charlieHungerford
Well-known member
I write this post as a topic branching off my other post 'Catastrophising what people think'. If you don't agree with my thoughts then I totally understand, we all suffer differently and this is just something that I have been thinking about my own situation.
I really do believe for myself, that I am anxious in the situations I get anxious in because I just believe that in certain situations or around certain people that those people will judge me in the most negative way I can imagine. At the same time I believe if you have any negative thoughts on your own perceived flaws, then that also will make you self conscious and anxious. The reason I write this here is because I believe these two things trigger the anxiety cycle. You are self conscious and afraid and it triggers anxiety and once anxiety is triggered it spirals out of control if you are scared and self conscious of anxiety. For instance, you get anxious about a situation, then you worry about people seeing your anxiety and then fear people will think you are like weird for acting all anxious, you then feel you are not in control and cannot do it and cope and this triggers more anxiety and you are left feeling almost paralysed by the anxiety. I guess panic attacks could describe this.
Yet if have confidence in a situation, then the anxiety cycle does not trigger. Think of any situation or activity you are confident in - i.e. I know a lot of people here feel very confident driving (if you are a nervous driver think of something you are confident in), because nothing triggers your anxiety when you have confidence in the task you think positive and confident about.
So this is why I am working so hard at desensitising all my own perceived flaws which I really have made amazing progress on and that has really helped eradicate self consciousness which triggers the anxiety cycle. I am working on eradicating self consciousness by changing the 'catastrophising what people think of me' - understanding that people are not slaughtering me in these situations and that I have just got into 'wrong thinking patterns'. If you can eradicate all self consciousness and worries as to flaws in yourself and remove worries of believing people always see the worst in you, then your SA will rapidly reduce because of the anxiety cycle not being triggered. (Just my opinion).
But I wanted to write this post because I feel when our anxiety cycle has been triggered we are frightened so much of anxiety. I feel this anxiety is something we are too afraid of. I mean you hear actors have butterflies and nerves but they thrive on it. Whereas if we feel anxiety/nervous we are frightened to death of it, we start worrying about not coping and how it will effect our performance, etc.
Are you self conscious of people seeing you anxious when in feared situations or around people you feel anxious around? I am certain everyone here will say yes. I was going to ask the question - what do you believe people think of you when they see you anxious and struggling? I think a lot of us have very very negative beliefs here that we believe people will think we are stupid, weird, strange, etc? Does anyone agree with that? But what do you think of someone if you see someone else anxious? I think your answer here will be very different to the beliefs of how people see you when anxious. If so, then this shows something is very wrong - we can't think one way for others and a different way for ourselves.
I think its time for me to address my beliefs of being self conscious about anxiety. (Maybe its something you may want to work on too?) Because I was thinking that imagine you are in a situation you are anxious about, but when you feel this anxiety you no longer let the anxiety spiral out of control, because you are not self conscious of being anxious, you are no longer thinking all these extra negative thoughts that you can't cope, that if people see you anxious they will think you are weird and strange, etc,
if you understand it doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't mean you are weird, it doesn't mean you are ugly, it doesn't make you unintelligent, it simply means you are anxious/nervous. If can stop the anxiety spiraling by not fearing these extra things, then I believe that will give us a lot of confidence and help us cope and perform.
When I see nervous people I don't think they are weird, they are crazy, they are stupid, etc. I always think nervous people seem really nice sensitive people.
I remember seeing the winner of big brother a couple of years ago presenting a music show and he had to read from the autocue and you could just tell he was getting anxious and self conscious and he started to fluff his lines, he lost what he was saying and he looked so upset and terrified. He said 'Taxi for me!' which made people laugh. Everyone was willing him to succeed and finish it, no one was thinking horrible of him. And when he finished everyone gave him such a big round of applause and I think people liked him more after that than before. Can you ever imagine that when we are anxious, that people are thinking positive of us like that? Its true, its the reality.
I just think we need to be able to handle anxiety, to not let it spiral out of control, to believe we can still perform and if people see us anxious that we are not bothered and self conscious about that. If we can feel we can handle anxiety then surely we can overcome SA, because we will not let feeling anxious mean we avoid situations, we will not put our lives on standstill simply because if we feel anxious about a situation we will not avoid it any more, because we will believe we can cope and perform and its nothing to be self conscious about, and in future instead of taking the easy option of not putting ourselves in situations we feel anxious in, we will actually have belief that we can handle anxiety.
What do you think? I would like to work on desensitising feeling self conscious about anxiety. I know I have hugely negative beliefs on anxiety, they are extremely biased and unfair. I mean us SA sufferers are not the only people who feel nervous and anxious in situations, but a lot of people who feel anxious can still cope and perform. I mean you must have seen people who have said they were so nervous/anxious but they still seemed confident, this is proof that anxiety does not have to be feared. We only fear it because of our beliefs about anxiety and they are quite simply the most negative beliefs possible about anxiety. It doesn't have to be like that.
