can nothing be done???!!!

[lonelycranberry]

hi everyone..
isnt sa the most traumatising disease that ever existed??i mean i have really 4 gotten the last time i was really happy n smiled from within. i feel soooooooo out of tuch with reality n with ppl around me.
over the years my sense of humor has really depleted n i don even find funny things funny. n its ben yrs since i have said anything humorous ever.n i also have this feelin all the time that i am not able to think at all. i cant apply simple logic. i am never in the place wher i physically am. my mind is always thinkin about somethin n i don even no what exactly n why......resultantly im most often 100 percent absent from the place wher i am.
i have had sa from a number of yrs but i have also had feelings which i have not heard to be related with ppl havin sa. i mean i have felt sooo low in life...gone thru phases of trrible depression......so much so thta i cud not get up from my bed days on end
i cud go on but its very depresssing to talk abt all this all the time. earlier i used to feel suicidal a lot of time but now im better. though sometimes i feel very low like rite now.....even more so when i become helpless in certain social situations. i have discovered this site still i feel so all alone n left out. do i have something more than sa?? cud i be mad? can nothing be done to change the way i am?? does all this have no cure? i m sorry once again but actually its even more depressin being in this site n seeing how we r all sufferin but can still do nothing..n that the world belongs alone to the assertive N extrovert ppl. hav we been sent down on earth just to suffer?

 

[Septor]

No what your feeling is normal lonelycranberry especially for some one that has had it for a long time.I can only suggest because I don't know you but it sound like you have depression and social phobia besides s.a.

What you described about your self is normal for some one that has gone through prolong problems.You not mad your just suffering.I know how it feels to be feel out of touch with the world and you became more more depressed because of it.What you described of your self is normal with what you have gone through.Nothing to do with being mad.

Have you went to a counselor and talk about what you a feeling.Im sure It will help you some.Nothing impossible but it can seem like it can be impossibly.It does to me to some times to.Sorry I have no wise knowledge to give but I hope that you feel better and find your way.

 

[racheH]

Yeah like Septor said you could be reacting to your level of SP normally. A biological depression is always possible, though. I felt the same as you a few years ago, except for not being able to get out of bed, but whenever it was possible to lay there staring at the wall without causing disapproval I did so. Always being 'somewhere else' is how I dealt with it too. It could be that you're an introvert - day-dreaming is how we recharge our batteries when emotionally tired and SP is the kind of thing that can leave you emotionally drained all the time. Yes, something can be done to cure this phobia, though it's harder than most for several reasons I think. I advise you find a phobia specialist and explain exactly what it is your irrational fear (if you're sure it's irrational) is of, e.g. general disapproval, people thinking you're weird, people thinking you're stupid, etc. As these things are abstract concepts, you'll really want to be extra sure you at least can pin-point what it is you're reconditioning your response to.

Don't give up, it's worth it to be care-free

 

[lonelycranberry]

hi septor,yetisbabe and rachel
i don no what to say..im cryin at the moment
im so so so glad that u ppl have msged back so soon!! yes i was feelin very low again today..n i had never tht that i wud do so ..but i was actually contemplating suicide again....but after readin ur replies i no that now i wont
its really really bad that at this age(im 21) when i shud be wearin the best of clothes n partyin hard every nite...im actualy dangling between life n death n deciding which to choose
im reallly tuched by ur replies n am really very very sad to hear that u yetisbabe have suffered as much as me or even more(i don no). at this point i wud like to say somethin to u yetisbabe-u r really ROCKIN!!
i mean the way u care to read each ones msgs n give a reply from ur heart-its not an easy thin to do.ur everywhr in all the forums-probably the queen in this site!! really hats off to u. i cant do it. i don think i care so much abt other ppls pain to answer each persons mail. i guess ive always been selfish n unfeeling. is bad to say this but im being honest-i don think i wud care to solve any 1s problems if i wasnt in this mess myself. but inspite of ur problems u ppl still care. ones again-hats off to u ppl
what has re triggered my low feeling rite now was actually my col. fest. im a gud singer n have sung in the singing comp. last yr n won the first prize. but it was bad then 2 n even this time. i don no which was worse but i cud feel my chheks turning hot when i stepped on stage. when i sing i become fine but my frnds wanted me to sing more songs -that meant staying on stage longer n even sayin a few words when im actually feeling lockjawed-all this makes me want to just vanish in thin air
well its not just on stage that this prob exists. its everywhr-just gettin up from amidst the crowd n goin somewhr is like a near death exp. we had a lucky draw-ppl cross their fingers that they may win but i crossed them that i may not(for obvious reasons-going on d stage n stuff).
even achievements dont count just for the goddamned moment of going on the stage n takin the prize
prob. i wud have still borne it if there was 1 person just 1 person around me who was like me. we wud have borne it together, but i am studyin fashion des. n am surrounded by the most extrovert , cunning ,darind and professional ppl who remind me all the more how inadequate i am compared to them.
its really bad ya. n it feels even worse when ur boyfriend dumps u when he realises ur problem. i feel so lonely when i c couples around me but i also no that i can give nothin to a man if i have 1. i don even have a life.
i hardly ever feel alive.
thanks again for ur replies. i no now that i am listened to.tht i can b understud here. really if thr was somethin i cud do to lessen other ppls probs, mayb i wud, but i can c no other prob bigger than mine...i have almost become an unfeelin stone

 

[lonelycranberry]

hi yetisbabe. an a big thank u to u for ur extensive reply.
ya it is indeed very encouraging that whr most ppl wud not even understand our probs, there r some here who do, n care what happens to us also.
its really bad that u should have faced anxiety at a time which is the best time in any girl's life. but im so glad ur married n u have a soulmate to share all ur problems.
it is quite difficult to be around such ppl all the time but if i am in isolation then im sure that will b even worse for me.. being around such ppl is very important to keep us into reality beco given the freedom it wants, our mind can easily go into the farthst realms of unreality. i recommend to all ppl with this problem not to totally isolate themselves from ppl.
i sure do feel gud being in tuch with similar ppl but honestly sometimes it gets even more depressing to hear abt all the misery n pain. what do u do as a treatment?? im sure that like most diseases this disease can b completely cured.
i will surely keep in tuch. thanks a lot once again for carng!