Buying my Pearl Jam t-shirt

[LittleMissMuffet]

I saw Pearl Jam last nite -just awesome. And I'm thinking about trying to go a second time!

I went alone, on account of that I have few friends and none of them like Rock music. But, one thing I told my self to remember to do was to buy a t-shirt from the official merchandise.

When I approached the counter where the concert merchandise was being sold, I noticed the people around it and immediately began to get nervous and self-concious. -This is one situation that I fear: buying something from a stranger especially when people could be watching me.
I must have had such a nervous look on my face, all my intense emotions showing-up, that this young man was looking at me. -I doubt that it was a positive kind of look. But, basically my thoughts were that 'I'm nervous and it shows up all over my face'.

I might not have as much social anxiety if it weren't that every fleeting emotion is laid bare for all to see on my face. ...and, this was like exactly what I was afraid of: of my nervousness showing-up. So I said to my self: "That's it, I'm giving up" and gave-up buying my t-shirt.

Then I just went and sat down away from everybody, kind of feeling deflated and frustrated. ...I was full of nervous anticipation and it just overwhelmed me. People would say: "no worries" to me, because I looked so stressed and worried. And I just gave-up, since this feeling was so strong and despite all my effort to change it is still there -overwhelming me and effectively handicapping me.

I just looked out the window out onto the street where there weren't crowds or people so close by.

Then I told my self that I really wanted to buy this t-shirt and that 'why should I let people and even my anxiety stop me from doing something that I want'. So I just walked up to the counter and bought my t-shirt. ...Then I noticed what I sometimes notice about my behaviour -that as soon as I don't care about stuffing-up, getting nervous and how people will respond to me, that I'm really personable and easy to interact with.

And it is strange how I swing from tension and fear to this very casual, laid-back and friendly manner.

(I told this to my therapist when I saw her today and she said that this was 'very brave' of me. ...Yet, I found this comment a bit patronizing. Maybe I am wrong to find it so. But I find that, just like I have trouble with people and have no trouble with people -that I swing and the lable of 'social phobia' and maybe even 'social anxiety' can be a little limiting in terms of describing me. But I find that few people can really relate to what I/we go through and say things like "that was really brave" and "i'm so proud of you" in a way that makes-out that you are completely inadequate. ...I know that such people mean well; it is just that I notice that they struggle to come to terms with just what feelings a person has and just where they fit in in terms of the overall spectrum of having a condition. )

Anyhow, I don't have that much to say. But this was just a story that I wanted to tell.

 

[LA-girl]

I can totally relate with your experience here LittleMissMuffet!
I am also like a jo-jo and my level of anxiety differs a lot from day to day and even from moment to moment. Sometimes it is influenced by my thoughts in the given situation, but personally I find that my physical health has a lot of impact on my anxiety as well. For instance when I am very tired and worn out I have very little energy to use in my effort to gain control of the situation. This is kind of frustrating as it makes it hard to work with my anxiety as it is very dependent on my physical health. But at the same time it is comforting to understand why I on one day seems unable to cope with the same situation I handled just perfectly two days before. It makes it easier to accept I guess...

 

[uk_27]

Pearl Jam - cool. Saw them at Reading Festival in August. I am gusessing you just watched them in Melbourne (I have a couple of friends in Aus who saw them the other night to)! Anyways................back to the subject..............similar to your thought..........do you ever find that somtimes when you have made a complete fool of yourself infront of people, you become, as you said, and then go back to prove how confident you can be with a "sick of this shit, don't care anymore" sort of attitude!!????

 

[Erythrocyte]

And it is strange how I swing from tension and fear to this very casual, laid-back and friendly manner.

Wow! I'm so glad to see that I'm not the only one who "swings" in their SA :lol:
I generally think you are brave, just by going to a concert you want to go see... (I couldn't.. maybe someday though.. ) and then buying the T-shirt 8O ...I don't think I would have been able to do that.. ...All that I'm saying here is meant well.. I'm not trying to patronize you..
When my therapist tells me that he is proud of something I do/did, I just take it like a real compliment
I look at it like, SA/SP or no SA/SP, if you face your fears, you are being brave and deserve a praise. No matter how "pathetic" the fear might seem to "normal" people.
Everyone is afraid of something...

 

[LA-girl]

do you ever find that somtimes when you have made a complete fool of yourself infront of people, you become, as you said, and then go back to prove how confident you can be with a "sick of this shit, don't care anymore" sort of attitude!!????

