catch 22 of socialphobia

lonesomeboy

lonesomeboy

Well-known member
i keep on thinking about SP and how it works. for me my main problem is that i feel so goddam embarassed about myself and my life, that it prevents me making friends and getting a life in the first place, which would cure my SP. if that makes any sense. its like a catch 22 of SA.

i would be having a great conversation, but it can never be personal about myself or my life, because 1) i have no life 2) i have no friends. thus it prevents me getting close to anyone.

how depressing is that.
 
MarCPatt

MarCPatt

Well-known member
Yes, I know what you are talking about. I do not think I have any friends that I can say are really close and make me feel like I can be myself around them. I noticed that a lot of people may like me, but when it comes to getting closer, they notice my anxiety and ackwardness, which makes them feel uneasy, and therefore not willing to hang around me for too long. It happens to me with almost everyone. It took me years to feel at ease with my hubby. I think my hubby is the only person I can be relaxed around. :? In a way ti is good, I guess. At least I managed to feel okay around one person. This probably means that if I am able to do this with him I am also able to do this with others. Well, I can only take one step at a time. The good thing is that now I am able to work and my next step is to work into no giving an f---- about how others may see me, whether they like me, or such. This is probably the key to overcoming social phobia. If you do not care about what others see in you, than you can just be yourself and in exchange people will like you. :roll:
 
MarCPatt

MarCPatt

Well-known member
Goodness! The above post makes it seem as if I do not care about my hubby. I do care about my hubby and love him. :oops:
 
jesuschristschild

jesuschristschild

Well-known member
lonesomeboy said:
i keep on thinking about SP and how it works. for me my main problem is that i feel so goddam embarassed about myself and my life, that it prevents me making friends and getting a life in the first place, which would cure my SP. if that makes any sense. its like a catch 22 of SA.

i would be having a great conversation, but it can never be personal about myself or my life, because 1) i have no life 2) i have no friends. thus it prevents me getting close to anyone.

how depressing is that.
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well ill tell you how mine worked, through learning about sin i figured mine out

well for one i had a demonic spirit, but that only made the sin harder to stop, my social phobia was

worrying
lil to no love for people (when you have love, you can still conversate without needing too much topics)
Pride (thinking things such as funny jokes or being good at conversation makes you a better person)
Leaning on people
self conciousness (we go back to the love, we look at ourselves as opposed to others)
Lusting after praise

we were made to look outward and love, and not look inward an think about our own wants

this is what i learned through God.....God takes my lonliness, my social phobia, my hate for myself, my depression

PRAISE THE HOLY ONE!!!!!!!! AMEN

i really dont know how others social phobia is, but that was mine, and a demonic spirit made it impossible for me to stop doing those things, but in Christ i have the strength

AMEN

much love
Jamie
 
jesuschristschild

jesuschristschild

Well-known member
MarCPatt said:
Yes, I know what you are talking about. I do not think I have any friends that I can say are really close and make me feel like I can be myself around them. I noticed that a lot of people may like me, but when it comes to getting closer, they notice my anxiety and ackwardness, which makes them feel uneasy, and therefore not willing to hang around me for too long. It happens to me with almost everyone. It took me years to feel at ease with my hubby. I think my hubby is the only person I can be relaxed around. :? In a way ti is good, I guess. At least I managed to feel okay around one person. This probably means that if I am able to do this with him I am also able to do this with others. Well, I can only take one step at a time. The good thing is that now I am able to work and my next step is to work into no giving an f---- about how others may see me, whether they like me, or such. This is probably the key to overcoming social phobia. If you do not care about what others see in you, than you can just be yourself and in exchange people will like you. :roll:
Click to expand...

no im sure you love your hubby.....like Jesus said "where theres love, there is no fear"

so smile

HUGS

BE HAPPY
 
black_mamba

black_mamba

Well-known member
lonesomeboy said:
i keep on thinking about SP and how it works. for me my main problem is that i feel so goddam embarassed about myself and my life, that it prevents me making friends and getting a life in the first place, which would cure my SP. if that makes any sense. its like a catch 22 of SA.
Click to expand...

