an inviisble affliction

[ironicbutterfly]

The one particularly alienating and isolaing thing about Social Phobia (which it took years to be properly diagnosed finally) is you don't get no sympathy. I've actually felt resentment and envy towards those people whose disability is blatantly obvious. Such as having cancer or being in a wheelchair or something like that. Please forgive me for this expression of gender bias, but I think it's worse for a man 'cause men are expected to be strong and capable. My father has always considered me a lazy bum. An opinion which is shared by many people in my extended family. It's terrible being thought of as just a deadbeat and failure. Nobody, absolutely nobody believes there's really anything wrong with me. If I try to explain my difficulties in even talking to other people they automatically discount it as exageration and say something like,"oh everybody gets nervous and shy sometimes. Get over it." So that's the way it's always been for me I'm just considered. I'm a lazy bum. Gradually as I get older I'm able to behave and feel more like a normal person. But no one at all understands the actually super-human effort it has taken for me to survive. This is what it's like to be absolutely alone. But I know now there are others who suffer as I have. Anybody who wants to share with me I invite to write me at philomicron@hotmail,com....I understand and I care...deeply. Stanley in the mountains of Far northern California

 

[Helyna]

I agree... the people who need sympathy most can't get it... the people who are desperate for social interaction are terrified of it... this is the most unfair disorder in existence.

 

[Avoidance]

You’re right no sympathy at all. My family labels me pathetic coward, a failure at life that deserves to be mocked and shamed. I’ve lost the respect and any good opinion my family has had of me. Even my therapist doesn’t understand, when I make a step in the right direction I am told “see you can do it, there is nothing wrong with you, we’ve been enabling you” I am dragged to edge of a high cliff pushed off and told to fly.


The momentous effort I put into my life goes unwarranted, the great struggle in conquering life obstacles that normal men deem simple goes unnoticed. The courage I show in face of death is ignored because my heart still beats. The great wars I’ve dredged though with my fears are disregarded because I wear no battle scars. The pain and suffering I feel is undetected because my wounds don’t draw blood. There is no sympathy or honor in my illness only shame and loneliness.

 

[Schmoo]

I think people who don't have SAD just cannot understand what it's like. I don't think extroverts/outgoing people can put themselves in our shoes, which is why they can so easily scoff and discount how debilitating it can be. Sure everyone experiences similar anxiety in certain situations, like giving a speech, but they don't know that that anxiety is also felt for everyday mundane interactions. And since they're the majority, we're just expected to adjust to their world.

 

[Helyna]

I say we have an international mob-the-psychiatrists day. We find the psychiatrists in our communities, plan to be in groups if possible, visit each, and demand attention.

Like any of us could actually do that. That would embody my worst anxiety, and I'm not usually very bad. And because we can't, we are ignored.
They pay attention to premature babies. They're obsessed with breast cancer. ADHD and autism are "epidemics" (childhood sociophobes are probably fueling the autism one). But no, the third most common mental disorder can't get any attention at all... because that's the disorder!
I'll add this to my list of things that make me want to scream until I go crazy and don't have to look at the world anymore.

 

[bulldog21083]

I've told people before that I'm shy, but I haven't told anyone that I think I have SA. I think people would believe me, but I'm just kind of embarassed about it. But if people don't believe you, just go online and print out a list of the symptoms show them the list. Tell them this is how you feel and it isn't normal.

 

[ironicbutterfly]

pstchotherapy; an essential fallacy

the last time I saw a psychiatrist he got so mad at me that he just got up from behind his desk, stomped out of the room and slammed to door behind him. No doubt the poor guy needed serious health. I'd made it clear to him that I thought he was stupid and incompetent. During the course of this last session ever,, while he was feverishly scribbling in my file what I presume to have been all sorts of negative stuff sbout me, he kind of muttered to me,"You don't think of me as a healer. Do you? So I told him straight out that there was an essentially fallacy in a system that. presumed thet the strong and gifted were in anyway whatsoever capable of advising the weak and afflicted. Then I looked him in the eye and told him stone cold, "I see you Doctor. You have no empathy." Well that was the truth. To bad he got all shook up being told the truth. Now one thing I've noticed about most mental health therapists, is that when you're telling them about what a living hell your life is, they don't even recognise the or acknowledge the immense magnitude of your personal suffering. But immediately minimize and and discount what you've been attempting to express by offering varieties of possible solutions. None of which address the very simple basic need for human intimacy and belonging that we terribly long for. Stanley

