tiamae
New member
I had my first experience with intrusive thoughts and anxiety when I was 12. The symptoms came on suddenly and with increasing intensity over several months. This was in the early 70's and neither my parents or Dr. new what was going on with me. My initial pattern involved an intense fear of food contamination. I stopped eating much and lost 30 lbs. in 3 months. The fears were relieved by controlling my intake and touching my teeth and other objects with my pinkie fingers, and repeated hand washing. When I had my first period; symptoms subsided greatly and for @ 4 years, life went back to normal. When I was 16, these unwanted thoughts(always about harm to my family) came back. Now though, they were relieved by checking, over and over again. Again, after an intense period, things subsided. I got married, had a baby and life was pretty good. When my marriage started to fall apart, again, the symptoms returned. Now I doubted everything. I asked for reassurance over and over. I checked and double checked everything. After my divorce, normal again. To make a long story shorter, whenever I have gone through a stressful time, my symptoms come back with a vengeance, often relieved by new, changed rituals. I went on Paxil about 12 years ago for a 2 year stint. The feelings, thoughts and need to act went away completely in less than a month! The side effects were, however awful. After coming off meds, my intrusive thoughts are back, but gentler and less anxiety producing. And strangely, they only happen at home. At work- no problem, when I'm away on vacation, no worries. At home, I really am ok as long as I perform a nightly ritual combining toughing, entering doorways a particular way, touching my teeth, looking at photos of loved ones in a certain sequence, etc. All in all, less than 20 minutes a day! Of course, when I am stressed or upset, this increases somewhat, but still very manageable. Has anyone else had the experience of constantly morphing symptoms and rituals.
By the way, I now celebrate my unique brain. I feel I am very lucky to have such mild symptoms at this point and because I am a counselor by profession, I feel I am better positioned to support others with challenges to work through in their life. I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has had a similar experience.
By the way, I now celebrate my unique brain. I feel I am very lucky to have such mild symptoms at this point and because I am a counselor by profession, I feel I am better positioned to support others with challenges to work through in their life. I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has had a similar experience.