Jonas
New member
In Sweden where I live, Social Phobia and AvPD are seen as closely related but different in severity; where AvPD makes a person afraid of most social situations, Social Phobia is often more limited, encompassing specific social situations. I don't know if that view differs much from the psychological view in North America or Great Britain, but I just wanted to present that perspective since I've read so many posts where people have been diagnosed (by themselves or by doctors) as suffering from AvPD while there are almost no posts where the person is "just" a social phobic.
Personally, I can't make my mind about what I'm suffering from. Is it a severe case of social phobia or am I a full-fledged Avoidant personality. I've always been shy and a bit nervous, but like many others is hasn't troubled me. There's been no shortage of friends in my life, though both as a kid and as a grown-up (I'm 21) I spend a lot of time alone. The problems started at my senior year in High School. I was recovering from a severe depression and had just started to enjoy the company of friends and the theater work we did in school and in our free time, so it felt like I was getting my personality back, after all the despair and suicidal thoughts. My spirits were up most days. But I also had developed a new mood. On some days I would just feel very bitter and insecure, my thoughts centered around my own ineptitude together with cynic thoughts about other people. On those days I'd go home to the flat I was living in back then, turn off my phone, sit and read for hours, watch television or sleep. The next morning the bitterness would be gone, I felt positive again. This didn't bother me too much, everybody has moodswings, but since a couple of months back I've settled in an almost constant low. It's not depression, I don't feel sad or anxious, I just feel nothing, detached, on stand-by. Nothing really matters and so most days I do nothing. I can't help but trace these feelings to AvPD symptoms, you know, "the AvPD has the real self in hiding". Still, I can't remember any early pain or trauma that can have off-set such a reaction. Maybe I'm just acting blind, maybe it doesn't take much for a person who is fragile genetically to develop a mental disorder. I don't remember my parents being uncaring, they never said "I love you" either, but that's just not a custom in the same way here. I have friends who have worse parents and relations than I do and they're very confident people. Maybe I'm just being stupid. The reason I'm writing all this is to see if anyone else feels bitter, cynic, uncaring or cold and traces that to their mental disorder?
I don't understand why I don't want to meet with my friends, why I despise myself and dislike others? Why I'm always coming up with excuses for being alone. And when I'm alone, why I can't do anything, why I feel so detached and can't decide what I want to do with my life. The worst thing is I'm afraid to see my closest friends. I know I'm not alone but I would be very grateful to hear your reflections and your stories.
Personally, I can't make my mind about what I'm suffering from. Is it a severe case of social phobia or am I a full-fledged Avoidant personality. I've always been shy and a bit nervous, but like many others is hasn't troubled me. There's been no shortage of friends in my life, though both as a kid and as a grown-up (I'm 21) I spend a lot of time alone. The problems started at my senior year in High School. I was recovering from a severe depression and had just started to enjoy the company of friends and the theater work we did in school and in our free time, so it felt like I was getting my personality back, after all the despair and suicidal thoughts. My spirits were up most days. But I also had developed a new mood. On some days I would just feel very bitter and insecure, my thoughts centered around my own ineptitude together with cynic thoughts about other people. On those days I'd go home to the flat I was living in back then, turn off my phone, sit and read for hours, watch television or sleep. The next morning the bitterness would be gone, I felt positive again. This didn't bother me too much, everybody has moodswings, but since a couple of months back I've settled in an almost constant low. It's not depression, I don't feel sad or anxious, I just feel nothing, detached, on stand-by. Nothing really matters and so most days I do nothing. I can't help but trace these feelings to AvPD symptoms, you know, "the AvPD has the real self in hiding". Still, I can't remember any early pain or trauma that can have off-set such a reaction. Maybe I'm just acting blind, maybe it doesn't take much for a person who is fragile genetically to develop a mental disorder. I don't remember my parents being uncaring, they never said "I love you" either, but that's just not a custom in the same way here. I have friends who have worse parents and relations than I do and they're very confident people. Maybe I'm just being stupid. The reason I'm writing all this is to see if anyone else feels bitter, cynic, uncaring or cold and traces that to their mental disorder?
I don't understand why I don't want to meet with my friends, why I despise myself and dislike others? Why I'm always coming up with excuses for being alone. And when I'm alone, why I can't do anything, why I feel so detached and can't decide what I want to do with my life. The worst thing is I'm afraid to see my closest friends. I know I'm not alone but I would be very grateful to hear your reflections and your stories.