Creepy guy

[june]

Well this happened a couple of Sundays ago and now I'm afraid to go back to church. My church set up a bunch of semi-dates because everyone in my church is single, so I decided to break out of my shell and go, a big step. I went out with three guys for an hour and while I didn't like any of them it was okay and I had some fun.
The next day at church one of the guys sat by me because my roommate was gone, I was annoyed but fine. Then he put his arm around me, fine because I know guys do that, though mad because the guy I'm in love with could see the whole thing. Then he started rubbing my shoulders and back-I have severe personal space issues and I never let people in unless I've known them for a long time. I was so uncomfortable because I couldn't get up in the middle of the meeting and run. Finally he made a sexual comment in my ear, and I said I had to go to work and left. That night my bishop, the person in my church who is in charge, called me and said he had pulled the kid aside after church because he had seen the whole thing.
Gosh dang, people interferring makes things ten times worse for me. I could have handled it on my own, but now I have to face at least 2 people instead of avoiding one. I skipped church the next week, and luckily I'm home for spring break but now something that was kinda hard for me to attend is excruciatingly painful to think about.
Why do people feel they have to defend me? I'm quiet but I'm not weak or a doormat, I let a lot of things slide but when something happens I deal with it in my own way. anyway I just had to vent.

 

[Cedeejay]

LMAO everyone has its own technique. A good slap in the face would have replaced this dumbass's ideas. Can't say he doesn't have balls though
And yeah you're right but the guy tried to help, can't be blamed for this

 

[june]

you're right, he tried to help. I guess it brings back memories of my siblings trying to help by telling people, in front of me, that I was shy. I hated that. I wish I could have slapped the guy though, that would have been fun! :lol: It would have made a better story too.

 

[Cedeejay]

haha nothing is lost, you will probably have a lot of occasion in the future to try it out. Sometimes I'm impressed as how you gals can come up with some very good stuff! One time there was that guy going up to a girl and telling her how nice her shoes were. Then she answered my boyfriend bought them to me. next! not even a face or a second of waiting, she launched it like this. funny story, that leaves a guy in a cold right away but hell its part of trying I guess

 

[Zipper]

Thanks for posting your message about your troubles -- I'm sorry this has happened to you.

If it would bring you joy to go back to church, then it would be helpful to develop a new way of thinking about what happened to you two weeks ago. If it would bring you joy to be able to get out of church, then, by all means, DO THAT!

This fellow should not have even put his arms around you unless he had some reason to believe that you would enjoy it. If I had been him, I would have talked to you for a while to see if you were interested. I would have also looked at your breasts for a while to see how you would react (with annoyance or welcoming). Back rubs are definitely crossing the line!

Your Bishop was just trying to help you. He is sort of responsible for making sure "bad things" don't happen in the ward. I'm sure that if he knew this bothered you, he wouldn't do it, on the other hand, he has certain responsibilities that run between himself and the branch that make him responsible to talk to this fellow even if you didn't want him to.

Don't worry about it! This fellow probably won't bother you again, and the Bishop probably won't raise the issue again. You could talk to the Bishop and make a joke about it to relieve the tension!

 

[charlieHungerford]

You are being unfair on the bishop, he did not do this because he thought you were not capable of dealing with this, but because this person was bang out of order and if I was the bishop and saw this I too would have wanted a word with him. I honestly believe that if the bishop had seen this and done nothing he would be absolutely inept as a human being.

How would you act if you were the bishop and saw this happen to someone other than you?

 

[Dreamer_15]

You are being unfair on the bishop, he did not do this because he thought you were not capable of dealing with this, but because this person was bang out of order and if I was the bishop and saw this I too would have wanted a word with him. I honestly believe that if the bishop had seen this and done nothing he would be absolutely inept as a human being.

How would you act if you were the bishop and saw this happen to someone other than you?

i think that was kinda harsh and uncalled for, yeah the 'bishop' was trying to help and thats his job, but (sorry i dunno if your a male/female) but its not nice and can be quite confusing when some weirdo's perving on you specially when your a young girl and your in a church :?

 

[june]

I know I am too hard on the bishop. I actually have a lot more respect for him now. Before I thought he was kind of stuck up, but I know that he talked to the guy to try to help me out, so I respect him for that. I know my anger at is directed at him, so that I don't have to be angry at myself for not telling the guy off. Anyways thanks for your comments

 

[t0keR]

i kno teachers will always "come to my rescue" which is totally humiliating like i cant handly the situation on my own (prob cant tho) then i c other ppl gettin messed w/ n the teacher does nothin bcuz they can handle it. and ive had a creepy guy experience to lol he at the beginning of the yr i was new, and EVRY! told me about some guy that like me sooo much and watched me and talked bout me then sum1 said the stalker said hed me me outside me last hr i rlly didnt want him 2 but i dont like hurtin ppls feelings so i told him my class and he laughed and said he knows what class 8O and i have never been less attracted 2 a guy (looks or personality) in all my life just being around him made me literally sick 2 my stomach but he waited outside all my classes insissted on driving me home everyday (even tho i live right behind the school lol) but he wouldnt take me just home always somehere, starbucks, sonic, ect. 1 nite he texted me and told me he had something rlly important 2 ask and 2 call him (cuz i never answer his calls) and i knew what he wanted 2 ask so i never did lol

 

[june]

I know how you feel. I hate it when people come to my rescue. This guy was the opposite of everything I'm attracted to. If he'd been a guy I thought was cute, the situation might have been a happy one.

 

[mienaino]

I have large beasts but that doesnt give anyone the right to stare at them!

