Pastafarian London Girl
Member
I don't know if I'm a complete weirdo or if anyone feels similarly.
I just started a new course at college and, as I'm socially anxious and have selective mutism, I'll never be a leader. I really want to make friends, but as I've spent so long not having any, I feel that I ,even if I wasn't so shy, I couldn't really be bothered with them anyway. They all follow the leader around and do whatever he wants to do and I'm used to being on my own and doing what I want. As I have only my boyfriend and I've had no proper friends for years, I've imagined that I'm going to meet someone who's really similar to me, mainly wants me as a friend and hates big groups, but I doubt this will happen.
Some people have been friendly to me but they'd always prefer to be with the dominant person. I end up giving up following them around as I find them too confident to warm to. I have a history of depression and I'm starting to feel down again. I don't like the thought of being the girl that just follows the normal people around at lunch time and can't speak unless it's one on one, but I also hate feeling like the outcast who doesn't know anyone when I'm in class. I really don't know what to do or whether to leave the course, but I know that being around people is part of life. If I had a couple of close friends, I don't think the groups would be as much of an issue, but it's so hard going from hardly seeing anyone to being in a group of 20 or more.
Sorry for the rant but, if you bothered reading my post, what would you do?
I just started a new course at college and, as I'm socially anxious and have selective mutism, I'll never be a leader. I really want to make friends, but as I've spent so long not having any, I feel that I ,even if I wasn't so shy, I couldn't really be bothered with them anyway. They all follow the leader around and do whatever he wants to do and I'm used to being on my own and doing what I want. As I have only my boyfriend and I've had no proper friends for years, I've imagined that I'm going to meet someone who's really similar to me, mainly wants me as a friend and hates big groups, but I doubt this will happen.
Some people have been friendly to me but they'd always prefer to be with the dominant person. I end up giving up following them around as I find them too confident to warm to. I have a history of depression and I'm starting to feel down again. I don't like the thought of being the girl that just follows the normal people around at lunch time and can't speak unless it's one on one, but I also hate feeling like the outcast who doesn't know anyone when I'm in class. I really don't know what to do or whether to leave the course, but I know that being around people is part of life. If I had a couple of close friends, I don't think the groups would be as much of an issue, but it's so hard going from hardly seeing anyone to being in a group of 20 or more.
Sorry for the rant but, if you bothered reading my post, what would you do?