catch 22 of socialphobia

[JonnyA]

Hi boro,

I've thought about this long and hard and it seems that at some point i will just have to take the plunge and admit to other people that i have a very stunted life and a very serious problem.

Even on this forum, I feel ashamed about how isolated I am. It seems like I'm in the bottom 1% of the bottom 1%. My target is to get an acquaintance (even online) who's as isolated as me. That acquaintance and I would then have less to be embarassed about. Everything would be easier.

If anyone would like to talk on email or MSN, I have almost unlimited time.

 

[Quixote]

lonesomeboy wrote:
i keep on thinking about SP and how it works. for me my main problem is that i feel so goddam embarassed about myself and my life, that it prevents me making friends and getting a life in the first place, which would cure my SP. if that makes any sense. its like a catch 22 of SA.

This is exactly my problem as well, I could function reasonably well, socially, if only...I had a social life already. I have met a few interesting people a few times in the past years, and some did appreciate my company, but I knew from the beginning I could never get closer to them, because that would mean disclosing embarassing details about my lack of social life. As a result I have been living for years without a real friend, only acquaitances, few of them, and some closer friends whom I have met abroad, far away from my joke of a life.

About Boro's suggestion of telling everything in advance to potential friends, well I am afraid that might make matters worse. It depends a lot on the person of course, but I think most of them would simply be too surprised and embarassed by a stranger (that's what you are to them if you are not friends yet) telling them such private details. They would think I am really weird and yes, quite possibly avoid me afterwards. Paradoxically, I feel I could only tell such private details of my life, and expect some understanding, to a good friend, which brings us back to the "catch 22" situation. Damn it

 

[Septor]

lonesomeboy wrote:
i keep on thinking about SP and how it works. for me my main problem is that i feel so goddam embarassed about myself and my life, that it prevents me making friends and getting a life in the first place, which would cure my SP. if that makes any sense. its like a catch 22 of SA.

This is exactly my problem as well, I could function reasonably well, socially, if only...I had a social life already. I have met a few interesting people a few times in the past years, and some did appreciate my company, but I knew from the beginning I could never get closer to them, because that would mean disclosing embarassing details about my lack of social life. As a result I have been living for years without a real friend, only acquaitances, few of them, and some closer friends whom I have met abroad, far away from my joke of a life.

About Boro's suggestion of telling everything in advance to potential friends, well I am afraid that might make matters worse. It depends a lot on the person of course, but I think most of them would simply be too surprised and embarassed by a stranger (that's what you are to them if you are not friends yet) telling them such private details. They would think I am really weird and yes, quite possibly avoid me afterwards. Paradoxically, I feel I could only tell such private details of my life, and expect some understanding, to a good friend, which brings us back to the "catch 22" situation. Damn it

Yep a vicious cycle I still have not found the answer to.

 

[brownbag]

Yea i can relate to that,i am the same.Striking up a conversation is hard enough even more so when it comes to the "so tell me about your self" part.

Feels like an endless cycle

Yea can relate to that too.. it always usually boils down to the "so tell me about your self part" and you start scrambling your mind for a story to tell.
yeap seems an endless cycle..

I've thought about this long and hard and it seems that at some point i will just have to take the plunge and admit to other people that i have a very stunted life and a very serious problem. Sure, it will be AWFUL at first when telling others but i think one of the worst things about this disorder for me comes from the loneliness of feeling like i'm dealing with it myself and the terror that accompanies others finding out about the disorder and my embassisingly uneventful life.

I agree, it seems at some point we just gotta take that plunge and tell people about it. I guess i'll be waiting for the right time.. but life sure has its ways of twisting and turning and things happening when you least expect or don't even expect at all, and catches you suddenly.

Yea, i realy wonder about that terror that accompanies others finding out about the disorder... even though, i'm thinking alot of people you tell would just forget it after awhile and it wouldn't be such a big deal for them, while some people you tell would just dismiss what you're saying.. along with the few who would either sympathise with you or the other few who might mock you.
It would be a bundled up mixed feeling altogether i suppose. But certainly is something to wonder about - finally telling more and more people about it and finally learning to open up about it.

All The Best to those who may be attempting this in time to come in their lives.