defensiveness...

[smokey26]

This is my first ever post on a forum, so I hope I am doing it right...

I hold on to so much negativity and even though I want to make friends I am so defensive that I push people away or i'm "too" nice because i'm scared people won't like me.. I remember nearly every single person who hasn't liked me or who I have angered and beat myself up about it.. even from years ago at school and when i was a small child, in fact thinking about those times is probably worse than new people who don't like me.. I don;t know why these people have so much power over me.. and it makes me feel bitter, and i don't want to feel that way, but the way these people treated me left me feeling empty and alone.. and like there is something wrong with me.. but logically I know that not everyone can or will like everyone..

 

[nemasket]

I can definitely relate to what you said. I have so much that was said to me when I was younger that I just seem to cart around and feel bad about. I know the whole saying that if you keep reliving what happened to you, you're just doing the work of the people who hurt you. But it's so hard to stop thinking about. It feels like I have such a gigantic hole of bad thoughts and feelings that nothing could ever fill it.

I know selective memory is related to social anxiety - perhaps why one of my best friends growing up seemed to bounce back from even the worst teasing with an outgoing enthusiasm, while I just withered more inside and got even quieter. I wish I had some advice, but I'm in the same boat. I just can't shake an overwhelming sense that I'm disgusting or foreign in some way, no matter how great a situation I may be in. And then it just sabotages any happiness, and any relationships, I'm able to scrap together.

 

[Helyna]

I definitely relate to being too nice... I don't know how to act normally in some situations, so I just try to be nice to everyone. Though if I stopped thinking about it, I'd probably naturally act normally. :? I also remember the bad things much more than the good ones. They seem so much bigger.
Welcome to the site!

 

[chris87]

I am exactly the same way. I try to act nice so that people like me. I tend to overanalyze everything, and I am always watching everything that I do.

 

[smokey26]

thank you for your responses.. I guess it felt good to express my feelings, but i was still nervous of the responses i'd get, i guess that is anxiety related though! For now, i am trying to focus on not feeling like i have to change to suit everyone.. but i don't know where this need stems from.. maybe critical parents?