Don't know how to feel anymore... >.<

[Saga]

Okay, so here's the thing... I'd actually started feeling better about my situation, like better than I think I've ever felt... I was really challenging my thinking and always proving myself wrong, which was making me feel good. But today, something kind of, uh, well bad happened. Well bad by my standards... >.<

It was last period and I went to the class where I don't really have any friends/acquaintances in. To set the scene; the classroom is designed in basically a 'U' shape, and where I was sitting there were five desks in a row. One was empty on my left, then there was me and then three to the right.
Two girls that I don't really have much to do with, but more to do with than the other 'popular' group came in and sat in the same row, but they left an empty desk between themselves and me. ._. (In previous classes I'd always come in after them and sat next to them. o.0)

Okay, to explain a little why this affected me so much, here's a little background; one of my biggest things to overcome in regards to my SA was how the rest of my year level perceives me. I felt like I was starting to do this. I was starting to think that I'd been putting thoughts into my mind and maybe they didn't think I was as avoidable as I had been previously. But this was just like... right in my face; they think you're a fxcking weirdo. -_- I bet if it was anyone else they would have sat beside them. .-.

What makes it worse is that I can't understand what I do. I don't think I'm a bad person... or anything. I certainly don't intend to come across like that. I hate it when I don't know the reason why, which is a large part of what is making my negative feelings towards this so much worse. I know there could be other reasons for it, I have run those over in my mind, but somehow that doesn't help, because I can never know for certain. UGH.

Sorry, I just needed to rant somewhere... Keeping it in only makes it worse, I've discovered. .-. I'm aware I'm probably reading too much into this, as usual, but that's SA for you. Hah hah. -_-'

 

[rosewood]

First of all, I don't think it is as bad as it feels. I think I remember reading about scientific studies on how people will come into a room and fill up chairs around a table. It covered personal space and relationships. Basically, there is a correlation between how well you know someone and how close you will be willing to sit next to them. So perhaps, they were giving you space based soley on that. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Now if they had put more than a couple chairs between you and them, then maybe....? I think what happened wasn't too bad, so think about giving yourself a little break on this one...

 

[Saga]

First of all, I don't think it is as bad as it feels. I think I remember reading about scientific studies on how people will come into a room and fill up chairs around a table. It covered personal space and relationships. Basically, there is a correlation between how well you know someone and how close you will be willing to sit next to them. So perhaps, they were giving you space based soley on that. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Now if they had put more than a couple chairs between you and them, then maybe....? I think what happened wasn't too bad, so think about giving yourself a little break on this one...

I hope you're right. ^.^ I guess I never look that approachable, so perhaps they were just trying to do what they thought I'd prefer. Thanks for your input.

 

[lurknomore]

I agree with rosewood. Generally speaking, people don't typically sit right next to another person that they don't know well, unless they're forced to (no other seats available). It's not a personal commentary on the person, just that they don't know you, and it's considered polite to give some amount of personal space if it's possible.

 

[Saga]

I agree with rosewood. Generally speaking, people don't typically sit right next to another person that they don't know well, unless they're forced to (no other seats available). It's not a personal commentary on the person, just that they don't know you, and it's considered polite to give some amount of personal space if it's possible.

c: Okay thanks. I guess I blew things out of proportion again. >.<