Hi ozcar,
I believe I know what you mean. Anxiety is felt by everyone and most people deal with it by ignoring it and 'getting on with it'. (This works for a person until they get that little bit more emotional and then, guess what, it actually makes them more anxious.)
A lot of people simply won't understand what you're dealing with. and it is unfair because, with their 'just get on with it' attitude they belittle the difficulty you have with actually getting your strong emotions into balance. It is always much easier to 'just get on with it' when you don't have as much to control.
I believe that people with an actual anxiety problem, as opposed to people who just experience anxiety, that we have to deal with this differently. That the more we try their method of blocking it out and 'just getting on with it' that the worse it gets for us. So it is bad advice for two reasons -in that it is what you've been doing all along to get to the stage where anxiety has become a problem, and it likewise is a strategy that tries to contain something that won't be controlled in such a way.
No, for people with a real anxiety problem, we really have to take a completely different approach. The more we try to get rid of anxiety all in one go, the worse our anxiety gets -and people who are less sensitive/sensitized use this method of blocking it out/facing your fears, which really just bottles anxiety up so that they can brave their inhibitions. So, these people simply have little to no awareness and understanding of what is right as applies to situations involving those with greater sensitivity and/or anxiety problems.
I would say: go with your guts and ignore their advice. You already know more than they do. (For some of those people -eventually given the right conditions, all of those people- such a method of dealing with anxiety and fear would only lead them into a vicious circle of fear and likewise a real anxiety problem ...the only true difference is the amount of emotion that a person is trying to control.)
And one other thing ...I believe that a respect and acceptance of the difficulty that others have with mastering their emotional control is what opens the door to the individual creating their own for themselves. ...as in: do not judge others and God will not judge you. For you, part of the challenge will be to accept that people who give you what is essentially 'quick fix' advice, lack a real appreciation of the amount of strength and control required. In other words: you can see that the way that they think about mastering fears and anxiety, puts them only a few steps away from bottling-up emotions to create even more anxiety for themselves (this is especially true for people who are judgemental towards you). ...In other words, they themselves haven't mastered or understood the nature of the 'vicious circle'. But it's in your interest to observe this and forgive them for their lack of understanding. Also is it in your interest to notice the hidden weakness of people who judge you harshly. ...Understand the vicious circle and you'll have wisdom that gives you confidence and lets you see through others, and that allows you to have the tolerance and patient strength for other people even though they may not have this for you.
