Conversational Topics

[16]

Hi there everyone! I'm fairly new to these forums though I've been reading for around a fortnight now. I'm also 16 and from the UK. So many of these posts have rung true with me, and I'm glad to be starting the process of "self-repair" 8)

For a long time now I've feared social situations due to the fact I haven't known what to say. Such as which routes to go down, what kind of questions to ask them so that I stimulate lengthy responses? Most conversations tend to end quickly because of this. Which is really embaressing for me because I don't want to appear self-centered or disinterested in what they are talking about - which I sometimes do.

It's all too often that I get these one-word or short responses that I can't really follow up on. Like "alright", "Ok", "It was great thanks" - and I'm just kind of left there unable to think of what to ask next. Especially when I don't know too much about them. I frequently just avoid these situations in the first place by using listening to music as a get-around.

Just recently I met someone I hadn't seen in a while. The conversation went onto what each of us did over the summer, a few anecdotes, how our families were, how his hobbies were going, how we were finding the school and subjects, etc...but then I came to a point where I was really unsure of what to persue next. Everything so far had been standard and easy, but then this awkwardness where I couldn't come up with anything. I really want to appear friendly to people, rather than so introverted...and all these embaressing silences just aren't helping at all. (Luckily it was interupted by a friend, whereby I made an excuse to leave the situation.)

So what I'm really wondering is what kind of questions do you ask people when the conversation comes to a "dead point", how do you keep it going when you don't know to much about them, how do you structure your questions so they are more open to longer responses? Perhaps I'm asking too much anyway and need to talk more about outside interests?

Thanks!

 

[spurs]

u know what? having the opposite happen can be just as bad. have you ever had a really one-sided conversation where the person you were talking to just wouldn't shut up and kept going on about stuff that u weren't all that interested in? well that can be worse because you just can't get away and you have to stay and feign politeness.
ok back to your issue.
what are you interested in? it sounds like you like music, so you can ask general type quetions about what kinds of music they are into, if they go to concerts much, if they play music themselves etc. talk about the music you like, why etc.
what they do in their free time, holidays etc
i'm not a teenager anymore but my teenage brother seems to be interested in music, movies, sport, himself!, gossip about his peers etc
if you have things in your life that you are really passionate about, talk about these things, as they may have similar interests.
you can ask what they think about current world events, or talk about things that are currently happening in your city - sporting events etc
things that i like talking about are art, philosophy, and music, so if these come up in conversation i am always interested.
conversation takes two, so remember it's not only on you if the conversation runs dry, they probably don't know what to say either.
anxiety also make you clam up, and narrows your perception/thinking abilities so if you relax you should find it easier.
i think when you're a teenager your small talk abilities are not fully developed, it will get easier as you get older!
don't beat yourself up about it. many people have troule with small talk, and sometimes it really is inconcequential.
sorry if this doesn't help you!(i tried!)

 

[spurs]

converstaion is about exploring each others minds and bouncing ideas off each other, so make sure it is stimulating for you too. if you don't like talking about a particular subject, you don't need to talk about it just to keep the other person happy. you are not going to get on or have a connection with everyperson you meet. that 's just the way the world is. and sometimes silence is nice.