So you're too shy to make friends, which makes you feel as if you have nothing of worth to say to people, so you find it even harder to make friends because you have none to start with?

Seize the moment. You don't need friends to make them. You just need that weird thing called confidence everyone keeps talking about (link - try this). I know it must be difficult talking to people and not being able to mention friends, but you could talk about your hobbies and go from there.

All the best! :)
 
redlady

redlady

Well-known member
I didn't receive yours either - did you just click on the address that i wrote-cause that's what i did and that microsoft emailing thing came up. Perhaps we have to do it manually - go to our actual email address sites and do it the old fashioned way. Good grief, back in my day redskins were only 5c.
 
redlady

redlady

Well-known member
No actually i take that back i checked again and i did receive it - thankyou.
I sent you an email from my yahoo address so you should get this one - well it said that it sent it to you, so all is well.
 
Boundless

Boundless

Well-known member
Yea i can relate to that,i am the same.Striking up a conversation is hard enough even more so when it comes to the "so tell me about your self" part.

Feels like an endless cycle :(
 
lonesomeboy

lonesomeboy

Well-known member
i just thought of something els that bugs me.

like on some days i can actually be very socialable and outgoing, depending on the situation and how i feel. but next day i go back to my old self because i feel embarrassed when other ppl think why i've changed all of a sudden.
gotta stop worrying what other ppl think of me goddamit!!
 
redlady

redlady

Well-known member
lonesomeboy wrote:

gotta stop worrying what other ppl think of me goddamit!!
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Me too! But what to do - i wish i could reach into my mind and stab that little subconcious upstart well scare it anyway into leaving me alone.
 
boro

boro

Well-known member
Hi there, i'm new to this forum. I thought i'd just resurrect an old post because it brings up an important dilemma.

lonesomeboy said:
i keep on thinking about SP and how it works. for me my main problem is that i feel so goddam embarassed about myself and my life, that it prevents me making friends and getting a life in the first place, which would cure my SP. if that makes any sense. its like a catch 22 of SA.
Click to expand...

Yes, I know exactly how you feel because i feel the same way. I need confidence to feel better about my life but to feel better about my life (which would involve making new friends, voicing my opinions openly and so on) i need confidence. I need one or the other but cant seem to do one without both.

lonesomeboy said:
i would be having a great conversation, but it can never be personal about myself or my life, because 1) i have no life 2) i have no friends. thus it prevents me getting close to anyone.
Click to expand...

Same here. I've thought about this long and hard and it seems that at some point i will just have to take the plunge and admit to other people that i have a very stunted life and a very serious problem. Sure, it will be AWFUL at first when telling others but i think one of the worst things about this disorder for me comes from the loneliness of feeling like i'm dealing with it myself and the terror that accompanies others finding out about the disorder and my embassisingly uneventful life.

So then what if I and others on this forum like lonesomeboy were to tell people about all of our problems? (other than psychologists) At the moment i can't imagine plucking up the courage to do it, but with a little more self confidence, or instead feeling that i've hit a new low and must do something, anything maybe i would. Seriously, if you met people you get on well with and enjoy their company, as they enjoy yours would they suddenly abandon you after mentioning this? I doubt it.
Here are some points i've put together that i plan to use when telling people. For a start i would try and not be too self pitying when first mentioning this. I would use gallows humour - acknowledging the seriousness of the situation and making light of it in a wry 'what can you do?' sort of way (which i sometimes do anyway, well, when i schedule time for it in between my bouts of depression anyway lol. See - there it is!). I would also try to be hopeful about my future (which i genuinely am) so that i don't kill the mood with overly depressed rants.

Just a matter of doing it though.

lonesomeboy said:
how depressing is that.
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very.
 
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