Am I isolating myself too much?

[paranoid_andy]

I stare at a computer screen for 9 hours every day. I spend less than 1% of my day in conversation with anyone. I feel uncomfortable when people in the office that I don't know that well talk to me or ask me stuff. I usually try and avoid contact with people as much as possible. I enjoy seeing friends sometimes but I dunno whether or not it's because I turned 30 that more often than not I just can't be bothered to go and see anyone.

I lost a lot of friends about a year ago. Mainly because of erratic drug induced behavior. In fact every single person I used to hang around with is no longer around me. It was me that moved.

To be quite honest I find pretty much everything very boring.

When I get in from work I just go up to my room and shut the door. The thing is, I don't actually want to share everything I do or think with other people. But in the same breath, alarm bells are starting to ring. Am I in danger of becoming a sad git? Should I place more importance on interaction with as many other people as possible. And why don't I seem to be able to feel comfortable around other people.

Sometimes I just think it must be because there's something defective in my brain. Sometimes I think it's because of all the drugs I used to take. It's probably both.

 

[Generic]

I guess in a way but it's not like you want to lol, more just it's such an effort it doesn't always seem worth it. All i've found out so far is that if i isolate myself totally, things only get worse....way worse, so i try to go out every week with friends or something (they haven't all gone to uni yet luckily).

I'm usually a bit of a mess at work but if i actually engage in some conversation, after a while i relax and stuff.....so thats what i try and do, i'ts like being in a new environment everytime i go there even though i've been there for nearly 2 years. Anyways that's just what works for me as i'm more shy than phobic nowadays.

Urmmm what do you do in your spare time, hobbies etc?

 

[Ukazuto]

I don't think it's the drugs, because that sounded like me, every once in a while me and my parents are in the same room they complain how I'm always gone with the door shut...

But I haven't taken drugs... So I
m pretty sure it's SA...

 

[paranoid_andy]

No hobbies. The only thing I ever wanna do when I'm not working is related to work. Coding. All software stuff. That makes me sound like a massive geek, but funnily enough I'm so far away from your typical geek it's untrue. I think geeks are way cool anyway.

One of my house mates and I were out in town having a meal the other day, and he says to me "you're pretty much the archetypal extrovert". He reckons that because when I'm talking to him I'm comfortable and chatty. But right now I'm at my desk staring at my monitor. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I garuntee the next time someone comes over I'll stutter. Not like jibbering mess stutter but enough for other people to notice I'm not comfortable.

Valium helps in the now, if I ever take it. But then even if I take like 100 mg over 2 weeks, I notice it 2 weeks later when it's not in my system. It's pretty nasty. Not like crack comedown nasty, but it's not nice. So I don't take it.

I'm definitley thinking Australia or something. A lot of the time I'm thinking of a reason why someone won't like me because of the state I was in at a party or something. I want no one to know who I am.

 

[treffin]

If you had someone you enjoy doing everything wouldn't seem boring, and the drugs you took may have something to do with it. I suppose I don't know much about drugs though.

 

[Edith]

I used to be like that when I was in school. I never talked to anyone at my job or in my classes. I sat at my job all day (actually isolated in a booth away from the rest of my co-workers) and then I went home and sat at the computer all night, or read or just went to bed early. But I was kind of OK with it... it was like I didn't want to socialise with other people... I didn't know what to say or do and the stress was just not worth it - sitting alone in the quiet booth was a nice relaxing way to not be around people and not have to worry about it... if anybody asked I could pretend that the booth sucked and I hated my job (but I loved it!)

Anyway, even though I didn't want to be out with the other people, I was still lonely and wanted friends... it was a weird pardox.

But I started thinking that maybe this was a bad approach to finding happiness so I started switching shifts with this one girl at work so that I was out of the booth once a week and I could meet some co-workers, which sucked at first. At first I thought they very annoying and I didn't want to be around them... but eventually I got used to it, and realised that they were pretty awesome. So when a few months later my boss decided to redecorate and make the booth (my beautiful private sanctuary!!) an open concept desk in a busy welcome room... I was slightly less devastated.

Erm... I guess the point of this was that even though you don't want to talk to them, if you do you'll find that you'll want to talk to them more or at least not mind the thought. I think that the more isolated you make yourself the less attractive talking to other people actually becomes - you become so used to the solitude that you find the alternative (even though you want it) to be very undesireable.