You asked for some ideas on your post
Point One:
We're going into senior year now, so it's been 2 years, and this project controls 90% of the fights in our relationship which happen on a bi-weekly basis. His sleep schedule is controlled by it- he only sleeps 4 hours a night and takes naps just so he can get in more time on the project. Anytime I ask if he wants to go somewhere or do something, the outcome of whether we go is dependant on the project. He's even said before that he's afraid to go places because he wants to be close to the project.
Point Two:
He gets angry at me because I will wake up at 12pm (it's summer vacation)and he will cuddle me, but if it goes over an hour, he gets mad at me. Today we got into a fight which we've had many times before where his alarm will go off, but he won't answer it (probably because he never gets any sleep and his body is starting to control him) and so then he will wake up at 11am and be super angry and freaking out. When I wake up he'll talk about how he was supposed to wake up and he didn't and now it messed up his routine. But it's a Sunday so I'll ask him if he wants to draw with me outside (or do some activity) and he'll say that he has to stay inside and work. IT'S F-CKING SUNDAY!!!!
Point Three:
I'm sick of him putting this stupid project before me!!! he refuses not to work on the weekends!! he doesn't even have too, he's not taking summer school classes, he is doing this all on his own. It's great that he is disciplined, but it's not healthy, and it's breaking us apart. He's always nervous to do anything, and usually ends up complaining about whatever we're doing when we are doing it. He never leaves the house willingly. If it wasn't for me, or the fact that he needed groceries, he seriously would never leave. He even keeps all the blinds closed because he claims it gives "atmosphere". He has such crippling driving anziety that randomly started over the past 3 years that he can't drive.
Point Four:
He has money anziety where he will freak out about spending 5 dollars on coffee and a pastry. I love going to the beach, but he absolutley can't stand it claiming that he feels uncomfortable exposing himself (even though his body is fine, he claims its a texture thing and he feels like people are judging him. I ask what they are thinking and he says he doesn't know, just that they are judging him).
Point Five:
He has no other friends but me, and only had 1 friend that wasn't even close to him in highschool. In highschool aparently he would skip nearly every other day at school because his parents let him, and go alone into the woods. He would eat lunch in the library every day by himself. He worked something out with his art teacher where he could use a room away from the regular classroom to do his work, where noone would be around.
Point Six:
His parents didn't socialize with other people nor did his family even go out to eat. His dad's got some serious issues. He drinks until he passes out on christmas while we're eating the times I've visited. His mom doesn't do anything about it. His parents didn't pay much attention to my boyfriend when he was growing up because they directed all of it to his sister who was more academically inclined, developed an eating disorder (perfectionist complex, ocd), went to yale, is now getting a doctorate, ect...you know the story. His mother has severe anziety and most of the time you can't even get a word in, and is not interested because she's on another planet. Like she will ask you a question, you will begin to answer it, and she will move on to the next subject. She was a stay at home mom, and continues to stay at home. His dad worked for the CIA and apparently used to be close with the kids when they were young, but when adolencence came along it was to awkward for him. I don't know what else to say to sum him up and what we're going through. I don't know if I can deal with this, if he's the right person for me. I'm 21 and feel like I'm married to an old man.
Point Seven:
He doesn't go out past 10 for gods sake because of his bedtime. Meanwhile he has the most flexible schedule in the world, but he acts as though he's working for some kind of nazi organization. I don't know how much is going to change when he gets on medication, does anyone know? He claims he doesn't want to change, that he's passionate, has intense modivation and drive and that he refuses to loose that. It doesn't matter how many fights happen, he doesn't understand that he's sick and that he's hurting himself. It took me this long just to get him to go to the therapist, and that was after he put off going to all doctors since he has a severe fear of doctors- like he would never make appointments even when he was really sick. I had to threaten to break up with him, and really act like I meant it for him to help himself. He is so obsessed with his work that he doesn't do his daily responsbilities like pay bills, go to doctors, call up so and so like he was asked. WHAT CAN I DO!!!??? Should I leave? I am a spontaneous person who likes to do all kinds of things, and meet people and be around friends (who since being in this relationship, I havn't had any) and stay up late, and do art when I feel like it but still observe deadlines, and travel and go to the beach and just have a good time, especially being outside, not stuck in this air conditioned apartment all the time!
MY REPLY:
In summary, you are living with a person with serious mental health issues. This relationship is affecting your emotional peace, your own happiness, and existence.
Women who are married to alcoholics ( for example ) often talk about how their own sanity is affected by the lying, the deception, the denial and the self abuse of their partners. How do I know this ? Well I go to Al Anon meetings and hear them talk of their pain weekly; by the way my brother is an alcoholic, I am also the grandson of an alcoholic, and the nephew of an alcoholic.
When I ask the women I meet in Al Anon "why do you stay in the relationship..." their answers seem to be "I am afraid to leave".
Lets look at the points you have raised in your post.
POINT ONE:
Why don't you go out and do something WITHOUT your partner? He is not your jailer, you are free to go any time you want to.
POINT TWO:
Fighting. When people in a relationship fight about the samething again and again its an indication of a POWER STRUGGLE.
You may want to purchase a cd set by an american psychologist Al Turtle. Its called, "The Map of Relationships". I and others have found it helpful.
A POWER STRUGGLE is like two boxers trying to hurt each other to make the other change. Its daily pain. It never goes away.
Insanity, though is getting into the boxing ring with Mike Tyson. And it sounds to me like you are doing that each day.
POINT THREE:
Yes he has mental and emotional disorders. No one would want to live with such a person.
Unless your self esteem is so low that you want to harm yourself.
POINT FOUR:
He has low self esteem and an anxiety disorder.
He would drag down anyone who lived with him.
POINT FIVE:
Your partner suffers from Social Anorexia. This is a serious mental illness. It takes years to change. And until the person who suffers from it accepts its a problem they will remain in denial.
POINT SIX:
His parents were dysfunctional. I can see it. You can see it.
But your partner grew up not knowing anything different.
POINT SEVEN:
He is a work addict.
Does this make sense ?
i am caring for my partner who has resposibility ocd. i absolutley have had enough.... i dont want to give up on him but i really cannot do any more to help. my partner thinks he is abusing our children in the night while he sleep walks. this is particularly raw to me as my mum was abused as a child. i help all i can but constantly being told he is doing this is taking its toll.... i dont want to hear this all day every day. this might sound selfish but every time he says it it breaks my heart.... to go on and do the best 4 my kids. i no its ocd but i just CANNOT convince him. can anybody help... please i really cant go on.