Am I really not alone? Can anyone relate?

[samisstillhere]

Here is my story:

I am an 18 yr old girl with really bad social anxiety ever since I was a kid. In my childhood I've only had one real friend. In middle school I had absolutely no friends and spents my time inside at my locker or walking around by myself. I was so quiet and everybody made fun of me all the time so I just continued to not say anything in the hope of avoiding embarrassment. Only now do I realize how incredibly reclusive and lonely I was. I was extremely depressed and cut myself sometimes and had constant thoughts of suicide all the time.

During my first year of highschool a new girl came and sat with me in the caf and i became 'friends' with her. about a year later I realized I had a problem and was going to kill myself soon if I didn't do something. I told my mom about it and she took me to the doctor's. I went through a tough time and tried prozac, effexor, and finally celexa which i'm on right now. I didn't go on anti-anxiety meds tho.

Right now as a teenager I have several friends but I can't really express myelf or feel comfortable with them. I feel emotionally disconnected with everybody and feel as if I'm on the outside or i'm invisible and i'm just watching the world go by. I feel like i have nothing to offer. i could almost be considered a selective mute, I talk so little. I feel myself getting dragged down further and further into depression and the only thing to keep me company is my anxiety. Plz help, I have lost all hope. does anyone feel this way?

 

[SilentType]

I totally relate to your whole story. The only difference is I'm a 20 year old guy, and my social phobia never really came through fully until I was in tenth grade. I had plenty of friends, and no problems socially until tenth grade and then I turned into what you say. I even left school and graduated through homeschool. I still have plenty of friends, but as you say, I feel emotionally disconnected from them all. I use marijuana to combat my anxiety, as well as klonopin, and I still have a hard time sleeping on occasion, lol... My mind races so much after anything social but these two drugs are he only thing that have proved to calm my panic disorder down enough to where I can have a normal conversation with people haha. May not be the best way but it works for me and even gets me out more...
It sucks being this way though, but I'd have to say that the best way that I've found to go about it is to just accept that you're an anxious person and find your strengths and eventually you'll gain some self-esteem about your accomplishments and hopefully come out of your shell. I know it's much easier to say than do this for people in our situation, but I'd have to say it's a good route of evolving through anxiety. There has to be another side, we just have to break through the wall to get there.


Peace

 

[osse]

I feel myself getting dragged down further and further into depression and the only thing to keep me company is my anxiety. Plz help, I have lost all hope. does anyone feel this way?

The only thing I can say is that with the help of your doctor you will eventually feel better. That is: you will start to have better days mixed with bad days. This is what happened to me and now I have perhaps 3 bad days in a week. Not so bad after all. I'm still a social inept, but at least I can seem normal to the other people and can work. I hope I will remain so.

 

[blonderedhead]

I feel almost exactly the same way. I understand the feeling of loneliness and emotional disconnectedness and I have self mutilated in the past as well.

I feel emotionally disconnected with everybody and feel as if I'm on the outside or i'm invisible and i'm just watching the world go by.

It's like you took the words right out of my mouth. I don't really think I'm in the place to give any sufficient advice. All I can say is that I can relate and that I hope things get better for you. Please don't ever give up.