Do you question who you're, what's your purpose in life?...

[nope1]

Do you sometimes question who you are?

Because I think my social phobia is about "Who am I", what's my purpose in this life? What do I like? What's my personality? Why do I hate myself?

I think I can't be who I am it's because I'm probably ashamed of myself, ashamed of my past.

Why Am I scared about knowing new people? about letting people know who you really are? Am I unhuman to not let people in? Why Is it such difficult to function in society?

Why do I always compare myself to other people? especially my sister? I'm a person too. I have to cherish myself!

What do I like in life? What will I want to be in the future? Which career will I want to choose? I have absolutely no idea and this is pissing me off.

Am afraid of the pain that I'm going to receive to not be able to get a job? Am I afraid of the suffering that I'm going to get?

When will I get this perfect piece of mind where I know what I want and that I will try my absolute best to get it, when?

I'm 21 years old, I can't f@#$ stay like this, I have to do something. I have to take some kind of vacation. Like a spiritual journey about knowing myself. To just... know myself before knowing other people.

Because, without knowing it, I'm projecting neutral way of myself, and they react to it, and I react to it back.

So the personality that I developed to interact with other people is flawed, it's not "ME", the real me.

So I have to find my real me, the real me hidden under this complexion. Under this mass jungle of thoughts. To be free, have the freedom again, to be independent, knowing what I want without a doubt, to be happy, to be peaceful with myself and the world.

That's my wish, and I hope I'll be able to know myself... I really am, because I F$@$ want to get out of this F#$@ depression. It's killing me inside. It's makes me a zombie, a stone. No emotions, no ideas, just... a mannequin, ready to be controlled anytime, anyplace.

I have to someday say no more, no more, I'm me, I have my place in this world, I can contribute to this beautiful world.
Help the needy, help the unfortunate, try to give the best of myself...

Sorry if this seems long but I just... want to get this over with.

 

[Thelema]

I think I'm beginning to understand who I am. I want power and I want to lust and I want to be greedy 8) thats who I am...a man of the earth. I want all the wordly pleasures because they bring me pleasure. Fuck guilt its who I truely am I believe. I feel a sense of understanding of myself and acceptance. I know now why I like to wear a nice watch and why I like to look at pretty girls and want to be rich...I was always this way and its time to get rid of the self deceit.

Now that I know who I am I can now figure out ways of getting the things I want. There's this song that goes "what kind of world do you want" ask yourself that and do things to bring about the world YOU want. If you want a nice car then go and get that damned car and if you want new shoes or friends or whatever bring it to you by going to get it and knowing why you're doing what you are doing.

 

[Jack-B]

I always question who i am and why i am here. Where is here and why was i born in this body? Is this even my body when it came from other people who happen to be called 'my parents'?

We need to challenge our reality, dont we?

The path of ultimate truth is waiting to be experienced by the curious.

Why spend a wasted lifetime suffering, going along with the ordinary, when all we want to be extra-ordinary, dont we?

Our real self is extra-ordinary beyond our current awareness and can only be accessed by developing an extra-ordinary awareness. We basically need to trash our current view of how we see our self as ordinary in an ordinary world. Thats not who we really are.

Realizing whats going on takes great wisdom. That wisdom arises and begins by creating a simple wish....

"So I have to find my real me, the real me hidden under this complexion. Under this mass jungle of thoughts. To be free, have the freedom again, to be independent, knowing what I want without a doubt, to be happy, to be peaceful with myself and the world.

That's my wish, and I hope I'll be able to know myself"

And from that wish, a new world will appear, you will see things differently.

Jack

 

[xkiss_me_nowx]

i always question this..
but i think that everyone has a purpose in life, and im quite spiritual that way.. im a very spiritual person.. and well everyone was born on this earth for a purpose in life, and whatever happens is meant to be, and i think that whether we all know it or not, were here to do something?

i dont know if that made any sense, im not really good at expressin my thoughts in words.. ha.

 

[ImSoTired]

I have a very similar questions that are in my head constantly. I'm 23 and have gone back to school after a a few years of isolation. And I get worried about my future because I have no idea what I will be doing as a career. I've been so consumed by worries, fears, depression and such that I forgot to focus on myself. I forgot to enjoy the present, my present relationships, my present accomplishments, etc....

Yes I've been focusing on what others will think of me and how I should perform in certain situations and I go through the self-pity. I don't even know what my passions are, what hobbies I like, what my true interests are, what my true personality is like and what skills I have. And yes, this angers me as well because I do want to be an independent and successful person who will no longer feel the shame of having to heavily rely on my parents and others for money, shelter and all the other necessities in life. I initially wanted to tranfer to a 4 year college because I thought after 2 years, I would figure out a gameplan. But I'm still clueless and I actually don't want to deal with another 4-6 years of school.

