Does anyone know how to control thier face from blushing??
- Thread starter swtnsxy86
- Start date
It's something I guess i grew out of, although I know that some ppl don't xxx
SaharaWorld
Well-known member
Hi swtnsxy86
I can completely relate to your post; I have a really difficult time with blushing as well. But please remember, people in general spend about 5% of their time and energy thinking about other people. They are really more concerned with themselves and their own worries/problems in life. Even if they see you blushing, it probably won't even stick in their minds.
I saw an interesting discussion about this on these message boards - it said that when you feel you're about to blush - DON'T try to suppress it, because this infact makes it more noticeable. Instead, you should actually try to make yourself blush.
I tried this today in the supermarket and it actually worked!
Sahara
I can completely relate to your post; I have a really difficult time with blushing as well. But please remember, people in general spend about 5% of their time and energy thinking about other people. They are really more concerned with themselves and their own worries/problems in life. Even if they see you blushing, it probably won't even stick in their minds.
I saw an interesting discussion about this on these message boards - it said that when you feel you're about to blush - DON'T try to suppress it, because this infact makes it more noticeable. Instead, you should actually try to make yourself blush.
I tried this today in the supermarket and it actually worked!
Sahara
pitkreet
Well-known member
It doesn't really matter what other people think, seriously, it doesn't. Chances are that even those who notice you go red don't think any less of you. I mean, when you see someone else blushing, do you think "what a loser they are", or do you feel an empathy towards them?
And let's the unlikely does happen and someone does think less of you, just because your blushing, let's say they come right out and tell you to your face "you've gone bright red, you suck", is that a person who you want to get to know? Is that a person about who's opinion you want to waste your own time worrying? In you life, you'll come into contact with thousands of people, but there'll only be a few who'll really matter to you. Most other people's opinion just won't matter at all.
But I reckon the problem you have is that you keep worrying about blushing, you keep focusing on it long after the blushing event has passed, you go home and worry about it? I wrote a brief reply to someone else recently http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt4227.html -read it as a starting point.
It's not the cure, but it's a starting point. You need to stop focusing on the problem. Longer term, the real solution comes from changing your negative thinking patterns and increasing your self-esteem. I'm not even going to attempt to go into detail but it would be well worth your while investigating this further - there's a lot of material out there. People with SA/shyness/blushing problems tend to have low self-esteem. When you increase your self-esteem, you do not get bogged down with worrying about what others may or may not think of you.
And let's the unlikely does happen and someone does think less of you, just because your blushing, let's say they come right out and tell you to your face "you've gone bright red, you suck", is that a person who you want to get to know? Is that a person about who's opinion you want to waste your own time worrying? In you life, you'll come into contact with thousands of people, but there'll only be a few who'll really matter to you. Most other people's opinion just won't matter at all.
But I reckon the problem you have is that you keep worrying about blushing, you keep focusing on it long after the blushing event has passed, you go home and worry about it? I wrote a brief reply to someone else recently http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt4227.html -read it as a starting point.
It's not the cure, but it's a starting point. You need to stop focusing on the problem. Longer term, the real solution comes from changing your negative thinking patterns and increasing your self-esteem. I'm not even going to attempt to go into detail but it would be well worth your while investigating this further - there's a lot of material out there. People with SA/shyness/blushing problems tend to have low self-esteem. When you increase your self-esteem, you do not get bogged down with worrying about what others may or may not think of you.
Kalima
Well-known member
pitkreet said:
Pitkreet,
You said a lot of truthful things here! Are you making good progress or any progress at all in overcoming SA/SP? If so, could you possibly spit out some pointers for the rest of us? The self-esteem thing makes a lot of sense because having SA/SP can actually lower our self-esteem because we beging to think other people must be better than us but that's just not true. What pointers do you have on self-esteem? Thanks!
SaharaWorld
Well-known member
Great post Pitkreet,
Blushing can occur when we are feeling embarassment, anger, excitement, or when laughing too much e.t.c. Saying to ourselves "oh no, I can't go red or shouldn't laugh as I may look silly to others' and then trying desparately not to turn red or laugh will only INCREASE your blood flow and will in turn make your blushing much worse. If you relax and try not to fight it or focus on it, then it won't be as prominent.
Ofcourse, the underlying issue here is self-esteem and negative/unrealistic thinking. Next time you think other people are thinking badly of you because of blushing or anything else, just say to yourself: 'IF' (and that's a really big if), someone really is criticising or judging you, then they're not at all worth it.
No intelligent, decent, or worthwhile person would.
Blushing can occur when we are feeling embarassment, anger, excitement, or when laughing too much e.t.c. Saying to ourselves "oh no, I can't go red or shouldn't laugh as I may look silly to others' and then trying desparately not to turn red or laugh will only INCREASE your blood flow and will in turn make your blushing much worse. If you relax and try not to fight it or focus on it, then it won't be as prominent.
Ofcourse, the underlying issue here is self-esteem and negative/unrealistic thinking. Next time you think other people are thinking badly of you because of blushing or anything else, just say to yourself: 'IF' (and that's a really big if), someone really is criticising or judging you, then they're not at all worth it.
No intelligent, decent, or worthwhile person would.
SaharaWorld
Well-known member
Hi Kalima
I did this simple exercise during a group therapy session that helped with self-esteem.
