Do you hate holiday family gatherings?

[NevermindThat]

I hate Thanksgiving and Christmas because that means I'm going to be around relatives who I don't often see and they're going to want to know what I've been up to and I'm going to have absolutely nothing to tell them. It's supposed to be a joyous time, yet I go away feeling so ashamed because I've done nothing with my life (I'm twenty-eight). It also leaves me feeling depressed because I see that my cousins, who range in age from late teens to mid-30s, have grown up and have done something with their lives and I feel like I'm losing them. I feel like I can't be around them anymore, because I can't relate. I feel like they're going to unintentionally say something that will hurt my feelings and make me feel even worse about myself. I also feel like I'm still 11-years-old. I love my extended family so much; they're important to me. But I feel I can't be around them. I miss them so much, but I continue to distance myself from them. I'm already dreading the holidays. To add to that, I have a couple of birthday parties I have to attend that time of year as well.

Just typing that made me frustrated and angry.

 

[maggie]

hey NevermindThat....i hate family stuff too...i avoid what i can..like say i have to work or whatever :roll: ...but Christmas and Easter, Thanksgiving..are really hard for me to get out of, cause, my Mom always has me bring something, like part of the meal, probably just to make sure i get my ass there....and like you..... i hate the questions and small talk from cousins, aunts and stuff....like, i still work in the same coffee shop...and i really should have moved on by now and found something better, but it's too hard for me, and it's embarassing ...to make it easier, lately, i have been arriving an hour early...or half an hour...then i'm there before anyone else...and i don't have to walk in to everyone at the same time...seems to help a little

 

[NevermindThat]

to make it easier, lately, i have been arriving an hour early...or half an hour...then i'm there before anyone else...and i don't have to walk in to everyone at the same time...seems to help a little

Oh yeah. lol! I can totally relate to that. I also like to leave as early as possible. Quietly.

 

[PhantomPod]

I love my family and I love family gatherings, but I always end up feeling a bit disappointed when I leave them. I don't know what it is. But just sometimes we'll all be sitting around a table and I'll be sitting there surrounded by all of my loved ones, yet I'll still feel all alone because I barely have anything to contribute to the conversation. :?

 

[J]

yes, i feel horribly embarassed at family gatherings too... it's such a shame. i don't know what to do about it... part of it is SA and part of it is that i'm totally embarassed as everyone else in my fam seems to have the good life coming together and i'm stuck in a morass of crap...

i'm totally with you, worrydoll, on the shy and gentle thing... me being one of the guys who doesn't bark nonsense all the time (sometimes, I'll admit )

 

[Nightshade]

One of my New Year's resolutions for this year is not to dread the family Christmas so much. I really only have to deal with family gatherings once a year usually, but I seem to start dreading them 2 months in advance or something.

I'm with NeverMindThat in that I always feel like a child there even though I'm 33. It isn't that I've done nothing with my life, but that I've never had a boyfriend and also because I'm scared I'm going to blush a lot, although the blushing anxiety has improved so much that I'm barely worried about it now.

I think Worrydoll's point about finding the way to accept yourself as you are is the crucial thing. I've found life much easier since I realised that I didn't have to be angry at myself for not being as good at some things as other people. Before that it was just eating me up inside that I could be so useless and stupid, now I just shrug my shoulders and think "oh well, that's just me".