Anxious Girlfriend

[GadgetHound]

Hi, all.

I came to this board looking for help and advice. My girlfriend has moderate to severe social anxiety. She's only got a few close friends, and most of those live pretty far away so her relationships are almost exclusively via phone or email. She has a hard time being social at all.

I just moved here from out of state - back home to where my family lives. I love my family and like to visit them often, but she has awful anxiety attacks (verging on panic attacks) whenever I mention visiting them. She does go eventually, however, as she feels it is her obligation to do so. My office often has happy-hours or parties, and she hates going. I'm also a pretty social person. I like socializing with my coworkers, and often seek out extracurricular activities, however, this kind of thing drives her crazy.

She's very jealous, and can't stand it if I have any kind of relationship with women. She's gotten very mad at me when I suggested I take swordfighting lessons from one of my coworkers who's a stage-combat actress. She won't meet privately with men out of respect for me, even though I have no problem with her having friends or business relationships with men.

It's gotten so bad that she's worried she'll never be what I want her to be (social) and that we'll probably break up because of it.

I'm not mad at all - I really love her. I just know that her social anxiety is an illness and can be cured, but I get the impression she doesn't want to be anything but a loner. She's undergoing therapy, but in the meantime, I don't know what to do. I have faith that if I can help her through this, she'll be better. Maybe not the social butterfly I am, but at least occasionally able to stand social settings.

What can I do to help? How do I convey to her the benefits of socialization that will resonate with her? Whenever I bring it up, she tends to sound hopeless.

Help!
GadgetHound

 

[Scottish_Player]

Hi, i think you have a good understanding of social phobia and the one thing not to do is rush her into anything, as if it goes wrong this will only enforce her fear.

One thing that helped me when i was in anxious situations was to talk about it whilst iam in the situation, not in too much detail that i sounded crazy but i felt that by letting others know how i was feeling it help me relax because if i did anything stupid they would have a better understaning of me.

I dont know to much about what she can and cant do but in my opinion a co-worker get together would be a hugh thing for me, that would be like jumping in at the deep end, iam still learning to come to terms with social situations of upto 4 and 5 people, any more than this and then i just feel really anxious and will make my excuses and leave. So maybe builiding up from small social gatherings with people and letting her get to know them in smaller groups or even individualy would be a godd idea, that way she may feel more comfortable around them all together as she will know them a little better.

Thats just a few ideas, but do expect it to take time, and i mean about a year atleast as there is no simple over night cure