I should hope you keep them covered then.
I don't look into people's eyes because I don't have the right to. I don't look at girls' breasts because I don't have the right to. I don't much look at anyone because I don't have the right to. I wonder, where do you draw the line? Society shames people for where they put their eyes, but why doesn't it shame people for what they put in plain sight? I don't mean to say there's anything wrong with having big breasts, but you can't tell people what they can and can't look at. That isn't up to you. I'm sure it makes you uncomfortable, but imagine how uncomfortable guys feel when the most attractive thing (hey, it's the truth, guys are just wired that way) in plain sight is off-limits to even look at. I'm not saying that I make a habit of ogling, but simply not doing so is also a source of anxiety (of course, for me, it's a lesser source than doing so, but I'm not most guys).
As for the original post... It makes me sad that this is normal. I don't read people very well, so I wouldn't ever know if a girl was into me. I also would never do that (and I agree, he did cross the line). And most girls would never say outright and directly if they were into someone (most would say, either way, that they are not). The paradox is bloody impossible. And meeting people was hard to begin with.

 

[charlieHungerford]

You are being unfair on the bishop, he did not do this because he thought you were not capable of dealing with this, but because this person was bang out of order and if I was the bishop and saw this I too would have wanted a word with him. I honestly believe that if the bishop had seen this and done nothing he would be absolutely inept as a human being.

How would you act if you were the bishop and saw this happen to someone other than you?

i think that was kinda harsh and uncalled for, yeah the 'bishop' was trying to help and thats his job, but (sorry i dunno if your a male/female) but its not nice and can be quite confusing when some weirdo's perving on you specially when your a young girl and your in a church :?

Wow! I am in shock at that reply. There is absolutely nothing in my post that should be taken offence to, I just gave my opinion on June being angry at the bishop and that she has read too much into this. I won't bother replying to posts in future if I am not allowed to give an honest view without people like you taking offence.

 

[Dreamer_15]

ooooooooo sorreee :!:

 

[mienaino]

Would you like me to wear a burqa then!!???? :evil:

That not what I mean. What I said was in jest, meaning that I hope you wear clothes. As the fact is, if a guy stares at your breast, which is clothed, it is entirely different than a guy staring at your breast, unclothed. If you have control over how much of you is visible, that's what you should be more concerned about than how much of you people are looking at. You would only be making your anxiety worse by concerning yourself with things that are not in your control.

I have exactly that right to not want somebody staring at my breasts especially if I am having a conversation with that person!!! As a mark of respect I would never perv on a man I was talking to and I would feel like I was being extremely rude if I was to let my eyes wonder down to his groin instead of paying attention to what he is saying.

I wasn't saying that you don't have that right. By all means, you do. What you don't have is the authority of other people's rights to what they can and cannot look at. I absolutely agree that, out of respect, people should take care as to where their eyes wander, but respect is another matter entirely. And let's face it, guys are wired differently than girls. It's much easier to not concentrate on what's in front of you if you're not attracted to it. And even moreso if it's not roughly eye level and prominently displayed. And still more if it's not an item of peculiar cultural fixation. So if you still want to compare staring at a man's crotch with staring at a woman's breasts, feel free. I think it's an inept comparison... unless you're used to sitting at tables that rise above the breast-level, or if most guys you see have a bulging melon-sized crotch at just below your shoulder line.
This is almost becoming profane, I apologize.

I dont have my breasts out on show and still get unwanted attention and I refuse to strap them down just because men dont seem to able to control what they look at? :x Are they really that pathetic that they cannot control themselves and think it's fine to make women feel uncomfortable. I'm not on show. I'm a person with feelings not a piece of meat to be judge. If I wanted to be gawped at I'd wear next to nothing and start charging people to look :x

I never said you were not a person. I never made any moral judgement on whether it was right or wrong. The focus of my post was that it isn't in your control, and people do in fact have the right to look at anything that is in public. I also never called women pathetic and lacking in self-control. It is a fact of life that you will be judged, that people will look at your figure, that some people can't control themselves or just don't care, but that isn't your problem, that isn't in your control, that is their prerogative.
And before you start making any more sweeping generalizations, consider that men are just as different, one from another, as women. Being here, I would expect you to know that much.

 

[Zipper]

Men dont seem to able to control what they look at.

Wow, I never imagined that I would provoke this kind of debate!

It's normal for men to look at the breasts of the women around them, just as it's normal for them to look at eachother's faces and other aspects of their physical appearance -- but breasts especially! Breasts are pretty, but I prefer faces and hair. I guess I just really like girls, everything about them is very exciting for me. Especially breasts. Big breasts.

Many girls appreciate it when a guy notices their beauty. Some girls hate it, though. Some girls will become uncomfortable and resent it when you look at their breasts, but others will be resent it if you don't! Some girls would just as soon have everyone around them drop dead! :evil: Girls are all different -- some sympathetic, some vicious, some scared, some joyful, some angry. I prefer girls who are playful and down to earth who don't take themselves too seriously and don't choose to nurture ill emotions.

You can never know what a girl is thinking until she tells you or retaliates, or asks you to go on a date, that's why I make it a policy to look at the breasts of girls I am attracted to. It's not wicked or vicious to delight in the appearance of others -- it's more natural. It's definitely masculine. That's one of the ways I can communicate to a woman that I am attracted to her -- by looking at her breasts. 8)

My girlfriends in the past have welcomed it. Others haven't -- that's why they weren't my girlfriends. :wink: Some people have tried to "embarrass" me in the past for looking at them, but it doesn't embarrass me to be called out on it, why would it? LOL!!

I'm talking about looking, not staring. Of course, I would never stare at breasts like I was trying to stare down an angry dog! LOL!!! Mostly I would just politely take note of them and then look back at her face. Then I would look at them again if I wished. 8)

But I want to make it clear -- if you are uncomfortable by any action by a man, it is your right to be angry and anxious avoid him. It is your right to label him in your mind a "pervert."