I know this was directed at Missmuffet, but I wanted to make a comment as well. I have experienced what you describe here many times. I guess the reason why we all of the sudden get this sudden "boost of confidence" is i.m.o probably because we feel we reach a level where we feel we can not sink any lower, we feel totally humiliated. And then our obsession about the consequense of making a fool of ourselves disappear for a moment since we already are at the bottom so to speak. Our dreadful fear of rejection is also in a way gone because we already feel rejected perhaps. And I guess when we feel there is no chance of sinking any lower ,we get this urge to show the people and ourselves that we can do better than that. We have nothing to loose and with such an attitude we often end up tackling the same situation with an apparently boost of confidence. The problem is though, at least in my case, that it only last as long as I am in this state. As soon as I feel I have managed to fix the damage, I am back to square 1... But to be honest I much more prefer to be in the state I'm in after having "fixed the damage" even though it means that the fall is higher and the fear of being rejected is more pronounced.

 

[uk_27]

do you ever find that somtimes when you have made a complete fool of yourself infront of people, you become, as you said, and then go back to prove how confident you can be with a "sick of this shit, don't care anymore" sort of attitude!!????

I know this was directed at Missmuffet, but I wanted to make a comment as well. I have experienced what you describe here many times. I guess the reason why we all of the sudden get this sudden "boost of confidence" is i.m.o probably because we feel we reach a level where we feel we can not sink any lower, we feel totally humiliated. And then our obsession about the consequense of making a fool of ourselves disappear for a moment since we already are at the bottom so to speak. Our dreadful fear of rejection is also in a way gone because we already feel rejected perhaps. And I guess when we feel there is no chance of sinking any lower ,we get this urge to show the people and ourselves that we can do better than that. We have nothing to loose and with such an attitude we often end up tackling the same situation with an apparently boost of confidence. The problem is though, at least in my case, that it only last as long as I am in this state. As soon as I feel I have managed to fix the damage, I am back to square 1... But to be honest I much more prefer to be in the state I'm in after having "fixed the damage" even though it means that the fall is higher and the fear of being rejected is more pronounced.

Yes, I think I agree LA girl. Its things like these I find encouraging. If you can act like that at times, it must be possible to replicate the feeling and act like that whenever you want. I know this is easier said then done and if I had mastered it, I wouldn't be here!!! But I believe it is perfectly possible to master and one day I wll!! If you get there first, let me know!!! It is this sort of path we all need to follow rather then chuck a load of tablets down our necks.

I also try and replicate the feeling of happiness and relaxness I have when I'm around close friends and family. Havn't got that to work so well either yet!! :wink:

 

[LA-girl]

Yes, I think I agree LA girl. Its things like these I find encouraging. If you can act like that at times, it must be possible to replicate the feeling and act like that whenever you want. I know this is easier said then done and if I had mastered it, I wouldn't be here!!! But I believe it is perfectly possible to master and one day I wll!! If you get there first, let me know!!! It is this sort of path we all need to follow rather then chuck a load of tablets down our necks.

I also try and replicate the feeling of happiness and relaxness I have when I'm around close friends and family. Havn't got that to work so well either yet!! :wink:

Yes, i know what you mean, and I found it kind of encouraging as well as I've never thought about it until I wrote my previous post. But like we both know it is unfortunately much easier in theory than in practise. I agree though that it should be possible to at least improve our condition if we just make an effort to try and change our deep embedded thoughts. I have tried to repeatedly in the past, but after a while I get "lazy" I guess and fall into the same old pattern once again...

If you get there first, let me know!!!

Oh, don't you worry...I'm sure you will run off with the gold-medal! :wink:

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Hi guys,

My internet connection has been out for a few days, but it's back on now.

-Oh and - I'm seeing Pearl Jam AGAIN!! tonite!! ...what a nutter!. But I couldn't resist seeing them one more time.

As for what you've been discussing: I totally agree; and it's something that I've noticed also.

For whatever reason it is hard for me to let go and accept how sensitive I am. Yet, when people talk about 'changing perception', what this means is to no longer be afraid of getting anxious and of embarrassment. ...Just like we notice how our fear of this keeps making us experience it.

And I think with me, cause my emotions are so strong and it is so hard for me to have a different perception (and accept just how sensitive I am around people no matter how reactive and nervous this can make me) that maybe falling over and screwing-up is faster for me.

In fact, this seems to be a pattern with many things in my life. -That I only give-up my high perfectionist standards after they've caused me to screw things up. (I can even tell you examples of this that don't have to do with social anxiety)

I think that because I am so intensely sensitive, it is hard for me to accept my self since it makes me stand-out so much from others. So it is hard to really believe that being sensitive is ok -it is hard to accept fully my self and see a new standard and perception as to what is acceptable.

And I think that it is easier for me to fall-over and experience being rejected and screwing-up so that I can lose my high standards and stop being afraid of my sensitivity/anxiety because if I've experienced it before, it is harder to continue to be afraid of it. -And being afraid of it keeps me locked into having it over and over.

So I think that getting back on my feet after messing-up and believing that I am still a worthwhile person despite messing-up is an excellent way for me to change my thinking. It may be easier to literally 'face' my fears than for me to do this only with my mind. ...I don't care, so long as something gets me through this.