 

[Chod77]

Oh yea I hate this part of having SA. It is the worst part! No one believes you and thinks you are exaggerating. When ever I try and talk to my mom about it she always tries to relate to me and down play it. She'll say "Well I get nervous when I am in big crowds too." It is so much more than that. Because people can't see and understand your problem they just assume you are being rude.

 

[ironicbutterfly]

It's not fair.

Mediocrity triumphs simply by sake of being normal. Perhaps some of you have heard of Franz Kafka. One of the more brilliant writers of the 20th century. Although he was a genius he wished simply for what he refered to as "The Bliss of the Ordinary." It'd be wonderful to be just simply normal. Like everyone else. But that is not our fate.

 

[koyaanisqatsi]

In an unfair world, this may be one of the most unfair of conditions. It's not inflicted by someone else, specifically or intentionally. It doesn't go away, even at home...for example, I'm obsessing over a medical appointment tomorrow. I'm safe at home...still the anxiety is intense. Probably won't be able to sleep well tonight. A couple old friends I've talked to seemed to have understood, but none in my family have ever.

 

[CK23]

I agree to all you guys have just mentioned... No one cares about my SAD as well... My dad kind of knew i was terrified after getting pounded in high school but instead of giving me a hug and being there for me he pushed me into the bad bad world where i got even more crippled... resultingly, i am a workaholic person, whose withdrawn and serious... I fall flat on my face when someone is kind to me cos clearly people out there just wont care whether you tell them you're bleeding or you keep it hidden... Some people have shown care which felt like taking a knock out punch in boxing... ...

 

[ironicbutterfly]

does suffering have a purpose?I think

I think the degradation and isolation I've experienced in life, although it's seemed meaningless and ultimately an unjust and undeserved condemnation; has somehow increased my love and caring for those human beings who are considered "the least among us." I've suffered unfairly and been denied the opportunities for success and fulfillment in life that people take for granted. But against all odds, I've survived, and my heart has become soft and compasionate. If not for this illness, would I have learned about true love? And for this I'm grateful. A sowing of these seeds of incomprehensible sorrow has produced a harvest of everlasting gratitude and Love. If I had been successful in life would I know anything at all about True Love, the greatest thing in the world. More precious than all the riches and gratifications of Earthly existence. Please endure and don't give up. Contrary to appearances we who suffer in secret are the most blessed of all human beings. Never surrender. God beholds our sorow and knows wgat we're going through. Stanley

 

[CK23]

Yea... another thing i'd like to add is that being affected by this disease has made me selfless and patient... if i ever get to meet someone who cares, i go over the edge for them... totally get in their shoes, and feel annoyed with myself if i hurt them in any way... i feel that if i hadnt had this problem i would've probably been like any other guy... there's too much bad crap in this world, guys who are wolves in sheep's clothing... i feel that i may have been one too had i not been beaten to death by them... i wouldnt have felt what i feel now... and that's super empathy... beyond compehension...

 

[akele]

someone mentioned that social phobia was the worst thing, and i just thought i'd mention that even thouogh social phobia is horrible, theres a disorder even more horrible, and thats obsessive compulsive disorder. both are 'hidden afflictions', well ocd sufferers try to hide their affliction but sometimes their rituals are noticeable.
i guess becos i'm pretty well over my OCD these days, the social phobia in comparison doesnt seem as bad. at least i can be ok by avoiding people, but OCD is hard to avoid becos its largely in your head. anyway, both are crippling disorders, but there is definitely hope, and creative ways of improving.
theres a thing called 'neuro linguistic programming' which you can find out a lot about on the net, and can do yourself, or buy cd's of, or if you can afford, go to a NLP therapist. you can make changes very quickly with it. i tried some from listening to a cd and it really works. you kind of trick your own mind into reacting differently, getting out of habitual patterns.
akele