We had to list 10 positive attributes/character traits about ourselves and then compare lists: We could even list accomplishments we have made.
eg. 1. Caring 2. Hardworking 3. Graduating university
This was helpful as it reinforced and highlighted the positive in us, rather than the negative.
S.A . sufferers tend to focus far too much on their negative attributes and completely overlook or dismiss the positive because "they don't count' for some reason.
I did this simple exercise during a group therapy session that helped with self-esteem.
We had to list 10 positive attributes/character traits about ourselves and then compare lists: We could even list accomplishments we have made.
eg. 1. Caring 2. Hardworking 3. Graduating university
This was helpful as it reinforced and highlighted the positive in us, rather than the negative.
S.A . sufferers tend to focus far too much on their negative attributes and completely overlook or dismiss the positive because "they don't count' for some reason.
pitkreet
Well-known member
Kalima said:
Hi kalima,
I am making some progress in overcoming SA. To be honest, I am still a bit lazy about it, I know I could try harder, but sometimes talking to other people and offering advice, like in this thread, helps me to regain focus and motiviation. I am on a waiting list to see a counsellor, so hopefully having that interaction with a professional will help me to try harder.
As for self esteem, to be honest, I was going to point to an excellent thread in my original reply to swtnsxy86. It was a thread which was packed with advice from another fourm member who had oversome SA through his own efforts. But for some reason, all his posts seem to be have been erased by himself, which I find quite upsetting. I had actually previously saved all of his posts from that thread in a file and printed them off, so I still have all the info. I have tried contacting him through an SA support group website which I think he helped set up and await a reply. In the mean-time, you could try visitng the website http://sawest.social-anxiety.org.uk/sessions.html and read the "Past Session Handouts" word files which can be found down the right column of that page.
Chilling__Echo
Well-known member
i just had to learn to relax, it takes alot of work and i still have my moments. everyday. but i try to just let it roll off my shoulders. i'm tired of living in fear.
i wish it wasn't a natural thing for humans to do...
i wish it wasn't a natural thing for humans to do...
SPECTACULAR
Well-known member
I think caring what people would say about you is a natural thing in all of us. I mean without it, diets won't get the fuss it has, people would stop combing their hair before they go out, they wouldn't change their clothes and wear fancy things before visiting someone, they wouldn't complement each other, and they would give their honest opinions to each other. All of us care about others' opinions naturally. I know some people don't. Like a guy in my college who never brush his teeth, change or iron his clothes, comb his hair or even wear a perfume. The problem is when you talk to him, he thinks that he's all fine and doesn't need your advise!
I wish i'm like that guy sometimes, though!
pitkreet
Well-known member
What I mean is that you do not need to let your perception of what other people think of you determine how you feel about yourself.
For sure, a genuine compliment from another person can make you feel better about yourself, but if you have low self-esteem, you might disbelieve the compliment or feel that you need to have compliments all the time to feel good about yourself. How you feel about yourself can become largely dependant upon what you think other's opinion of you is.
When you have high self-esteem, you accept and enjoy compliments, but can choose to disregard derogatory comments. That's not to say that you should just disregard any criticism of yourself because you think you are great and everyone else is wrong. That is arrogance. You can take on board criticism, evaluate whether or not it's valid and decide whether you can improve yourself in that area. But when someone is being nasty, for example, slagging you because you blush easily, you can decide that the opinion of that person is irrelevant.
I think it's also important that you do not go around being disparaging about other people. It's creates negative energy and does you little good. If you set yourself a moral standard of behaviour where you react to people in the way you would wish them to react to you, you can feel good about yourself for meeting your own standards.
If you read up about what SA is, why your blushing is happening, and begin to understand the mechanics of it all, that alone can help. If someone thinks you're a bit weird and avoids you because you blush a lot, it's because they're ignorant of your condition. It's your faulty thinking which is preventing your true personality to shine through. If you work on changing your automatic negative thinking and building your self-esteem, you will gradually find yourself able to be yourself again.
For sure, a genuine compliment from another person can make you feel better about yourself, but if you have low self-esteem, you might disbelieve the compliment or feel that you need to have compliments all the time to feel good about yourself. How you feel about yourself can become largely dependant upon what you think other's opinion of you is.
When you have high self-esteem, you accept and enjoy compliments, but can choose to disregard derogatory comments. That's not to say that you should just disregard any criticism of yourself because you think you are great and everyone else is wrong. That is arrogance. You can take on board criticism, evaluate whether or not it's valid and decide whether you can improve yourself in that area. But when someone is being nasty, for example, slagging you because you blush easily, you can decide that the opinion of that person is irrelevant.
I think it's also important that you do not go around being disparaging about other people. It's creates negative energy and does you little good. If you set yourself a moral standard of behaviour where you react to people in the way you would wish them to react to you, you can feel good about yourself for meeting your own standards.
If you read up about what SA is, why your blushing is happening, and begin to understand the mechanics of it all, that alone can help. If someone thinks you're a bit weird and avoids you because you blush a lot, it's because they're ignorant of your condition. It's your faulty thinking which is preventing your true personality to shine through. If you work on changing your automatic negative thinking and building your self-esteem, you will gradually find yourself able to be yourself again.