Can't sleep, wish I could leave, need fresh air, must escape

Flax

Flax

Active member
Does anyone else have a hard time sleeping? I am probably going to be up until 3 or 4 in the morning and I really feel like I'm suffocating. I feel like I need to go take a walk or do something. I have no one to hang out with this late (it's almost 1am) and I really need some fresh air. I feel like I'll be viewed as weird if I go out and drive around this late though, or if I even sit in a chair in my backyard. I have a grandma that's always awake and for some reason I can't walk past her to go outside. I know she's going to say, what are you doing going outside? Or something else that makes me feel weird. I also have three days off in a row this week and I really want to escape my life for a little while. I don't want to be around television, computers, people, or anything in my regular life. Does anyone else have these urges just to get the hell away for a little while alone? I want to go somewhere that's not forbidden at this time of night and sit alone and look at the stars. I can't do any of this though. I'm scared of all the possibilities of doing so. Even though the possibilities are not going to happen. Even during the day I feel like I'm a freak if I walk alone on the sidewalk in my neighborhood. I wish I had a piece of land somewhere that I could have for myself and no one could tell me I'm not welcome. Somewhere in the wilderness. Ughh... oh well... guess I'll have to deal.
 
Flax

Flax

Active member
I went outside in the backyard and drank some diet mountain dew and ate some granola bars. It's 2am. I did it while my grandma was in the shower, so I guess it wasn't a very courageous act. I still had paranoia about whether she'd hear the door open and think a burglar had broke in and freak out. Man, I'd be asleep right now if I wasn't addicted to Diet Mountain Dew (LOL) it has caffeine in it and I don't like drinking anything else.
I've decided I'll make this topic the zone where I tell frustrations I'm having with life and if anyone responds then great. I don't want to make a bunch of topics whining about everything so I'll keep it in here.
 
neddy

neddy

Well-known member
Flax, I used to be like you. I am a night person and stay up until 3am sometimes later even on days off, guess that is why i am now working fulltime nightshift 80 hours a week. If I was you I wouldn't worry so much about your grandmother, if you want to go outside just go out. If she says anything just say I can't sleep and feel like some fresh air, thats what I used to do. I used to also get the munchies late at night (hence my weight problem) and where I used to live there was a 24 hour supermarket so I used to pick up my keys and go out, if I woke my sister up too bad, if she was still awake I just told her I would be back in a minute and asked if she needed anything, 1 1/2 hours later I get back. Guess what I had been doing. I was bored and was just cruising the streets in my car just for something to do and to get me out of the flat as I also have got no one to talk to, even during the day time. I love driving which is why I think I started driving taxis 4 years ago, now i get to cruise the streets and get paid for it.

I also wanted to escape and blend in, make myself invisible. Have you ever thought of going camping, or on fishing trips. Not sure if that is available where you live but I live near the ocean and there are lots of good fishing spots. I actually packed up eveything and moved to a place where no one knew me, thought it would be easier for me with my SA but it only made it worse. I regret doing that now but in a way it has also improved my life as I had a breakdown 2 1/2 years and hit rock bottom, I have actually made some big changes in the last 2 1\2 years so maybe it was meant to be.

If you like camping that is the best way to get away from things for a couple of days. I don't as I'm scared of all the creepy crawlies out there.
 
aleksandra

aleksandra

Member
Yeah, I’m a night birdy as well, but I’ve always been like that. Sometimes I would stay up till 7 am so I would just move on awake through the whole day. I actually like staying awake at night, although I would probably think differently if I had to get up early. But I don’t work, I’m still a student so its also easier for me to study during night. And I think night walks are a good way for relaxing, I sometimes do that. It’s like I’m alone with my thoughts, I enjoy the night, empty streets, that peace and quiet – it’s kinda romantic :) ; and I can more clearly and in more positive way think about me, my future and stuff. The only thing that’s missing is someone special to walk with me....ahh well.
 
Hope

Hope

Well-known member
I always had an awful time sleeping (at least getting to sleep) when I had to get up at 6:30 for years, & was always exhausted during the work day, with the whole cycle repeating the next night. Now that I usually don't have to get up real early, I'm finding I usually get my 7-8hr as long as I stay up till 1 or 2 or later, by which time I'm actually tired. Twice a week I still have to get up around 6am and find it hard, esp. in the spring and summer when I have to get to bed before the sun's fully down.

I feel I do my best work and thinking in the wee hours, perhaps because the rest of the world is asleep and I'm not envying anything anyone else might be doing. Most days I can't imagine what I'd do in the early morning - nobody I can get hold of then anyway.

I find once you get into a late-night pattern it's hard to break. Anyone else do their best thinking late at night?
 
Orlando

Orlando

Well-known member
Before I found this website, I would play guitar until 12- 1am in the morning. It would be the time I would unwind from a long stressful day of socializing with people, a sad pathetic attempt to socialize with others. (And let me clarify to everyone reading this post. My guitar playing skills are just as good as my social skills. With that said, I suggest that if ever have a chance to hear me play bring large dependable earplugs. What you'll hear will defy any description of music.)
Lately, however, I been on the net communicating will all you here at this website....and I stay up till the wee hours of the morning.
I liked to stay up late at night because that is when I was alone and I didn't have to worry about talking to any strangers. I was in my own house safe with my family. When the morning came the anxiety reappeared also.
 
Anonymous

Anonymous

Well-known member
LOL. Orlando you crack me up.

Um..I used to have sleeping problems, but ever since I really starting to heal the route of what was causing my SA (really bad self-esteem, no faith in myself, and pessimistic thinking), my sleep has gotten a lot better. I sleep throughout the night. Like, if I have a stressful day and my mind is negatively entrenched, then I will probably toss and turn all night, but these days, my quality of life is getting a lot better and I am sleeping a lot better as well and w/out meds.

I mean I slept like a ROCK on paxil, but there were so many other side effects I had to go off it, plus I hit that point where the drug no longer was effective, I still had the SA + the side effects and felt like a tweeked out zombie, so I switched to celexa and couldn't not sleep a wink on that stuff. So I got to the point where I was like screw this! ehehe I'm going to try this on my own with no meds. So I slowly weened myself off the celexa and have been med free since last year and I am doing fine.
 
Quinn

Quinn

New member
Perhaps you should tell people to mind their business. You should no doubt be respectful to your grandmother, but above that, do what you need to do.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top