Dating website!!!

[albatros1234]

There is a dating website for people who suffer with stress related problems( depression, anxiety etc).

www.nolongerlonely.com

Its deafantly worth checking out.

Thanks,

Nat

 

[YankeeBob]

Dating Issues

Hi...my name is Bob. I live in Australia so its unlikely we will ever meet in the street.

Those of us on this site have issues with intimacy. Talking about our feelings, low self esteem, lack of self confidence, inhibitions ( have I left anything out ) ?

We think someone else, a relationship or relationship will "fix us" or "fix me".

Am I making any sense ?

That's like saying "I want to run a marathon so I will enter one next weekend".

I don't need any training, nor any change to my nutrition, or mental endurance.

In a way its insanity.

Speaking for myself, and that's all I am just a simple man, no relationship ever gave me self esteem. Nor fixed my loneliness.

I had to learn that self esteem, confidence were issues I had to learn to fix myself. And then when I was well ( aka healthier ) I was able to develop a relation with other men and then with women.

Does this make sense to anyone ?

 

[albatros123]

HI Bob,

Yes I understand what u mean that we must fix ourself and that self esteem must come form ourselves etc.

However with regards to lonliness- I think being in a relationship or having new friends can help that and it gives you a companion and someone to do things with( whether going to cinema or going for a walk etc) which a lot of the time is better doing with someone rather than alone.

I think we can be in a relationship or have friends at the same time as working( fixing ourselves) on ourselves.

I agree we shouldnt think soemone else can fix us. But I also feel its healthy to have friends/ comanionship/ relationship. As we are all human and like to have people to share thinsg with or to have someone to love and to receieve love. These are human desires and I think are healthy for us.

Take care,

Natalie

 

[YankeeBob]

Building a Better Life

Hi Natalie.

You are so right.

Making new friends, building bridges to others, deciding to make changes to our social networks.....these do ( in my experience ) reduce the isolation, improve self esteem, and gives me something to look forward to.

We are not like the character Tom Hanks played in the movie "The Castaway".

We live in cities and towns, where there are communities.

We can either build a wall around ourself to keep everyone else out, or decide to take a chance and let them in.

My issue....take that back....my warning....is that making a relationship work with someone from the opposite gender is a challenge. It may fail. Not because we are flawed or unworthy, but because there is so much expectation / hope raised that "it might fix my emotional/psychological needs".

For women / girls this is the Cinderella Fantasy. You know, "Cinderella meets Prince Charming, they fall in love, get married and live happily ever after".

The fact is that love is not a matter of "falling" into. Its more an issue of "standing in". That is making it renew every day.

If you decide to do any reading on the subject of Love, I would urge all to look at two books:

* Eric Fromm's "The Art of Loving" written, as I recall in the 1950s

and

* "Getting the Love You Want", the author I forget just at the moment.

Take care. Be well.