Borderline.

[galigator8509]

This is a poem about me, I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

Where are the colors, where is the grey?
Thoughts of black and white are all I can convey.
I see two extremes, love or hate.
My mind always changing, continually on debate.

My emotions arent even on the brink of stable.
Happy, sad, angry, depressed are all easily able.
My life is filled with confusion, even instability.
Suffering through each day simply feels like impossibility.

The scars on my body are hard to hide.
But the sharp shiny razor made me feel good inside.
Id carve away at the skin Id see unaffected.
I wish I had left my body alone, respected.

One minute ill be fine, the next insanely mean.
The way I act in others minds may seem obscene.
What happens in my mind I cannot control.
I feel like the devil, whos life has been stole.

I freak out on my mom, who asks a simple question.
Instead of just answering I lash out in aggression.
Thats not the way she necessarily should be treated.
Theres just a switch inside that flicks to make me so heated.

My boyfriend, and I get into unimportant fights.
It seems we both always think we are right.
My anger gets the best of me, and I cant just let it go.
Instead I throw a fit, rather than saying I forgo.

I cry over everything, and take things the wrong way.
Criticism is unbearable, its as though im being betrayed.
If only I could handle what little still remains.
Although it seems im tied, shackled in chains.

Impulsive behavior is all that I have known.
The last thing I want to do is fight this alone.
I do things that are considered extreme.
I have no self worth, and low self esteem.

Its easy for people to sit back and judge.
Those are the people for which I hold a grudge.
Try walking in my shoes for not even a week.
I guarantee after a few hours you will begin to freak.

This disorder I have considers me mentally ill.
Im classified as a borderline, and its taken me downhill.
Its not easy having something control who you are.
I know im here in reality, but I just seem so afar.

 

[***deleted***]

Sounds like you are miserable. I wish I could help you with the cutting, I used to cut myself too. People at school saw and I got a lot of **** for it, so that was enough to make me quit. Maybe try a substitute, like when you feel like cutting eat chocolate?
I lash out on people to. Sometimes I get mad at my grandma for stupid things, like if she asks if I am hungry. It makes me feel like ****.

your poem was very good, beautiful but made me sad that you are in so much pain.

 

[DespairSoul]

Amazing expression of feelings U are talented but i told ya before. I love the way how u write poems. Really sad how deep inside can feelings be wich rip heart.

 

[krs2snow]

Thats a really nice poem. U've managed to give ur reader an insight to what ur feeling and whats going on with u. Have u been diagnosed by more than one therapist? Its important to have more than one therapist diagnose ur condition so u can be sure that u truly have a condition. Once u've been diagnosed, its extremely important that u don't let that diagnosis Define who u are. It's really hard not to let it define u but u have to remember that its a lable that healthcare workers must subscribe to u- to the best of their abilities- so they can have a handle on the things ur going through and who u are. This gives the healthcare worker a solid ground to work from, which is important in ur treatment. However, it doesn't add up to all of U. U consist of much more than ur diagnosis.

"This disorder I have considers me mentally ill.
Im classified as a borderline, and its taken me downhill.
Its not easy having something control who you are.
I know im here in reality, but I just seem so afar."

Ur diagnosis shouldn't take u downhill. Its meant to show u the hill u must climb. Its nothing but a starting point for ur therapist, ur mental healthcare workers and U to build off of. U must do the work. They show u the starting line. But U, and only U, determine the finish line.

The other observation I have is that u wrote "thats not necessarily the way she should be treated; theres just a switch inside that flicks to make me so heated"... Ur choice in words makes me want to ask about ur relationship w/ur mom. Are there some issues w/her that u need to be talking to someone about? Based on ur poem, I would guess that u don't want to be angry w/her but u're upset about a lot of different stuff. If there's some hurtful feelings in that relationship its another topic u should be talking to ur therapist about. Sometimes talking about things that we don't really want to talk about can allow us to grow. Start w/talking to ur counselor or therapist and eventually u can talk w/ur mom. It takes time to heal wounds. Sometimes U have to believe in urself before U can take any steps forward. U write good poetry and seem to have a good handle on how ur feeling and whats going on w/u. Don't downplay these things. These are extremely important in ur own growth and understanding of urself. Ur not abnormal at all. Ur just a person, going through life and doing the best U can to get by- like all the rest of the world. U've been given a diagnosis but ur diagnosis is only a starting point for u to take off from. It's up to U to start Running!

 

[SilentBird]

Once u've been diagnosed, its extremely important that u don't let that diagnosis Define who u are... However, it doesn't add up to all of U. U consist of much more than ur diagnosis.

I wholeheartly agree with this and that goes with any diagnosis.