hello Trapped
i can empathise with your post. social anxiety robs us of many of the kinds of things that make life more than just existence, more than just a waste.
the regret you feel i can relate to. i know something of what you feel about the milestones passing you by and the attention you pay to them as further reinforcement of the sense of 'waste'. it's devastating. i would be hypocritical were i to offer you inspiration for a 'better life' and a reminder that your life is not a waste, considering the hopelessness and dejection i feel about my own (and i have an additional 7 years of 'waste' to contend with). what i will say is to make every effort you are capable of making to stop the spiral down before it enters the realm of hopelessness.
your story seems similar in some ways to my own. the endless cycle of medications which don't work. i was prescribed seven of them in less than 12 months. the situation was something horrible on top of severe depression and severe social anxiety. it guided me to a place where hopelessness took hold and i'm not sure i'll ever be released from that now.
the side-effects are given little coverage really. i understand what you must have gone through. my situation was that they either a) produced severe side-effects or b) produced no change whatsoever. i look back on that time now as complete confusion and lack of research or understanding on my part and failure by the doctor and psychiatrist to do their jobs adequately. i even wonder about the short-term nature of some of the medications prescribed and whether things could have been different somehow.
one thing that seems common to both of us was that many of the anti-depressants prescribed were from the same basic group of medications - the SSRIs. i was however also prescribed a tricyclic, an RIMA, a SnRI and a NaSSA.
i've done a lot of research about the medications and read the stories of people who have had success/failures with them since the time i gave up on medication and therapy. there is a tiny part of me that wonders if maybe were i to try again, i might have a chance to get some relief from social anxiety through medication and/or therapy. i am simply unable to make the appointments etc to try though. i'm too paralysed with fear and bad past experiences.
one thing i've noticed is the apparent success of combinations of medications for some people. benzodiazepines are frequently criticised for a variety of reasons, but from what i've read, there are people whose lives have improved as a result of them (eg clonazepam -klonopin). anxiolytics such as buspirone (buspar) also might warrant consideration. considering this life, this thing we endure, the positives may outweigh the negatives if relief was to be found in a medication or combination of medication.
one thing to note is that SSRIs are not the only medications available as a tool in managing social anxiety. MAOIs, reversible MAOIs, RIMAs, Heterocyclics, SNRIs. it seems that SSRIs (particularly the famous-name ones such as Sertraline (Zoloft), Paroxetine (Paxil) and Fluoxetine (Prozac) are the ones being prescribed so frequently and seemingly for everything.
the outrageous cost of your having to experiment is one thing, but worse is what it's doing to your mental state and sense of hope.
i think that you should do a lot of research. there is plenty of information available online. read up so that you are fully aware of what's available and what each medication is allegedly effective with, the possible side-effects and find out from socially anxious people who have actually used the drug. just because a drug company says their product is indicated for social anxiety (among other things), doesn't necessarily mean it is going to be effective. the drug companies are in the business of selling. be armed with information, bearing in mind also that everyone is different, and that what works/fails for you does not necessarily apply to everyone else, regardless of the fact they share the same mental illness.
i'm really rambling on in this post, so i apologise.
one thing i did find out about through research is that people who don't respond to antidepressants may have low folate levels, so folate has been suggested as a supplement to medication too.
a couple of usenet newsgroups might be useful to you. alt.support.social-phobia. there are people within that group who are managing their social anxiety and a couple of posters who have reported amazing success with certain drugs and drug combinations. there are also a lot of posters who are vehemently anti-drug and who are attempting other management strategies. success stories seem hard to come by in many places though, and i'm not sure what that indicates. i'd hope that people who find true success would still want to share their find with others. alt.support.anxiety-panic.moderated also has posters who suffer from social anxiety and there is a psychiatrist who posts there too, who often helps with questions about medications.
medication is the topic you asked about, but other options also exist for you to explore - including the various therapies.
i wish i could offer you a solution, Trapped. i feel stupid even responding considering the fact this post is discouraging, rambling and offers nothing concrete and real at all. i'm sorry.