It's tough because I feel I'm lost...I'm becoming less "human", I'm becoming less "me." I've always felt the inner need to serve others and to listen to others, but I don't think I have offered much except for emotional inconveniences and an angry cynical attitude. It seems true, how can I help others if I can't even help myself?

 

[phoenix1]

I always question who I am and whats my purpose here almost on a daily basis. When I was in my late teens, the world had possibilities. I could be anything I wanted to be simply by imagining it devoid of all the pain and anxiety that such a decision would realistically create for me. And so I waited. In my 7-8 years of directionless college days, opportunities slowly dwindled because I was too afraid of the realities of such a conviction. So I waited and did a simple generic degree. Now several years later, I simply ‘get by’ without even the need of a full time job / career. I’m still waiting for something / someone to tell me what to do as I watch the years fly by. Too afraid to take initiative on my own. I know that by the time I figure it out, it will probably be too late then. Its painful to see the years turn dreams into regrets…but I still wait.

I loved computer games growing up and the joy of getting to the next level and such. How I wish life was like that. I have so much caged motivation, ready to pounce on something, but I don’t even know where or what the next level is. I always have to be so sure of something before I unleash the maelstrom of motivation. Life is never so certain, so instead I do nothing.

 

[Jem88]

xD Hi,
My names Jem, 23!

I concider my self to be a v priti blonde young girl. But i go well red all the time, lol reading these postes makes me feel better. 1 cos i aint the only one, 2 iv met someone at work who does it and they look fine and i actually think they look crismatic? they have carisma or that word anyway! my point is that i just went to the shop and cos i read some stuff on here i dint feel so (self concious) ofcourse until i went to pay for a crate of beer n the guy asks me a question. pml , i was so pissed of with my self that i snaped at him! i feel even worse.

Like panic attacks, if you understand whats happening to ur self then you can over come them. I used to have extreme panic attacks, really messed with my head and it got to the point where i lacked sleep! wen i feel asleep id wake up cos i coudnt breath. And i got soo tired i wanted it all to end an thought about suicide.

Then I talked to my mum, she adviced me to chat to other ppl, so i did my mates mum an so on. I found that it was a very common problem and didnt feel ashamed any more. Im glad to say that i dnt have panic anymore only very occasional. And although for a moment i feel like im goin to drop dead, i think! hang on! iv felt like this before and i know its just an attack AND I CANT DIE OF BLOODY FEAR pml, and they go away cos i forget about them.

So my point is that, because i used to fear having an attack and obses about it, id have one! lol

If I obses and fear goin red i would! so surely i can do the same thing with the blushing? right? What i mean is that iv found very similar links between the blushing thing and panick attacks.

(1) Panic Attack! think about and fear your goin to have one? you'll have one!
Blush! think about it and fear it? you'll have bloody one!

(2) (Self concious about ur heart rate? or feel a bit wierd, dizy? PANICK ATTACK!)
(feel self concious? someone is looking at you? OMG im guna go well red BANG RED FACE!)

Now! this is wen i find no time for red face or panic!

(1) When im physically active, cleaning, or just in a rush to get PHYSICAL work done!

(2) When im really pissed off with someone at work like my boss, and i need to confront her.

So why is this? does anyone feel the same?
The only way i can understand or pinpoint why this is! IS because i have no time to think! no time to obses! iv got other things on my mind there for IM NOT AT THAT POINT SO SELF CONCIOUS and i DNT CARE AT THAT POINT (WHAT PPL THINK OF ME)

Then i calm down or its another day and it starts al over again!
Moring Jem!
me <---- YO YO YO

U ok jem?
me <---- mind ur own business lol (have a laff and continue work)
Here im find because iv just biked to work (Physical activity)
1 hour later
Good weekend jem?
OMG SOMEONES SPEAKING TO ME! RED FACE!

Another day.
Hi jem
me <---- hiya
Your rota has changes jem!
me<--- WTF?
Bang bang on bosses door, dnt like the new rota, im pissed of sort it out now!
done!
Now im calm, boss comes n says al sorted np (RED FACE)

Although I understand this I still dont! does any off this make sence or am i a lost case xD
Jem x

 

[cherish]

Hi Nope, i know exactly what you're saying with being neutral and you kind of end up creating yourself in a relationship as you go along depending upon how the other person percieves you and treats you. I've found that when I'm in a situation where that happens it's easier to find who I am or more like who I am not. I get angry because of the assumptions that the other person makes and then it forces me to show them that's not who I am. It's complicated I guess, I used to feel like that alot though. It's gotten better since I've been surrounding myself with different people and not caring too much about the ones who have an opinion of me that's not the same as mine. Good luck to you, you seem like a cool person and i bet you're smart enough to figure a way of looking at it that makes you feel better about things.