know more when comes test.
Ofcourse I can say to a friend that I have SA and he will listen me and support and I will feel better when I tell that to somebody, that is true. But what I ment was that friend cant help you with SA.
A "pillar" is more like my parents or my sister or a girlfriend (which I dont have), but I think that friend dosent really go as a "pillar".
Talking to meany people is what I ment, get a hobby. Like play soccer, tennis or something like that. Moving and exploring is the key.

Sorry for my english :lol:

 

[Chechirom]

Quiki, you have a good point. I will have to admit that things done by yourself offer a lot more to gain, but when dealing with SA if you approach it without thinking. If, say you are afraid of parties and you want to get over this fear you have. The thing to do would be to attend a party, and get used to the environment. Eventually you would get used to the atmosphere and wouldn't be afraid of them any more. However if you don't take it in small steps your fear will undoubtably worsen. This is why there is such a thing as systematic desensilization. You take very small steps to accomplishing your goal, which is to overcome your fear. You do this by slowly introducing the things you are afraid of coupled with things you think of as positive (favorite song, good set of clothes, or a friend you are comfortable being around). Eventually you are able to do the thing you were afraid of normally. Again the key thing is to take small steps. Now going to a party by yourself might get you over your fear faster as you suggest, but it might also cripple you further (too much too fast).

I do agree with you about taking up a hobby. I would probably suggest something with small groups and a lot of one on one (I recommended Aikido in another one of my posts), but tennis would be a sure bet as well. I hope you see my point as what I intended it to mean Quiki. :roll:

Ben