depressed
New member
I drove thousands of miles through France to find the perfect bridge to jump from (they have many.... you may be surprised) - but chickened out the last moment.
The problem is (and I dare talking about it openly now, I couldn't until a few months ago) that I am "gifted" (above average intelligence).
I hate saying that, since it sounds (and always has) like bragging to me and I don't feel "superior" to others, but am afraid they might think that I think that I was etc. (arrogant behaviour and all).
Therefore I have really great difficulty making social contacts that last longer than a few weeks. I have something to say / an opinion on everything, so I can talk for hours with people, that is luckily not my problem. But then I lose interest in the person and suddenly think of "better" things to do.
Anyway, if you're still with me: I was against my clearly stated will put into a psychiatry afterwards. I told them I had social phobia, that I blushed when I was standing in line at the local super market, couldn't look people in the eye, always had wet hands when the tension arose before I knew I had to shake hands etc. - but the doctors at the psychiatry said I was lying - or that at least it wasn't phobic.
They said I was very physically attractive (might that be deceiving, even to professionals?) - was very articulate (my mother tongue is German), smart and seem to be very witty.
They just wouldn't believe me, in the end they discharged me and told me I had too high expectations of life in general.
What use is that if I don't feel better at all? I still consider my self VERY socially phobic (and I did a lot of research into it), and find that everything around me changes for the better if I take Valium of Xanax.
Has anyone made any similar experiences with these substances and social phobia? Unlike alcohol (which I really don't like), they don't impair much and make (at least me) you resilient against social phobia.
Help please!! Do you think a doctor here in Germany would prescribe one of these substances if I told him/her that it works like magic for me? Right now I"m getting them from the black market, at outrageous prices.
You have to realize that German pyschiatrics are very "conservative" when it comes to medication and don't easily prescribe such medicine (they tell you "it could be worse, learn to live with it").
I'm still very suicidal and depressed and my life is so much better when one of the problems, social phobia, is resolved.
It's not a complete cure for me, but 50% of my depression. Should I dare going to the doctor and telling her/him that I am socially phobic and have made great experiences with benzos?
I know a lot of ppl 'abuse' them, but I feel I deserve them!
The problem is (and I dare talking about it openly now, I couldn't until a few months ago) that I am "gifted" (above average intelligence).
I hate saying that, since it sounds (and always has) like bragging to me and I don't feel "superior" to others, but am afraid they might think that I think that I was etc. (arrogant behaviour and all).
Therefore I have really great difficulty making social contacts that last longer than a few weeks. I have something to say / an opinion on everything, so I can talk for hours with people, that is luckily not my problem. But then I lose interest in the person and suddenly think of "better" things to do.
Anyway, if you're still with me: I was against my clearly stated will put into a psychiatry afterwards. I told them I had social phobia, that I blushed when I was standing in line at the local super market, couldn't look people in the eye, always had wet hands when the tension arose before I knew I had to shake hands etc. - but the doctors at the psychiatry said I was lying - or that at least it wasn't phobic.
They said I was very physically attractive (might that be deceiving, even to professionals?) - was very articulate (my mother tongue is German), smart and seem to be very witty.
They just wouldn't believe me, in the end they discharged me and told me I had too high expectations of life in general.
What use is that if I don't feel better at all? I still consider my self VERY socially phobic (and I did a lot of research into it), and find that everything around me changes for the better if I take Valium of Xanax.
Has anyone made any similar experiences with these substances and social phobia? Unlike alcohol (which I really don't like), they don't impair much and make (at least me) you resilient against social phobia.
Help please!! Do you think a doctor here in Germany would prescribe one of these substances if I told him/her that it works like magic for me? Right now I"m getting them from the black market, at outrageous prices.
You have to realize that German pyschiatrics are very "conservative" when it comes to medication and don't easily prescribe such medicine (they tell you "it could be worse, learn to live with it").
I'm still very suicidal and depressed and my life is so much better when one of the problems, social phobia, is resolved.
It's not a complete cure for me, but 50% of my depression. Should I dare going to the doctor and telling her/him that I am socially phobic and have made great experiences with benzos?
I know a lot of ppl 'abuse' them, but I feel I deserve them!
.... be it intelligance.. or if your good at drawing everyone has somthing i think,its only when you rub it in peoples faces when it becomes "big head-nes lol" And it probaly took more guts to not jump off the bridge ya know