 

[lexie66]

thats what makes mental diseases so much worse, there is no physical sign, of the hurt and the pain you go through, and trying to explain it to some one "normal' doesn't bode as well as if i was trying to explain how much my broken arm feels, people don't seem as bothered when you say oh, im bipolar or i have social phobia, you just get the ignorance of, oh your just crazy then, it's hard to actually sit there and explain to someone, especially someone you love that this thing is going on inside you and you just feel like you can't control, they just think that you're weak and pathetic. or you do get the ones who try and sympathize with you, i don't need your sympathy i just need you to understand that i have problems and the fact that you can't see them doesn't mean they're not there.

 

[Chod77]

someone mentioned that social phobia was the worst thing, and i just thought i'd mention that even thouogh social phobia is horrible, theres a disorder even more horrible, and thats obsessive compulsive disorder. both are 'hidden afflictions', well ocd sufferers try to hide their affliction but sometimes their rituals are noticeable.
i guess becos i'm pretty well over my OCD these days, the social phobia in comparison doesnt seem as bad. at least i can be ok by avoiding people, but OCD is hard to avoid becos its largely in your head. anyway, both are crippling disorders, but there is definitely hope, and creative ways of improving.
theres a thing called 'neuro linguistic programming' which you can find out a lot about on the net, and can do yourself, or buy cd's of, or if you can afford, go to a NLP therapist. you can make changes very quickly with it. i tried some from listening to a cd and it really works. you kind of trick your own mind into reacting differently, getting out of habitual patterns.
akele

It is true that OCD is really bad, but I think people with it still get more sympathy than people with SA because it is a more well known disorder.

 

[alex29]

Yea... another thing i'd like to add is that being affected by this disease has made me selfless and patient... if i ever get to meet someone who cares, i go over the edge for them... totally get in their shoes, and feel annoyed with myself if i hurt them in any way... i feel that if i hadnt had this problem i would've probably been like any other guy... there's too much bad crap in this world, guys who are wolves in sheep's clothing... i feel that i may have been one too had i not been beaten to death by them... i wouldnt have felt what i feel now... and that's super empathy... beyond compehension...

agreed. we tend to be the nicest people few ever have the chance of really getting to know...

 

[proudmummy]

Agree with all posts on this thread!

I tried to explain my problems ONCE when I was drunk to some close family & they all started attacking me saying i'm stupid for thinking anything more than shyness, and some of my family members were saying "I'm shy, your shy, you get it from me" - and I thinking "no your not!!! you talk to people fluenty and know what to say & can hold conversations with different people, etc" - god, maybe I am really social? and i'm just imagining all of this!!! another family member was like, "how can you say your shy when you go clubbing?" - ummm, they don't realise I go clubbing to try and get over my shyness and they fail to see i'm usually not talking when out clubbing, not dancing, until I've drank enough to forget about my SP.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

[ironicbutterfly]

to be absolutely alone

Yes. Obssessive compulsive disorder is a terrible affliction also, whereby a person feels their lives to be under the control of irresitable forces against which they are powerless. But there is in the contemporary public awareness of it and at least a benign acknowledgement of it's reality. And so there is at least a modicum of sympathy and to some extent even identification with overpowering obssession and compulsion by people in general. The common human suffering of unrequited love is experienced to some extent by just about everybody. It's a common theme in Literature, such as in *Of Human Bondage* et al. And on TV it's even portrayed humorously, such as in *Monk*. But I really can think of no form of human sorrow more intense and painful that the extreme and seemingly hopeless condition of Social Phobia. When I was younger and complete basket case I percieved myself to be caught in a kind of vicious circle. I was first of all anxious of being rejected and scorned by other people because of my obvious nervousness and uptightness. Which in itself made me more anxious. So I was going round and round in a vicious circle of perpetual fear. Of being anxious about being anxious of being anxious of being anxious, round and round, world without end. Amen. This is indeed the greatest type of suffering and condemnation to everlasting and terrible,fearful suffering there is. At least now with the internet we know we "are not alone". But this is a virtual world. And I want someone "real" to share life with.