Does it sound like I have social anxiety?

[mint]

So, my parents wont take me to a psychologist or anything, but I am almost positive that I have social anxiety. I suppose reading symptoms of any disorder would lead me to believe I may have it, right? Or something like that. So I thought I'd see what you all think it sounds like.
I've never been really outgoing, but I was more or less normal as a child. I was really sensitive though and I got picked on a lot. Eventually it changed into a fear, I was afraid to talk because I didn't want to get embarassed or made fun of.
I think all of that kept worsening until I ended up with the condition I'm in today. I do try to talk and make friends which is better than I used to be. It's still really hard for me though. My parents won't listen, they think I'm exaggerating. They say things like, "Well I don't really like people either" or "I have trouble speaking in front of groups too"
but it is so much worse than that to me.

• I feel like everything I say is forced out

. Like I have to push the words out of my chest and if I get lucky they come out right. I feel like I don't have control, sometimes I talk really quietly or loudly when I'm nervous, and I don't realize it.

• I dread things and it's painful.

Anything from public speaking to ordering food at a restaurant. I get sick to my stomach and sometimes have trouble breathing or start to cry.
I don't show that in public or around anyone. Only when I'm alone.
If I'm in public and... like for example, in school when we'd have to do those introduce yourself games.
My thoughts race in those situations. I have to mentally prepare or I can't do it. The teacher would ask us to tell something about ourselves.
I would worry, what if what I say is weird or dumb, and people will think something bad about me. I would make up something that sounded "normal" to me. Sometimes my mind would just go blank and I honestly could not come up with anything about myself so I'd have to make it up.

• I hate making phone calls.

One time my dad asked me to call a store for him to see if they had something in stock that he wanted to go buy.
When he suggested this I immediately begged him not to make me.
I cried for almost an hour. I felt completely terrified of the very idea.
I finally did it and the call itself wasn't so bad. It was the fear before hand, I knew it was irrational but it was horrible all the same.

• I'm so afraid to be embarrased, to be judged, to be different.

I often fake agreement with people I'm talking to. I don't want them to judge my opinions. I sometimes go as far as to act as if I like all the same stuff they like.
It's not like I do it to fit in or to seem cool. I'm just so scared of what people will think of my opinions. I always wish I could be myself but when I try it's like something inside of me is telling me I can't.

That's just a little bit of it. I have an endless list of things, almost all of them social related, that make me so afraid. I can't even explain the fear...
I have been told by eveyone who notices my behavior that I should just "face my fears"
But I have been facing them for years. I force myself into social situations, but it's never any easier. I never stop being afraid. I have learned to fake that I'm ok pretty well in the majority of situations, but I'm still hurting from the fear. It's really stressful and draining.

I wish I could explain this better. I don't know how to put it into words.

So from this does it sound like I have social anxiety disorder or could it be something else? I've never really asked anyone who would have any idea so I would like to get someone's opinon on it.

Thanks to anyone who read all of that, by the way. I feel like I rambled. I tried to bullet and organize it a bit so I hope you can make sense out of the mess. If I sounded whiny or like I'm complaining, I apologize. I just want some answers

 

[kihira]

Rambling is good, its good to talk. Your first step would be to talk to your doctor about it, they can diagnose and then refer you to a psychologist. You may have SA or its precursor, so worth the visit. Go for a general check-up and mention it, write a note (your post?) and hand it to him/her if it works better

 

[babegolden20]

I am not sure. It kinda sounds like shyness but it could be SA. Practically everything you said i experience too. So dont feel bad. Keep fighting!!

 

[mint]

Thanks, I hope someday I will be able to see a doctor about it.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this.
Before I started looking up social anxiety I felt like a coward, like other shy people could deal with being afraid of talking and everything but I never could handle it.