Are you "out of the closet"?

[Anonymous]

How many of you are "out of the closet" with your social anxiety? How many of you have told others exactly what it is that preoccupies your mind when you are interacting with others?

How many of you haven't told a soul that you are nervous and have avoidance that interferes with the way you want to live your life?

As for me, three months ago I told my parents what the problem was (I'm in my early twenties). Since that time I've talked to many other people about the problem. It helps to find out how they feel and what they do.

It seems so strange to me now that I visited a psychologist about a year and a half ago and didn't even have the courage to tell this anonymous professional what was bothering me! Now, I could tell anybody in the world!

My advice: Talk to others about this problem -- as many people as possible. I believe that the reason why SA develops and the reason why it grows is that we don't speak with others about our emotions as we are experiencing them. Recovery from SA is all about playing catch-up.

 

[Anonymous]

You're fortunate that the people you 'came out of the closet' with are supportive and understand. Some don't understand and are not suppotive at all. Even with explaining precisely what is going on, all that some of them hear is 'disorder', and that's the ONLY part they comprehend. Then, they get uneasy, aviod you, hide their children from you so they are safe, etc.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I've had social anxiety all my life, I'm 25. I didn't realise what my problem was til about 3 years ago. All my family know, and all my friends. A lot of my family I dont get on with cos of abuse I suffered from them, but I know they dont understand my anxiety, they just think I'm a lazy sod who wont work!! It does annoy me, but as long as I know what my problem is thats all that matters.

My friends are quite supportive, the amount of times I've 'let them down' is unbelievable and they're still there for me, so that helps. But I have felt myself drifting away from them at times, but I suppose thats what happens when you dont see someone for a long time.

I dont know about the rest of you but I do feel quite isolated at times. I know there are lots of people with anxiety who truly know how I feel, but sometimes I just feel on my own and like I'm the odd one out.

It's hard. I cant work. I can do some things, like go into town, early in the morning on my own but I cant do anything in the afternoons on my own, thats one I'm trying to work on.

Reality, good advice from you at the end of your post! Keep talking.

 

[Anonymous]

out of closet

opening up is a must if u want to overcome the problem of sp.u must admit and accept u have sp if u want to overcome it .if u cant tell and admit to others u have it - this may be denial.i know with alcoholism one of the first steps in overcoming it is standing up and admitting to others that u are an alcoholic.my sister has an eating disorder and part of recovery plan is telling those who are close she has it.i know with sp it is extra hard cos we fear othes judgements
personally i have started opening up.the first person was my therapist-i tell her everything.on the net i have started discussions .a big move in coming out of closet is i have put the wheels in motion for a group to meet up.i also told a friend last night.i will tell my sister during the week
i think the more "normal "people we talk to when we come out the more they can help refute the irrational fears
also "coming out"is used for gay people telling the world they aare gay.it is a tough thing to do too but those who do learn to accept their sexuality .many who dont come out stay a little ashamed and in some ways hide away

 

[SliverWizard]

I've had social anxiety all my life, i want to tell someone i know i have it and get help, but i've had a hard time telling people.

I've been out of school for 2 weeks and i havent done a single thing but sit around the house, i need a job, but i hate being around people.

 

[spacecadetglowuk]

I have not only 'come out' about social phobia but also the fact I was sexually abuse as a child, it has been harrowing but I feel a lot better for it, now I dont feel as anxious or as ashamed of myself, I still have problems to overcome, like my distrust of men but I am optimistic about the future.

Steve

 

[Anonymous]

This has been my experience of "coming out":

1. Some people will look down on you after you have done it. People say that this happens (the second poster said this). I can't prove this wrong, but I haven't experienced it. Even if they did look down on you - you don't need these kinds of friends.

2. Many people will be neutral. Most of my friends related to me exactly the same way that they did after I "came out."

What is really interesting about this is that all of their body language that I used to misinterpret as negative reaction to me BEFORE I told them, they still exhibit, and I see that it reflects no judgment of me. When they tell me they don't think thought X about me yet still do action Y that I once believed reflected thought X, this is a powerful message to me that action Y doesn't reflect thought X. Does that make sense?

3. Most people appreciate and respect me more after I told them. Believe it or not, it's true. They all reflect on how they have social anxiety in certain circumstances, or how they worked through social anxiety in the past. They all admire me and wish that they could be as open and honest about the things that bother them. When I told my friends that I had social anxiety, was seeing a therapist, and was on Paxil, I was shocked to find out that about a quarter of my friends were also on antidepressants and were seeing therapists! The only difference between me and them was I was no longer scared and ashamed, and they were!

Try telling 1 person (and ask them about their feelings and behaviors). Then try telling 2 people (doing the same thing). Then by the time you've told everybody, you will be recovered! (Assuming you want to recover.)

 

[Secret_Smile]

I told my mum a few days after I found information about SA. I felt I needed to as me acting the way I did was making her upset and I didn't want that. I showed her the stuff I printed off and she agreed it sounded very like me. I then let my dad know a few days after.
Since telling them I've given it a bit of time and have told some of my friends (some of which, I have the feeling that they think 'Oh god she's at it again' but some have been very supportive) I've told my teachers at college as well so they are fully aware of why I act the way I do and why I've done some weird things. They've also been really supportive and have asked me to keep them updated on how I'm doing and if there is anyway they can help me (appart from one who now treats me like a basket case!)

 

[Anonymous]

The nice thing about being treated like a "basket case" after telling someone you have SA is that you can now reflect on it and realize that it's not so bad.

All along you've been hiding your emotions for fear that someone would think you were a "basket case." Now that someone does think it, you see that it doesn't hurt! They can suit themselves and think what they wish!

 

[Different]

Recently my mum found out that I had SA and I told my sister, but even though they were supportive, they still dont have that much empathy towards my condition. I dont know, maybe I didn't explain myself properly. :?

 

[blankmind]

i went to visit my parents today and got the usual jibes about me not having a job,so i tried explaining why and it went totally over their heads all i got was my mother saying'well everyone gets nervous'
i think it might have been better keeping my mouth shut!
my stepdad did'nt say anything he just sat there
my sister knows and my dad knows but i just get the feeling they really don't get it!even my wife tries to understand but also she gets annoyed at me aswell,but she is an outgoing person so it must be hard for her because it gets in the way of her life aswell,plus my kids because i can't even take them out to the park,so i think there missing out and thats the last thing i want to happen.