TheUnimpressed
New member
Hello all,
I used to lurk this site years back when I was a sufferer of SA and couldn’t even bring myself to post online but since then through consistent exposure and CBT techniques I’ve recovered quite a bit
. Now I have a situation where I’m not entirely sure on what to do so I would very much like your advice and guidance on the following.
I met a girl at house party and I remember we had really good rapport and spoke for hours. Our interests and values just gelled really well together. I unfortunately chickened out of getting her number so we parted ways.
The second time I met her was at her birthday drinks months after and involved heavy drinking for the both of us. Through some liquid courage I was able to initiate a dance and even embraced her with behind but then I went in for a kiss she freaked out ran away from me. At this point, I took it quite personally but a friend of mine told me in confidence that she had never kissed anyone before so it was only natural she got scared. Eventually she came back to me and we went back to a mate’s house after and things escalated physically. We were really affectionate to each other but she wouldn’t let me kiss her at all. She told me that she liked me and I told her I liked her as well but she also warned me that she was ‘uptight’. I didn't entirely know what she meant at the time and I just assumed she was just a little shy so I answered that I was patient. She responded back saying no one was that patient and I just said ‘well you’ll be surprised’. At some point in the morning around 8 ish we both left the house and went our separate ways.
Now I suspect she has SA but specifically when it comes to dating and talking to me now. She becomes incredibly anxious when she’s in close proximity to me or when I try to talk to her. She’s totally fine talking to her colleagues and friends but when I spoke to her last time her voice trembled and she ran away from me. She doesn't really respond to me properly via text either. I later learn that she’s very inexperienced when it comes to dating and was warned not to take it personally if she freaks out.
I am quite possibly the furthest she’s ever gone with a guy and I almost regret escalating the way I did with this girl because I feel that I should’ve taken it step by step instead of diving right in. I really like this girl and would like some guidance on how approach her without making her uncomfortable. I know not to do stupid things like point out her anxieties or tell her to relax but the best I can come up with is to take baby steps and to slowly but surely build up her comfort zones based around our interests.
I would also like to know your thoughts on if this girl is even still interested in me or is she just avoiding me because she’s not. I understand that I’m in for the long haul if she is but I would very much like your thoughts.
I used to lurk this site years back when I was a sufferer of SA and couldn’t even bring myself to post online but since then through consistent exposure and CBT techniques I’ve recovered quite a bit
. Now I have a situation where I’m not entirely sure on what to do so I would very much like your advice and guidance on the following. I met a girl at house party and I remember we had really good rapport and spoke for hours. Our interests and values just gelled really well together. I unfortunately chickened out of getting her number so we parted ways.
The second time I met her was at her birthday drinks months after and involved heavy drinking for the both of us. Through some liquid courage I was able to initiate a dance and even embraced her with behind but then I went in for a kiss she freaked out ran away from me. At this point, I took it quite personally but a friend of mine told me in confidence that she had never kissed anyone before so it was only natural she got scared. Eventually she came back to me and we went back to a mate’s house after and things escalated physically. We were really affectionate to each other but she wouldn’t let me kiss her at all. She told me that she liked me and I told her I liked her as well but she also warned me that she was ‘uptight’. I didn't entirely know what she meant at the time and I just assumed she was just a little shy so I answered that I was patient. She responded back saying no one was that patient and I just said ‘well you’ll be surprised’. At some point in the morning around 8 ish we both left the house and went our separate ways.
Now I suspect she has SA but specifically when it comes to dating and talking to me now. She becomes incredibly anxious when she’s in close proximity to me or when I try to talk to her. She’s totally fine talking to her colleagues and friends but when I spoke to her last time her voice trembled and she ran away from me. She doesn't really respond to me properly via text either. I later learn that she’s very inexperienced when it comes to dating and was warned not to take it personally if she freaks out.
I am quite possibly the furthest she’s ever gone with a guy and I almost regret escalating the way I did with this girl because I feel that I should’ve taken it step by step instead of diving right in. I really like this girl and would like some guidance on how approach her without making her uncomfortable. I know not to do stupid things like point out her anxieties or tell her to relax but the best I can come up with is to take baby steps and to slowly but surely build up her comfort zones based around our interests.
I would also like to know your thoughts on if this girl is even still interested in me or is she just avoiding me because she’s not. I understand that I’m in for the long haul if she is but I would very much like your thoughts.
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