being completely honest and open forthe first time...

[t0talrecluse]

So I've never been able to tell anyone the whole story,not even my therapist...I'm 19 years old going on 20, currently living with my parents and not going to school. I had to be home hospitalized soph yr of high school and went to an alternative school from then on. I didn't finish high school because I was too scared to go to the alternative school regularly so I lacked a lot of credits. The only thing to do now is get my GED and go to a community college but I can't because of my severe social anxiety. I REALLY want to go to school ! It's killing me. I've gained over 100 lbs so I'm too ashamed to see friends(now former ) and family and I have hyperhidrosis. Everything has gone to hell for me. What do I do ? I've started Lexapro so hopefully that helps and I'm seeing a therapist as I've mentioned above. I hate myself...

what's wrong with me so far:
Severe social anxiety, BDD, PTSD, GAD, depression and more. Unemployed,too scared to drive,too scared to go out in public, rarely leave the house,can't go out without makeup whenever I actually do go out. Too scared to see some family members and friends.

Please remember that this is the first time that I let it ALL out. I've been too embarassed and scared to tell anyone. Also, please try not to be mean because I'm EXTREMELY sensitive. Thank you

 

[Tryin]

Hey, standing ovations to you! It's great that you managed to pour your heart out. Keep it up.

And if I am allowed to analyse your post... There's one sentence that really stands out to me. Everything is great, you are expressing how you feel, what you want, what are you scared of... But the sentence that I believe stands out a little is "I hate myself." You are writing it like it was natural to hate oneself. Well, it's not. It's wonderfull that you managed to identify this feeling and actually express it. I know that I don't know anything about you. I will talk about myself, then. When I discovered my own feelings of self-hatred, it left me shocked and in despair. Somehow I knew that it was the main reason for all of my problems. And I wanted to change it, but, of course, it's not easy.

I know you never asked for advice, but here goes mine: try to learn not to hate yourself. That's important, maybe most important ever.

 

[hotsauce]

I didn't have it half as bad as you when my SA was at its shitest but I had real trouble walking out of the house by myself and the like.

But I don't actually have an real friends, aquatences yes, but the only real person I go out with is my Cousin who is about 19 yrs older than me. We go down the pub and I don't complain he's a great guy and has helped my SA so much its incredible and he doesn't even know I have it.

I have stopped caring about a lot of stuff though like having mates because I accepted what my situation is and have made strides to change it, I'm doing ok I'm not depressed as far as I know and I should be busier soon aswell.

I have stopped my driving lessons becasue I was getting dangerous, I havnt ever had a job.

Believe me your in the same boat as a lot of people even if you may have it worse than say me.

But yeah good luck in the future.

 

[t0talrecluse]

Thanks Tryin and Hotsauce Also feel free to give me advice,everyone hehe-that's why I posted. Sorry if I didn't make that clear.

 

[LeStallion]

You know guys... I have never suffered from SP/SA so i guess you can say ive had it easy. However, my girlfriends suffers from it serverly so im here looking at differnt threads and stuff to see what i can find. I can only imagine what it is like but you will get there eventually. Life won't always be so bad. For anyone with Social Anxiety/Phobia it must take great courage to do what most people seem as everday things. When my girlfriend does things that she finds really hard it makes me so proud. I admire all you guys who battle on even when everyone else thinks its trivial. keep it up. You'll get there eventually!

 

[ooSOULCRYoo]

t0talrecluse thanks for opening up. everything that u've said I can relate to. Im 24 currently living with my parents also. I dropped out of college because of my Social phobia. I've also gained a lot of weight. But mostly cause I quit smoking and drugs. I also have hyperhidrosis, and I think sp is the cause of it. I lost all my friends, bcause Im too afraid to let them in on my secret. And I find it so hard to go outside without my makeup. For that reason I hate makeup, but I can't live without it. Feeling frustrated bcause you want to do something about it but can't beacuse ur too scared. If you really want to go to school, u should go. Take baby steps, one at a time and just go for it. A year will pass by then 2. The longer you wait the harder its gonna get. You will end up regretting it. Everyday I die inside bcause of my regrets. I dont want you to feel the way I do. as ur reading this u might think that Im a hypocrite. But everyday I take baby steps to change my situation. I've even put on makeup today to go outside. Haha :lol: If you decide to go to school let us know how ur doing.. I'll let you know if I get a job :wink: Good luck!!!

 

[emmdee]

t0talrecluse, i only have minor social anxiety with a bit of depression so i have no idea what it is like...but i just wanted to say that's great for seeing a therapist. Try to tell him everything. I know it sounds easier than it is, but the more you tell him the more he can help!

All you have to do is try your best. The rest will follow. If you want to go to school - do it! It might sound amazingly hard, and no matter how much your hand may be shaking at the thought - face your fears. That's the only way to get over them.
And like Tryin said... you're an awesome person, just like everyone else. You shouldn't hate yourself - learn to love yourself, because you deserve just that.

And another message goes out to LeStallion - that's so good of you to help your girlfriend - from the sound of it, you love her a lot. I'm glad she's found someone as good as you, to actually go and see what her anxiety is all about. Finding love can really help with these sorts of things.

 

[BlackRose]

has anyone noticed how much ppl here compare the level of their SP with others? I'm sure it affects ppl more deeply than others but to me the crux is everyone here is struggling to do the everyday, the mundane even. And that all has the same impact on how we see ourselves. i think how badly it gets on top of ppl is usually conditioned by the individuals tendency towards depression etc...am i getting too analytical? i dont mean to. i also don't mean to trivialise anyone sufferings by any stretch. I just think SP is a condition on its own with its own crippling effects, those who are feeling it 'worse' I've noticed and believe are the ones who have other conditions such as depression or OCD. Oh God I'm rambling... does anybody get me? i'm not trying to be offensive. I love all the little babies!

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

I agree with you black rose. When ever I go to different Anxiety sites the one topic that guarentee to be active is the (I have it worst than so and so) arguement. It doesnt matter if you are pretty or not; rich or not; This anxiety holds us prisoners.

 

[BlackRose]

Thanks Tampa Bay, its good that i made sense to someone. That's another thing about this SP thing, unless they've been there, no one else can really get it. i have wonderful friends and family but even they can't truly grasp the hold SP has.