midwifery&moldavite
New member
First of all I am shy. I really don't think I have a social anxiety problem because I love to be around people. I'm a listener, not a talker. First of all I've never been one to have many really good friends at once. I usually just have one or two at once or else I'll feel like system overload.
I had been serious with a guy for over a year now, most serious bf as of yet (I'm now 24) I met his entire family, went to weddings, funerals, pretty much everything with him and it was going well, or at least I thought. I loved him and still do.
My main problem is I have a problem with thinking too much. When I have problems I stew in them and get in a bad mood. I constantly find myself complaining, or getting jealous at others when their lives seem better than mine.
I started working night-shifts as a clerk for a hotel 4 months ago. It was extremely hard on me and my relationship with my boyfriend. I found him going out more often, drinking with his friends, and it annoyed me that I couldn't be there. At first I was okay with it but when your working all alone and you call your boyfriend and he's drunk with a bunch of people in the background I started to get extremely annoyed by it. I wouldn't get that mad, but I would find myself being short with him more often, saying, "well you have a good night" etc in a sarcastic tone. This was about a month into the job.
Two months in, i was going crazy. I found myself irritable and bitter at everyone. Because everyones lives were going on but mine felt like it was at standstill because I slept all day and worked all night. I know I'm not the only one in the world that works nights, but I do believe that graveyard shifts aren't for everyones unique situations.
I trusted my boyfriend but I don't ever trust a drunk person. It also drove me crazy when he was out and notice I'm sitting up there doing nothing but playing this Nintendo DS that I have or watching tv (mostly which I cannot concentrate on anyways because my mind is racing). I'm thinking wheres he at, whats he doing. He would stay out as late as 5am some nights. It's kind of ridiculous to me. I just kind of dealt with it with a half-smile.
4 months into the job, I finally snapped. My boyfriend and I really only saw each other an hour out of the day, and pretty much were growing further apart. I waited for him to get out of class at 9pm, and he called me at 9 and said that he had gotten out of class at 7 and he was at the bar. So I can't drive and he won't come get me because he's drinking. My birthday was that coming weekend, and I asked him if he had anything in mind what he wanted to do. He replies, I have to work so I probably won't be up for doing really anything much. This infuriates me. Understanding that weekends are my only sense of normality and it was my birthday, and he wasn't wanting to go out because he has to WORK. The reason that this was infuriated me was on this particular night that he had gone out, I had to WORK the next morning. I told him I didn't expect him to sit at home while I had to work, but I did tell him that I was sick of him going out EVERY flippin day that I work and then not wanting to go out weekends when I finally can.
He called me at 2am, and told me "You know, you really need to think about whether or not you want to be in a relationship with me" (he's drunk)
I agreed with him. I said okay if your going to call me out of the blue and break off a year and a half relationship WHILE YOUR DRUNK then I wholeheartedly agree. A**hole.
So I'm a wreck. Going from seeing someone everyday and practically living with them to working the nightshift and seeing him very little to not seeing him at all. The day after the break up was my birthday. (not such a good day)
I went over to see him for about an hour on my birthday. Then I went and drank in my room by myself, and cried myself to sleep. He's sent me messages telling me he missed me, he didn't mean to ruin my birthday, etc etc. But I can't help but feel bitter about the breakup. I had previously even put in a 2weeks notice at my job(called it off 3 days ago) just to try to save the relationship. He knew about that and wouldn't even give it time for that. I'm not even going to include my birthday being 2 days away but it's not right to have been with someone for so long, and calling me up out of the blue, and breaking up with me drunk.
Now that the shock has worn off I just really want to get out of the town I'm in. Has anyone ever moved completely on their own to a different state or city where they knew NO ONE? How was it? I've done it twice when I was younger and it was a long road to friends with me being so shy but I managed. But I've never moved completely on my own, only with my family.
(sorry about the long drawn out rant, I just really haven't had anyone to talk to about this. besides me mom, god bless her)
I had been serious with a guy for over a year now, most serious bf as of yet (I'm now 24) I met his entire family, went to weddings, funerals, pretty much everything with him and it was going well, or at least I thought. I loved him and still do.
My main problem is I have a problem with thinking too much. When I have problems I stew in them and get in a bad mood. I constantly find myself complaining, or getting jealous at others when their lives seem better than mine.
I started working night-shifts as a clerk for a hotel 4 months ago. It was extremely hard on me and my relationship with my boyfriend. I found him going out more often, drinking with his friends, and it annoyed me that I couldn't be there. At first I was okay with it but when your working all alone and you call your boyfriend and he's drunk with a bunch of people in the background I started to get extremely annoyed by it. I wouldn't get that mad, but I would find myself being short with him more often, saying, "well you have a good night" etc in a sarcastic tone. This was about a month into the job.
Two months in, i was going crazy. I found myself irritable and bitter at everyone. Because everyones lives were going on but mine felt like it was at standstill because I slept all day and worked all night. I know I'm not the only one in the world that works nights, but I do believe that graveyard shifts aren't for everyones unique situations.
I trusted my boyfriend but I don't ever trust a drunk person. It also drove me crazy when he was out and notice I'm sitting up there doing nothing but playing this Nintendo DS that I have or watching tv (mostly which I cannot concentrate on anyways because my mind is racing). I'm thinking wheres he at, whats he doing. He would stay out as late as 5am some nights. It's kind of ridiculous to me. I just kind of dealt with it with a half-smile.
4 months into the job, I finally snapped. My boyfriend and I really only saw each other an hour out of the day, and pretty much were growing further apart. I waited for him to get out of class at 9pm, and he called me at 9 and said that he had gotten out of class at 7 and he was at the bar. So I can't drive and he won't come get me because he's drinking. My birthday was that coming weekend, and I asked him if he had anything in mind what he wanted to do. He replies, I have to work so I probably won't be up for doing really anything much. This infuriates me. Understanding that weekends are my only sense of normality and it was my birthday, and he wasn't wanting to go out because he has to WORK. The reason that this was infuriated me was on this particular night that he had gone out, I had to WORK the next morning. I told him I didn't expect him to sit at home while I had to work, but I did tell him that I was sick of him going out EVERY flippin day that I work and then not wanting to go out weekends when I finally can.
He called me at 2am, and told me "You know, you really need to think about whether or not you want to be in a relationship with me" (he's drunk)
I agreed with him. I said okay if your going to call me out of the blue and break off a year and a half relationship WHILE YOUR DRUNK then I wholeheartedly agree. A**hole.
So I'm a wreck. Going from seeing someone everyday and practically living with them to working the nightshift and seeing him very little to not seeing him at all. The day after the break up was my birthday. (not such a good day)
I went over to see him for about an hour on my birthday. Then I went and drank in my room by myself, and cried myself to sleep. He's sent me messages telling me he missed me, he didn't mean to ruin my birthday, etc etc. But I can't help but feel bitter about the breakup. I had previously even put in a 2weeks notice at my job(called it off 3 days ago) just to try to save the relationship. He knew about that and wouldn't even give it time for that. I'm not even going to include my birthday being 2 days away but it's not right to have been with someone for so long, and calling me up out of the blue, and breaking up with me drunk.
Now that the shock has worn off I just really want to get out of the town I'm in. Has anyone ever moved completely on their own to a different state or city where they knew NO ONE? How was it? I've done it twice when I was younger and it was a long road to friends with me being so shy but I managed. But I've never moved completely on my own, only with my family.
(sorry about the long drawn out rant, I just really haven't had anyone to talk to about this. besides me mom, god bless her)