Sorry for writing another long post.
I really do believe for myself, that I am anxious in the situations I get anxious in because I just believe that in certain situations or around certain people that those people will judge me in the most negative way I can imagine. At the same time I believe if you have any negative thoughts on your own perceived flaws, then that also will make you self conscious and anxious. The reason I write this here is because I believe these two things trigger the anxiety cycle. You are self conscious and afraid and it triggers anxiety and once anxiety is triggered it spirals out of control if you are scared and self conscious of anxiety. For instance, you get anxious about a situation, then you worry about people seeing your anxiety and then fear people will think you are like weird for acting all anxious, you then feel you are not in control and cannot do it and cope and this triggers more anxiety and you are left feeling almost paralysed by the anxiety. I guess panic attacks could describe this.
Yet if have confidence in a situation, then the anxiety cycle does not trigger. Think of any situation or activity you are confident in - i.e. I know a lot of people here feel very confident driving (if you are a nervous driver think of something you are confident in), because nothing triggers your anxiety when you have confidence in the task you think positive and confident about.
So this is why I am working so hard at desensitising all my own perceived flaws which I really have made amazing progress on and that has really helped eradicate self consciousness which triggers the anxiety cycle. I am working on eradicating self consciousness by changing the 'catastrophising what people think of me' - understanding that people are not slaughtering me in these situations and that I have just got into 'wrong thinking patterns'. If you can eradicate all self consciousness and worries as to flaws in yourself and remove worries of believing people always see the worst in you, then your SA will rapidly reduce because of the anxiety cycle not being triggered. (Just my opinion).
But I wanted to write this post because I feel when our anxiety cycle has been triggered we are frightened so much of anxiety. I feel this anxiety is something we are too afraid of. I mean you hear actors have butterflies and nerves but they thrive on it. Whereas if we feel anxiety/nervous we are frightened to death of it, we start worrying about not coping and how it will effect our performance, etc.
Are you self conscious of people seeing you anxious when in feared situations or around people you feel anxious around? I am certain everyone here will say yes. I was going to ask the question - what do you believe people think of you when they see you anxious and struggling? I think a lot of us have very very negative beliefs here that we believe people will think we are stupid, weird, strange, etc? Does anyone agree with that? But what do you think of someone if you see someone else anxious? I think your answer here will be very different to the beliefs of how people see you when anxious. If so, then this shows something is very wrong - we can't think one way for others and a different way for ourselves.
I think its time for me to address my beliefs of being self conscious about anxiety. (Maybe its something you may want to work on too?) Because I was thinking that imagine you are in a situation you are anxious about, but when you feel this anxiety you no longer let the anxiety spiral out of control, because you are not self conscious of being anxious, you are no longer thinking all these extra negative thoughts that you can't cope, that if people see you anxious they will think you are weird and strange, etc,
if you understand it doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't mean you are weird, it doesn't mean you are ugly, it doesn't make you unintelligent, it simply means you are anxious/nervous. If can stop the anxiety spiraling by not fearing these extra things, then I believe that will give us a lot of confidence and help us cope and perform.
When I see nervous people I don't think they are weird, they are crazy, they are stupid, etc. I always think nervous people seem really nice sensitive people.
I remember seeing the winner of big brother a couple of years ago presenting a music show and he had to read from the autocue and you could just tell he was getting anxious and self conscious and he started to fluff his lines, he lost what he was saying and he looked so upset and terrified. He said 'Taxi for me!' which made people laugh. Everyone was willing him to succeed and finish it, no one was thinking horrible of him. And when he finished everyone gave him such a big round of applause and I think people liked him more after that than before. Can you ever imagine that when we are anxious, that people are thinking positive of us like that? Its true, its the reality.
I just think we need to be able to handle anxiety, to not let it spiral out of control, to believe we can still perform and if people see us anxious that we are not bothered and self conscious about that. If we can feel we can handle anxiety then surely we can overcome SA, because we will not let feeling anxious mean we avoid situations, we will not put our lives on standstill simply because if we feel anxious about a situation we will not avoid it any more, because we will believe we can cope and perform and its nothing to be self conscious about, and in future instead of taking the easy option of not putting ourselves in situations we feel anxious in, we will actually have belief that we can handle anxiety.
What do you think? I would like to work on desensitising feeling self conscious about anxiety. I know I have hugely negative beliefs on anxiety, they are extremely biased and unfair. I mean us SA sufferers are not the only people who feel nervous and anxious in situations, but a lot of people who feel anxious can still cope and perform. I mean you must have seen people who have said they were so nervous/anxious but they still seemed confident, this is proof that anxiety does not have to be feared. We only fear it because of our beliefs about anxiety and they are quite simply the most negative beliefs possible about anxiety. It doesn't have to be like that.
Sorry for writing another long post.
